Can you lose yourself?

So, the other day I met up with an old friend from my days at CPP. It appears that it is a small world and we ran into each other at my current "gig". While we had lots in common seven or eight years ago our lives have taken a decidedly different path. You see he has no kids. He has a wife. He has a house. I think they might even have a cat but they have made the conscious choice to NOT have children. I think I actually gaped, open-mouthed at him. That was a possibility in life I asked?

After relishing in the thought for just a second or two, I gathered my strength and started up a conversation. This person, after all, was someone I had no trouble talking with for 7.5 hours a day for quite a while. The trouble is that he had no interest in my children. Or the waterpark activities. Or balancing school commitments.

What does one talk about when you don't have children, I asked myself. And, is it possible to completely lose yourself in your childrens' lives? Apparently, it is.

I began the barrage of questions, similar to a science experiment (Jon would be proud). My hypothesis is that deep down *unbeknownst to even him* he actually DID want kids and I was going to show that to him....insert outwardly obvious laughter here... What do you do with your time, I asked. Him: nothing much - I still golf alot, play baseball, just did a half marathon and now hold an executive position within his organization. Yes, well that may all seem very interesting (I said though not believing him) but what do you do with your money??? Him: I don't worry too much about money; we always seem to have some.

Then, I lost interest. The experiment reached its conclusion: You see, once children enter the picture it is possible to lose interest in the things that were once important to you. And things that are irrelevant to those without children become points for discussion. It has become possible for my friendships to evolve to include children and parents grow personally to realize that there are stages in life where it isn't all about you. And it becomes rather comfortable.

Rolling Brown Outs in Ottawa

So, here we are early in the summer and in the middle of a heat wave that apparently, our energy system cannot handle. It is only June and rolling brown outs started in Ottawa Monday night, with areas in the West and East going without hydro for six hour stints. It was reported in the Ottawa Citizen Lucky for us, our area was not included in this (where is there wood to knock on) but I have to wonder what the rest of the summer holds for us.

While working for the feds can have its perks, energy consumption is not one of them. The office is currently 26 degrees; the lights are turned off, except in the washrooms and stairwells and we are sweltering. Currently, I would work for anyone other than a resources department. The commissionaires will walk outside and tell you to turn off your car if you are waiting to pick someone up. This is an "idle free" zone.

While googling 'beat the heat' brought back lots of hits, they are all the common sense things that only reduce your body to a minor thermal temperature, not the smoltering lava-like interior that is felt after coaching a gaggle of seven year olds through soccer. Thought this list of things Texans do to keep cool was cute. Nothing like a sense of humour in the heat.

Anyway, too hot to write and I think they are soon turning off the computers in the building....

Rules, rules everywhere

For a mom who allows (or encourages) her kids to play in the puddles at the park it may be surprising for you to know that I DO, in fact, have rules in my house. Generally, it is things like: no stepping on your baby brother but as a house rule my kids are expected to show respect for each other and their belongings. It is in the translation of this to 'kid speak' that finds the slippery slope of confusion.

Is it in fact, disrespectful, to take apart someone else's electronics so that it cannot be put together again? (For those of you waiting on the edge of your seat for direction, yes, that would be considered disrespectful). Is it ok for you to raid the fridge and leave the kitchen looking like a class 5 tornado ran through ... well sometimes, if your parents are 'shooing' you back outside again. But here's the clincher:

Is it a silly rule that water from the pool stays in the pool and sand from the sandbox stays in the sand?

My partner in crime, while his intentions are the best, believes that this rule is silly. After all, isn't mud half the fun existing in this small universe? The other half being the bugs and stones contained within the mud?

My issue is that the mud stains the clothes and end up caked in all the sand toys or on the bottom of the pool. It ends up all over the grass, killing the weeds that give my lawn that lovely green colour. While I can make exceptions at the park when there are puddles, in my own backyard with a hose means that I can count on muddy clothes tracked through the house daily for the whole summer. Not just daily: each time a child wants to get dry they change their clothes, change the activity for half an hour, then head back out into the mud.

Work with me here people!!! Is it such a strange rule to NOT allow the hose to be dragged directly into the sand box???

Grade One is Hard Work

I've been through the ringer. I am completely exhausted and am counting the minutes (maybe seconds) before summer break. Who could have known that grade one was going to be SOOOO challenging?

Now, things were different when I was growing up. I don't remember feeling like my mom was taking the primary grades right along with me but I am sure that I have just taken a grade one refresher course. Mom, is this just a child's lack of awareness???

