Til Death do I part...

So my spouse belongs to a chat group, though he would NEVER create a blog. Today, he posted this at my expense:

A bunch of you are married, or have been married or involved in serious relationships. As a rule you know the delicate dance of give and take that a succesful marriage relies on. And then there are days when things happen, where you must just shake your head about and walk away. Not relationship ending events, perhaps though, in some cases relationship defining events.

My wife and I have various quirks about our personalities. These quirks while defining us a times can often be the little quirks that drive your partner nuts. For example, I am a computer room slob. Not food and empty dishes, (EDITORIAL: YES, IT IS) but just junk, papers I don't want to deal with, old books and magazines, disks, cd's etc. It is also where my library of novels is and that can get cluttered.

On the other hand my wife who is a great cook, leaves the kitchen looking like a class 5 tornado blew through. Her rules of cooking. No dish or utensil may be used more than once, no cleaning may be done until after the meal is complete, eaten digested and left to congeal.

As a married couple we either accept these little quirks and move on with life or they fester and the relationship suffers for it. So yesterday after work I leave and head to my car. Before I continue the tale there are some facts that you need to know:
My wife is a car slob.
We are a 2 car family. I as a rule generally drive "my" Honda CRV and my wife drives the van.
The weather in Ottawa the last couple of days has been 27-29 with a humidex of 31. Roughly 80-90 for our American friends.

Earlier this week my wife took "my" car to work. In the morning she packed herself lunch and breakfast, as she has been working some long days. One of those breakfasty things was a sports bottle of milk, with a flip top tab to close it. At the end of the day she gathered her tupperware, including the sports bottle, which still had about 1 cup of milk in it. She came home, but during the trip the milk bottle slid off the seat and rolled into the back, where it was forgotten.

How many can see where this is going?

So my car sat yesterday in the sun in an asphalt parking lot, the internal temperature probably pushing into 35+. With the milk slowly fermenting/rotting/growing into a substance explusled from the bowels of hell itself.

I opened the car last night and hopped in closing the door behind me. Power windows, so I was trapped in the heat till the engine is started.

Then the smell hit me. Rancid, putrid, rotting. The stench I imagine a corpse might make... terrible.

I look up. There is something dripping down the inside of the windshield, stuff splattered on the console. White curdled milk nuggets all over the floor.

You see the milk did not just spill. The pressure of it fermenting exploded the cap off the top of the container and spewed it all over the car. Explosive spewage, complete with curdled milk chunkies.

We discussed it last night. She said she would clean it this weekend, I said I was having a professional detail it today and she was paying... the conversation ended at a standoff.

As I mentioned earlier, she is working some extra hours these days and as such leaves the house in the morning as I am still in the shower.

This morning she stole my car so I could not drop it off at the cleaners.... Did I mention she is frugal as well?