Liar, liar pants on fire
A wise woman once told me that lying is a sign of intelligence in children. Now, at the time my eldest was less than two years old and the woman was a biased grandmaman. Now, my eldest is seven and, not only do I not see lies as a sign of intelligence, but I am starting to see this as a situation that needs to be dealt with.
Outside on the weekend, the older kids were left unsupervised for five minutes while I retrieved the baby from his nap. Five minutes. When I came back they had decided to take scoopfuls of sand from the sandbox and put them in the baby pool. These kids have been told before - the sand stays in the sandbox and the water stays in the pool. They knew that I had planned to let the baby romp around in the water for a bit.
When questioned, my eldest replied that the middle guy and his friend did it. I believed him - until BOTH four year olds got upset and being blamed wrongly. It completely changed the way that I looked at things. As niaive as it sounds, it never occurred to me that I would ask my seven year old a direct question and he would lie to me. With a straight face.
Now those of you with kids, understand, this is my first crack at raising a seven year old. When they are younger and they lie (not that mine ever did!), they stutter and stammer and look around and spend time thinking about how the story will go. Liam did not. And he was believable.
This is a turning point in my house. I have moved from the mommy-knows-all position to that of being snowed over. And, for the record, I am not fond of snow.
I believed he understood the situation though. That night he asked me if his father and I ever lied when we were kids. Of course, I said. Then I learned how important it is to me that people believe what I am saying and that they trust me. Trust is earned by telling the truth and living up to your promises. Then, worried about being caught, I told him that sometimes big people will find "funny ways" of telling the truth, only - repeat only - for the sake of not hurting other people. When grandma asks if we like her hat, we tell her that it looks very nice on her. (sorry mom!) That kind of thing.
He seemed to get it. Until 24 hours later, apparently after the complete memory flush. Sigh - a jawbreaker can tease a lie out of the best of us I guess. I suppose that the greatest lessons in life are not learned in one conversation. I can only hope to mold him over time. And lead by example. Just don't ask me if I like your hat.
Outside on the weekend, the older kids were left unsupervised for five minutes while I retrieved the baby from his nap. Five minutes. When I came back they had decided to take scoopfuls of sand from the sandbox and put them in the baby pool. These kids have been told before - the sand stays in the sandbox and the water stays in the pool. They knew that I had planned to let the baby romp around in the water for a bit.
When questioned, my eldest replied that the middle guy and his friend did it. I believed him - until BOTH four year olds got upset and being blamed wrongly. It completely changed the way that I looked at things. As niaive as it sounds, it never occurred to me that I would ask my seven year old a direct question and he would lie to me. With a straight face.
Now those of you with kids, understand, this is my first crack at raising a seven year old. When they are younger and they lie (not that mine ever did!), they stutter and stammer and look around and spend time thinking about how the story will go. Liam did not. And he was believable.
This is a turning point in my house. I have moved from the mommy-knows-all position to that of being snowed over. And, for the record, I am not fond of snow.
I believed he understood the situation though. That night he asked me if his father and I ever lied when we were kids. Of course, I said. Then I learned how important it is to me that people believe what I am saying and that they trust me. Trust is earned by telling the truth and living up to your promises. Then, worried about being caught, I told him that sometimes big people will find "funny ways" of telling the truth, only - repeat only - for the sake of not hurting other people. When grandma asks if we like her hat, we tell her that it looks very nice on her. (sorry mom!) That kind of thing.
He seemed to get it. Until 24 hours later, apparently after the complete memory flush. Sigh - a jawbreaker can tease a lie out of the best of us I guess. I suppose that the greatest lessons in life are not learned in one conversation. I can only hope to mold him over time. And lead by example. Just don't ask me if I like your hat.
posted by y-vonne at 5:06 AM
3 Comments:
Mold him over time, like dropping his beloved gobstopper in the garborator(sic) and listening to the satisfying sounds of it grinding into miniscule powder with the accompanying wails of anguish from the 7 year old. Am I a bad parent if I admit I enjoyed it, just a little?
Aha! I found you!
I feel like a padawan. I have so much to learn...
you have a very nice blog. you sound like a good mom.
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