Over this past school year, I have:

Created 200 cue cards for nightly practising of the grade one word wall words

Made one lady bug and one alligator cake

Garage-saled, then donated, over three hundred books

Created an "all about me" poster, and practised and attended for the presentation

Created an "all about animals" poster, as above

One one evenings notice, sewn a Jack and the Beanstalk costume and a frog costume; repeatedly practised lines for the presentation

Volunteered at school outings and events like the fundraising bar-b-que and play day.

Now this year I am blessed to have a caregiver (my sister) who is willing to volunteer for the events for the other kids. In many cases, she ensured my grade one got to school with all the relevant pieces and that took a huge load of my shoulders but, I have to tell you, grade two scares the be-Jesus out of me!

How to people handle it when they have three kids in the lower grades. I am coming to the conclusion that having children in school is not going to be as easy as I had anticipated. It is a full time job to get them there with all the pieces!

Tips for Working Mothers

Being a mother and an employee – and being good at both – can sometimes seem impossible. At the end of the day it is easy to collapse into bed exhausted with a list of things still not completed. I have some tips for balancing both that have worked in my life that I would like to share. They may not all work for you, but if it can decrease your stress even a little then I will consider myself successful.

Delegate Chores
Kids can play a role that is appropriate for their ages and it is valuable for them to learn that a family needs to work together. Each one of the kids, yes, even the 1 year old, will throw their dirty laundry and towels over the railing to the main floor for washing at the end of the day. My four year old and seven year old both help set the table and certainly clear their dishes into the dishwasher at the end of the meal. In fact, at seven, my eldest is often called on to help in the preparation of the meal. A salad is something that is perfect for him to get on to the table and it means one less thing for me to prepare.

Organize
If everything goes back in its place when done, finding things are much easier when you need to. Often, a great deal of time is spent simply locating the items to complete the task before a task can even be started. In my house, I have one drawer in the kitchen for each of the kids. I ask that they place the toys “they are still using” in the drawers rather than on the floor. When the drawers get full either they empty them and return the things where they belong or I empty them – into the garbage.

Multi-task
With three kids, it is very rare that I focus on one thing at at time. Homework is done under my supervision at the kitchen table while I prepare a meal. Nails are clipped while practising reading. Use the time driving in the car to talk – and listen – about how the day went and what could be learned from the things that happened while at school, playgroup or playing with each other at hom.

Teachable Moments
Life is filled with moments where you can teach your kids the practical applications of learning, without having to sit at a desk. My kids learn fractions while helping me bake; they learn animal care and the cycle of life while filling a bird feeder; they learn basic physics on swings, scooters and bikes.

Have a Safe Zone
Have a spot in the house or in the backyard that requires minimal supervision from parents. There are some tasks that are more efficient to be completed without little helpers and times when you just need the kids to go and play. During the summer, I am liberal with fruit juice popsicles in the backyard. The three kids sit on the swings and it buys me 15 minutes to focus on something.

Plan Your Morning
Mornings will go more smoothly if you do some things the night before. Ensure homework is done and backpacks are packed. One working mom I know even puts out bowls, spoons and cereal choices for the morning. Teach kids to get themselves ready in the morning by putting up a wall chart that lists: "brush teeth," "put on sunscreen," "get dressed," "eat breakfast" and whatever else they need to do.

Control Work Commitments
Don't let work pressures eat into your family time. Studies show that people are more productive if they are bound by a requirement to leave the office on time. If there are times when one of you has to work late, make it an all bets are off night. Order pizza and relax with the children. They will learn to cherish the “daddy” or “mommy” nights.

Plan Meals Ahead
Grocery shop once per week and make it a family event. Have the children pick out their "healthy choices" for lunches and snacks, hopefully minimizing the complaints that there is nothing to eat. Get a cookbook that contains easy-to-prepare recipes. Double a recipe and freeze half for another meal. When you're making a salad, make double and save half for the next night. Keep lasagnas or other one-dish meals in the freezer for nights when you don't feel like cooking. Designate your most hectic night as order-out night and get pizza or Chinese food. Lower your standards to PbandJs with soup some nights.

Use Your Lunch Time
Moms tend to put themselves last on the list, but you need to take care of yourself so that you can take care of the others around you. So take care of yourself: Go to the gym at lunch, get your haircut or waxing done. Run errands like looking for that pair of shoes or outfit for a special event.

Be a Couple
Get a babysitter as often as you can afford – once a month is perfect for us. It doesn't have to be fancy. Even a trip to the bookstore will help the two of you remember what it's like to be adults together. And thanks to Chapters and Starbucks, it is only the cost of a coffee…

What about you? Any hints to offer?

Summer time Planning

I faced a mocking last night; from a neighbour whose opinions I had before respected. You see, I have organized summer for my children. There are 10 weeks of summer vacation. I have seven camps (some half days) booked for them. I have weekend trips (some close, some far) planned out in advance and am now standing at the quick just daring someone to send my plans toppling... Jen - this is aimed directly at you!

Am I the only one who starting calling around in May to see when the camps were? Am I the only one who has printed out a calendar that keeps my spouse and caregiver informed of where my children should be at any given time?

"Where is the free time?", she asked me. Huh???? It is right there.... scheduled on weeks three, seven and nine? Are the people around me blind????

:-)

Milestones in Life

Each of us measures stages or milestones in life using different criteria: some are philosophical, measuring spiritual growth; some are pragmatic, measuring accomplishments. I, it appears, have been reduced to measuring using McDonald's. You see, I have just passed the stage where I will be one of those mothers who has to climb through the McDonald's Playland tubes to rescue a stuck toddler. It appears my 20-monther can now navigate the Playland tubes and make it to the top unassisted.

Now, to some of you, this may see trivial. To the mother of three boys this is paramount. It means that I am ALMOST at the next (very coveted stage) where I can sit and read the paper while the boys play in the tubes. Although, it also has the down side that means that my boys are growing up and need me less and less.

It appears that the maturing of your children is a double-edged sword. I very much want to encourage them to be their own people and am sometimes (say it aint so) frustrated by their inability to do ANYTHING for themselves. It is a little sad, however, to realize that in only a few years I will be begging them to talk with me again (right now it seems they never shut up), begging them to include me in what is happening in their lives, and allow me to climb that preverbial tubing with them without being an embarrassment to them.

Now, the only reason I will have to throw caution (and my shoes) to the wind and delve into the labyrinth of tubes will be to extract the said-toddler who is unwilling to leave at the agreed upon time. :-)

Is there a God?

Earlier this week a good friend of mine at Postcards from the Mothership posted a comment on creationism. Strongly on the side of science, she quoted and referenced scientific studies and promotional materials and pooh-poohed the idea of teaching Adam and Eve in schools. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not a preacher and I am certainly not debating evolution but I think kids can get something from religion.

Belief in a higher being (I should have started this sentence with "I believe") whether it is Vishnu, Buddha, Christ or even "mother earth" establishes a hierarchy in life. Individuals do not reign King. As a premise for all organized religions is respect for something. Even Satanism establishes respect for, and adherance to, Satan. A higher being.

Now, organized religion also includes aspects based on the need for control that I think are weird. Not being able to collect or pay interest in a free market economy? Not being able to eat cheese with a hamburger? Not being able to use birth control? While these "fundamentals" served their purpose at one time, they are no longer relevant today and confuse the people that might have been interested in hearing more.

So I hope, nee pray, that my kids learn to respect all religions and while I would encourage them to challange teachings and develop their own belief structure, I would hope that they do so with respect for the sacred. Respect that I believe they have learned, granted in part, from learning about the bible and Adam and Eve in school. I just hope that they don't do it in their Catholic school :=).

Photos!

Todd has helped me figure out how to add photos. They are in the Splish, Splash entry...

Splish, Splash

Sometimes I find that the line between being a really good parent and being a really bad parent is narrow ... and faint. For the last two days it has rained in Ottawa. Not that light, good for the flowers, drizzle that you can get. It was the torrential, raining cats and dogs, leave massive puddles in the street kind of rain. The kind of rain that little boys love.



In our park there is a section (on our side, right outside our front door) that fills with water when it rains and has very little drainage. So the sand and the sidewalk erupt is 3 inch deep (more if you dig a hole) puddles that call quietly, then louder, to the ears of those under 4 feet. Think about it, 3 inches in up to their knees in some cases :-). It is like having a beach right outside ... without sharks and only minimal chances of drowning.

So, two nights in a row, out we go. Last night I did not even bother to force the kids to remove their ketchup covered clothing after supper. In fact, I do not even recall washing faces and hands. Not like it matters within minutes anyway.



So, the Robinson boys not only splashed in the puddles but figured out that if you do the 'coming into home base' slide, the water and sand splashes up. Which quickly led to simply lying down in the water and pretending to swim. Last night, there were no other kids at the park. I think that was because the night before my kids were the only kids ALLOWED to play in the water.



The looks that I received from the other parents were ghastly. When did it become taboo to encourage kids to play in puddles? Is this the new age of parenting? You cannot play in the puddles because your SPF 65 sunscreen and specially formulated for kids DEET product would wash off? Are we concerned about the acid rain in the puddles? Someone please enlighten me cause God knows I am on board for all the latest neuroses but, I am confused.

Does allowing (nee encouraging) my children to play in puddles make me a negligent mom? It certainly did not feel that way as I washed pounds of sand from their clothes and bodies. Am I the only one out there that gets excited when I see the puddles at the park?

Trac-ors, Trac-ors Everywhere

I live with an encyclopedia.

For those of you waiting for me to place lavish praises on my husband - smart though he is - this reference is to my 20 month old. He has become a walking encyclopedia of heavy machinery. And the funny part is that I like it.

We are at the stage where we cannot drive, walk, crawl, or even stupor drunkenly, by anything with four wheels without a running commentary. It is the intense excitement in his squeals that I find so delightful. We live in a growing community where we can pass by 10 - 15 tractors on the way to the grocery store. The drive goes something like this:

Keegan: mommy, mommy, MOMMY (the sound usually blends into one high pitched word)

Mommy: Yes, Keegan.

Keegan: trac-or, trac-or, TRAC-OR

Mommy: Yes, Keegan - that one is a digge....

Keegan: mommy, mommy, MOMMY (this is usually before I can finish my acknowledgement or have any meaningful discussion about the trac-or)

Mommy: Yes, Keegan (with a knowing smile)

Keegan: trac-or, trac-or, TRAC-OR

You get the picture. Sometimes I worry that the poor little thing will simply explode with excitement, akin to the fate of one of the kids in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I thought that might happen last night as we walked behind Liam's school. You see, they are installing a play structure and using little kubotas to do it. Up close and personal with a trac-or. Ahhh. I have seen Heaven and it has a diesel engine.

101 Things About Me

Well, for those of you who are interested, I have finally (with much prodding) finished my list of 101 things about me. I was not aware that this kind of exposé was mandatory with a blog and am feeling a little weird about the whole thing however ... so I do not face the continued wrath, here goes.

1. First and foremost in my life, I am defined as the mother of three young boys.
2. Sometimes that bothers me.
4. Though he thinks he comes after the cat, my husband is the next greatest priority in my life.
5. Many times, priority number two gets left behind.
6. I am educated and committed to having a career.
7. At times, this costs me more financially than it is worth.
8. It is worth the price emotionally.
9. I sometimes feel I don’t fit in with the working moms, who put career before children.
10. I sometimes feel I don’t fit in with the SAHMs.
11. Currently, I work for the federal government.
12. I am not committed to working for one employer and frequently hop to something better.
13. It does not always turn out to be better, but I always learn something from the experience.
14. I will NOT retire doing the job I am currently doing.
15. I have a good sense of humour (or so I think).
16. I value being able to laugh at myself.
17. I frequently provide the opportunity.
18. I am high strung and can get emotional in disagreements.
19. In contrast, I rarely expend the emotional energy to get into those disagreements.
20. I have a vast extended family, including two half sisters, one half brother, one step sister and two step brothers.
21. I believe in the bonds of blood and am committed to that family. Sometimes, unfortunately, but frequently to my benefit.
22. I would like to look like Angelina Jolie.
23. I would need to lose 50 pounds.
24. I would like to lose 30 pounds.
25. I have wanted this for a long time.
26. Growing up I was thin. Before children, I was normal.
27. I have tried pharmaceutical methods to lose weight. They don’t work.
28. I would completely consider plastic surgery, if I was not so cheap.
29. I am cheap. I hang my laundry on a laundry line because it saves me money, not for environmental reasons.
30. I like to do things for myself, including home renovations, outdoor yard work and interior design.
31. I take a great deal of pride in putting in the work to do something myself.
32. I frequently have no idea what I am doing when I take on these projects and like to pull in my significant other for the grunt work.
33. I am proud of the end result.
34. I live in constant fear that my situation will change and I will lose all that I have currently worked for.
35. This keeps me awake at night and influences all of the decisions that I make.
36. I think this makes me neurotic.
37. I plan everything. EVERYTHING.
38. I usually also have a back up plan.
39. It completely pisses me off when people mess with my plans.
40. My husband does not plan anything. Luckily, he goes along with my plans until they are derailed by someone else.
41. When something goes wrong, I like time to myself ... to re-adjust the plan.
42. I worry that this need for solitude is sometimes mis-interpreted.
43. Adult relationships frequently baffle me.
44. I am fiercely, but quietly, competitive.
45. Things seemed so much simpler when I was younger and could simply get drunk with my friends. :-)
46. My younger siblings still use this theory.
47. I love to read. Anything but Edgar Allen Poe.
48. I like classic literature as well as the current trash.
49. If only reading burned calories.
50. I like to do renovations like furniture stripping and sewing. (Wonder if the stripping reference will get me google hits).
51. Seriously, I would do that stuff for fun.
52. This is NOT my husbands idea of things to do for fun.
53. I am very proud of the way my front garden is looking and tend to it daily. More often than I tend to priority number two.
54. I like to dive. Off a diving board. Into the water. I am not very good.
55. I like volleyball. Also, I am not very good.
56. Seeing a pattern here?
57. I believe that I could get "good" (read, acceptable) with practise.
58. Before I die I would like to learn to fly a plane and learn to play the piano.
59. Not at the same time.
60. I love to travel.
61. Before I die, I will have lived abroad. Even I have to be a hooker to do so.
62. I believe in the ten commandments, but have trouble with the source.
63. I believe that the "community" is half the value of organized religion.
64. I believe that good people get ahead and bad people do not.
65. I believe in doing the right thing, especially when it is not convenient.
66. I do not always make that choice.
67. I have been accused of being too introspective, of spending too much time in my head (or somewhere else less favourable).
68. Sadly, this is sometimes true but it all goes back to the plan.
69. I went to five schools in the eight primary years.
70. At the time, I don’t recall being concerned about the constant movement but I hope that my children will attend only one (maybe two).
71. I have great childhood memories.
72. My grade three teacher was my favourite and I think she has influenced my life (and need for approval) forever.
73. I can’t remember her name.
74. I forget more things in one day than the average person remembers over a life time.
75. It is very frustrating.
76. I am not at all intimidated by new places or new people.
77. I am capable of "turning it on" in stressful situations; not stopping to think but moving into performance mode.
78. I live to speak in public settings and have spoken at conferences on behalf of the organizations that I have worked for.
79. In a survey of the American public, a fear of public speaking was ranked higher than death.
80. I am grateful there are people in this world that do not want the stage; someone needs to be the audience.
81. I have a weird need to organize. Even other peoples’ things. I think it goes back to the planning thing.
82. I have passed this neuroses along to my eldest son, who keeps and organizes rubber bands.
83. My second son is chaos and keeps the planners in a constant state of heightened awareness.
84. I collect antique maps of Europe. There is no such thing as an antique map of Canada. We are not old enough.
85. I am fascinated with the 1700 - 1800s, castles and knights. If there is such a thing as reincarnation, I have come from that time period.
86. I hope that there is such a thing. It would seem a shame to have nothing after this.
87. I have been trying for 15 years to learn French.
88. I have to believe that it is just that I have not been able to focus that prevents me from learning the language.
89. I often work hard to get something or somewhere then discover it was not what I had hoped it would be. I hope that is normal.
90. While it was not my choice to buy a larger home, I like it.
91. I like it enough that I now want an even larger, more pretentious home, with a Lexus and a BMW SUV in the driveway. I don’t think that is good.
92. I drive around looking at other peoples’ homes.
93. I have inserted the "buy new bigger house with a pool" tentatively into the plan to see how the idea floats.
94. I would score off the charts on a stress test right now.
95. I would score off the charts on a stress test at any point in my life.
96. I MAKE things stressful sometimes.
97. Sometimes I would like to have just one more child. Not a girl, for the record. It is not a "must have a girl thing". I just like the comfort and innocence of the early stage.
98. At each of the stages my children have been in, I have thought "this is the best stage ever." I have yet to hit a stage without some amount of frustration and a great deal of joy.
99. My children growing up and leaving frightens me. Who would I plan for?
100. I like junk food: chips, chocolate, cakes, candies and McDonalds french fries. I understand the dangers that go with them and try to choose blueberries instead. It doesn’t usually work.
101. I am afraid of aging; of looking old; of being old; of dying. I will prevent it any way I can. As long as it is not too expensive. :-)

Movie Review!

This weekend was my 12th wedding annivesary. Todd and I have been together for 17 years, married for 12. In celebration we actually got a sitter and went out to a movie. Woo hoo! I managed to convince him to go and see Mr. and Mrs. Smith - and not without his share of complaints.

Surprising to him, the movie was great. Upbeat and funny, with just a hint of the gore that keeps Todd riveted to his seat. The premise is that they are married hired killers that don't know that the other is a hired killer. Fast cars, expensive houses, steamy sex ... pretty much everything a married couple with three kids needs in a fantasy life.

Todd and I have decided to emulate Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. 'cept for the hired killer part. ... and the beating each other up part ... and the fishnet dominatrix part. K - so, in reality, I would like Todd to look like Brad Pitt and he would like me to look like Angelina Jolie. Shouldn't be too hard to achieve.

Off to dream again....

Forgot to Post this Brain Teaser

http://www.ripleys.com/games/iq.html

The times they are a Changing

I never want to sound like an old ditty. I never want to try to convince my kids that I walked barefoot to school, uphill both ways. I never want to compare lives generation over generation but... (there is always a but)

Have you noticed that kids are older these days? Not literally, emotionally. I can remember (I think) being six and playing with my friends. Looking back, I would have had a lot of issues to deal with as a kid but I never remember worrying for the future. I don't recall stresses or anxiety beyond wondering where the next chocolate bar would come from.

The kids in my extended family are dealing with issues that kids should not have to face. But, they have strong and protective adults in their lives and, for the most part, are kept oblivious. But they are not. My 4 year old worries about natural disasters (like tornados, which I might add he has never seen), was panicky at taking a plane to Europe with me and frequently talks about when people are going to die. The poor little thing had a meltdown in the Montreal airport with the diarhea and jitters that go with extreme stress.

I thought he was weird.

Then I spoke with my sisters-in-law and both of them have one child who is a little more stressed by the challenges that life can bring. Worries about car accidents and falling and scary, loud noises are apparently common for the children of this generation. Apparently, the more we try to protect our children the more neurotic we make them.

I met someone through my blog. A kid who also has her own blog. She has insight beyond her years and is addressing issues and concerns that should be reserved for those 18 and above. There should be a rating system on life that allows children to only experience the good things until they are strong enough to take on the rest. Read her blog at: http://redhandedjill.blogspot.com

I have a thought for the children that take on the fears of the world - it is still a wonderful place to be and the butterflies and waterfalls outweigh the car accidents. Live life to the fullest, conscious of, but not focussed on, the fact that this could be your last.

Men Are From Venus

It is always interesting for me to listen to children talk. As kids grow they quickly move from simply repeating the phrases that they hear from you (no touch; hot; ouch) to their own thoughts, translated into sentences that would never occur to me. Akin to the poopy-head, potty talk so famous at the 4 year old (and then some) stage. But when you take the time to listen, really listen, it is amazing what you can learn.

My husband coaches Liam's soccer team, 13 seven year olds running on a field with some balls. Lucky for him, there are four very sane girls on the team to try to keep the nine testosterone-filled boys in check. Liam, while one of those rambunctious boys, likes girls. Not in that older kind of way; almost as one would watch a science experiment grow and change. It is not unnusual to see the girls flocking around Liam and Liam standing there looking confused. Interested, but confused.

Last night after soccer the four girls were climbing on the rocks that were around the field. One of them declared their's to be the "princess rock". Well, Liam was on another rock and thoughtfully, he declared, this is the King's rock. (Imagine the tyranny in his voice) Unfortunately, girls being smarter than boys, Liam could not have predicted the next statement. "Then you're in love with a girl" shouted one of the princesses. Liam was shocked. SO WERE ALL THE SEVEN YEAR OLD SOCCER PLAYERS HOVERING AROUND...

As always, my kids think on their feet. Liam picked up one of the smaller decorative stones and a dandelion. Holding this dandelion precariously close to the stone he yells, "and the King dynamites the Princess' stone" to the chorus of cheers from the boys and screams and wails from the girls.

Yep, that's my boy.

Liar, liar pants on fire

A wise woman once told me that lying is a sign of intelligence in children. Now, at the time my eldest was less than two years old and the woman was a biased grandmaman. Now, my eldest is seven and, not only do I not see lies as a sign of intelligence, but I am starting to see this as a situation that needs to be dealt with.

Outside on the weekend, the older kids were left unsupervised for five minutes while I retrieved the baby from his nap. Five minutes. When I came back they had decided to take scoopfuls of sand from the sandbox and put them in the baby pool. These kids have been told before - the sand stays in the sandbox and the water stays in the pool. They knew that I had planned to let the baby romp around in the water for a bit.

When questioned, my eldest replied that the middle guy and his friend did it. I believed him - until BOTH four year olds got upset and being blamed wrongly. It completely changed the way that I looked at things. As niaive as it sounds, it never occurred to me that I would ask my seven year old a direct question and he would lie to me. With a straight face.

Now those of you with kids, understand, this is my first crack at raising a seven year old. When they are younger and they lie (not that mine ever did!), they stutter and stammer and look around and spend time thinking about how the story will go. Liam did not. And he was believable.

This is a turning point in my house. I have moved from the mommy-knows-all position to that of being snowed over. And, for the record, I am not fond of snow.

I believed he understood the situation though. That night he asked me if his father and I ever lied when we were kids. Of course, I said. Then I learned how important it is to me that people believe what I am saying and that they trust me. Trust is earned by telling the truth and living up to your promises. Then, worried about being caught, I told him that sometimes big people will find "funny ways" of telling the truth, only - repeat only - for the sake of not hurting other people. When grandma asks if we like her hat, we tell her that it looks very nice on her. (sorry mom!) That kind of thing.

He seemed to get it. Until 24 hours later, apparently after the complete memory flush. Sigh - a jawbreaker can tease a lie out of the best of us I guess. I suppose that the greatest lessons in life are not learned in one conversation. I can only hope to mold him over time. And lead by example. Just don't ask me if I like your hat.

Strength in Numbers

My children never cease to amaze me.

Let me set the stage for you. I grew up with no siblings. My younger sister is 12 years younger than me and the relationship was more akin to caregiver than it was to sibling. So, there are many times when I am appalled by the sheer emotion that each of my boys can evoke from each other. You can see the rage in my oldest's eyes, a normally docile and happy-go-lucky kid, when his middle brother enters (just enters) his bedroom.

This weekend I was just as astonished by the overwhelming strength of their compassion as well.

I was gardening outside and had more yard work to complete. During the day, it was like working in molten lava outside but as the evening approached, it became more temperate. So, boys in bed, I headed back outside to complete my chores. I had told the boys I would be just outside so to settle in and I would check on them when I was done.

When I got back inside the house, Aiden was asleep on Liam's floor. It seems Aiden had been calling me and got scared when I could not hear him so Liam created a 'mommy' game. Aiden would call and Liam would answer him, pretending to be mommy. They did not want to wake the baby so Liam got out Aiden's sleeping bag and pillow and helped Aiden get set up in Liam's room. Now, before you put another loonie in the counselling jar to pay for the counselling that my kids inevitably will need, I think the whole thing was really cute.

When I came back in it was almost an hour later and Liam was still awake. He was watching Aiden, a trick he learned from his parents, while Aiden slept. He said, "He's so cute when he sleeps."

Yes, Little One, you are all cute when you sleep. You see, given another day, another mood, Liam would have been just as likely to shout back that mommy had left never to return. Sigh, rejoice in the baby steps!

Til Death do I part...

So my spouse belongs to a chat group, though he would NEVER create a blog. Today, he posted this at my expense:

A bunch of you are married, or have been married or involved in serious relationships. As a rule you know the delicate dance of give and take that a succesful marriage relies on. And then there are days when things happen, where you must just shake your head about and walk away. Not relationship ending events, perhaps though, in some cases relationship defining events.

My wife and I have various quirks about our personalities. These quirks while defining us a times can often be the little quirks that drive your partner nuts. For example, I am a computer room slob. Not food and empty dishes, (EDITORIAL: YES, IT IS) but just junk, papers I don't want to deal with, old books and magazines, disks, cd's etc. It is also where my library of novels is and that can get cluttered.

On the other hand my wife who is a great cook, leaves the kitchen looking like a class 5 tornado blew through. Her rules of cooking. No dish or utensil may be used more than once, no cleaning may be done until after the meal is complete, eaten digested and left to congeal.

As a married couple we either accept these little quirks and move on with life or they fester and the relationship suffers for it. So yesterday after work I leave and head to my car. Before I continue the tale there are some facts that you need to know:
My wife is a car slob.
We are a 2 car family. I as a rule generally drive "my" Honda CRV and my wife drives the van.
The weather in Ottawa the last couple of days has been 27-29 with a humidex of 31. Roughly 80-90 for our American friends.

Earlier this week my wife took "my" car to work. In the morning she packed herself lunch and breakfast, as she has been working some long days. One of those breakfasty things was a sports bottle of milk, with a flip top tab to close it. At the end of the day she gathered her tupperware, including the sports bottle, which still had about 1 cup of milk in it. She came home, but during the trip the milk bottle slid off the seat and rolled into the back, where it was forgotten.

How many can see where this is going?

So my car sat yesterday in the sun in an asphalt parking lot, the internal temperature probably pushing into 35+. With the milk slowly fermenting/rotting/growing into a substance explusled from the bowels of hell itself.

I opened the car last night and hopped in closing the door behind me. Power windows, so I was trapped in the heat till the engine is started.

Then the smell hit me. Rancid, putrid, rotting. The stench I imagine a corpse might make... terrible.

I look up. There is something dripping down the inside of the windshield, stuff splattered on the console. White curdled milk nuggets all over the floor.

You see the milk did not just spill. The pressure of it fermenting exploded the cap off the top of the container and spewed it all over the car. Explosive spewage, complete with curdled milk chunkies.

We discussed it last night. She said she would clean it this weekend, I said I was having a professional detail it today and she was paying... the conversation ended at a standoff.

As I mentioned earlier, she is working some extra hours these days and as such leaves the house in the morning as I am still in the shower.

This morning she stole my car so I could not drop it off at the cleaners.... Did I mention she is frugal as well?

Tired Expressions I hear at the Office

Being a ponderer who ponders about words quite a bit, I tend to get annoyed by them when they are used in non-sensical expressions. Here are five sayings I hear at work that drive me nuts and what I’m thinking as I hear them:

Do a handshake on that: Since when did a handshake become a verb? And frankly, a handshake is meant to open or close a conversation, not represent getting consensus. Is it the grip and grin photo op that brought this phrase to light? Please point me to the person who first used this in a business setting. I would like to do a handshake with him/her.

The 50,000-foot perspective: Do you really think you’ve got the 50,000-foot perspective? Who are you kidding? When in search of the 50,000-foot view, I’ll seek the opinion of a B2 bomber pilot. Please enlighten me with your view from earth, thank you very much.

Pushing the envelope: First of all, just because you do something the slightest bit differently than how you’ve always done it doesn’t mean you’re pushing the envelope. Second of all, why does pushing the envelope mean what it does? Why is pushing an envelope a radical thing?

Thinking outside the box: This one always makes me wonder who put us INSIDE the preverbial box? What kind of a comment is that on a person or a position when they are inside a confined territory? We use it as a compliment for creative thinking but I think it is more of a dis on the work environment. and don't even ask about "dis"!

Take an action: To tell someone to "take an action" on something appears to be the most vague, non-descript way of simply asking someone to do something. How can you possibly expect to get the results you would like? What ever happend to "Could you insert details here?" Though I admire the fact that you don't even have to be listening to the conversation to get a result of some kind. When did this non-active listening become commonplace?


For the record, I’m guilty of saying all of these things at one point or another, but the inner me I always grimaces when I say them. Sort of like speaking in a foreign language and not really understanding what you're saying but hey, the natives seem to like it.

Spring Fever

Finally it is here. In Canada, it seems we have 10 months of winter, one month of spring and one month of summer. Finally, the spring part is here. Having been bitten by the unaccountable energy zipping through the air, I can completely understand the phone call that I received last night. It went something like this:

Her: This is Liam's teacher calling.

Me: OH-OH. And I was having such a good day.

Her: (no giggles) ahem. We are having a problem in the classroom with Liam. He is not concentrating on his work. I assign his work and instead of applying himself he plays with his pencils, talks with his friends and is distracting his work team. Is there anything going on in his life that I should know about?

Me: Hmmm...where do I start? (I was wondering if this could be a free psycho-therapy session!) "No", I lie. "There is nothing that I can think of...." Her lack of ability to see my sense of humour has baffled me since September. I know now that to mention the sun or trees or to trail off mid-conversation pretending to forget what she is talking about will only earn me another "ahem" ... and I wonder where Liam gets it from sometimes.

Liam has two weeks - and has been threatened accordingly - to pull up his socks and focus. Just to put this in perspective, he risks moving from an excellent to a good. Not losing his grade. His teacher just "hates" to see kids sliding backward.

So now, I ask: Is it not normal for kids to be distracted in the spring, dreaming of frogs and skateboards (sorry to all you moms of girls, I know not what they like). Don't teachers get bitten by the bug as well? Do I have the only seven year old out there with seasonal affective disorder???

Hmmmm....

So, I've pushed and cajoled the rest of you into spilling your innermost thoughts out to the Internet. I've read them daily, usually wanting more...sometimes wondering what I was thinking... Then, I pondered. For those of you who know me, you will realize I ponder a lot. At my own speed, usually inversly related to the speed at which my betrothed would like me to come to terms with something ... then, I decree. Today, I decree that I will start a blog.

No more pondering: but what if I don't have the time for a daily post, what will I say, who will bother to read and did I mention: WHAT WILL I SAY???

Well, you'll see ditties and anecdotes on how one can manage (hmmm....) to raise three young children (all boys), hold down a full time job and manage to find a little time to yourself (peeing alone counts here). So, that's the intro. Now, I must ponder....