For the Love of Boys

While my boys are active, they are generally well-behaved and liked by the school. There has been the odd bus report and Liam did get a note home because he cannot seem to stop talking with the girls in the class but other than that, I am anticipating smooth sailing at school. But, I think it would be possible to achieve more.

I found a book at the local Indigo, called The Minds of Boys. I am always interested in better parenting and am frequently at a loss to what goes on inside the minds of the men in my house. And, in my faith in academia, I thought a book might help. :-)

For parents of boys, this is an amazing book. It is written by Michael Gurian, well-known in the US for education policies and a behaviour management specialist. When I talked with two teacher friends of mine, they have both heard of him.

The most interesting part of the book is that the author feels that the current set up of our education systems in North America position boys for failure. He starts out with some pretty disturbing facts about ritalyn and behaviour issues in boys and stregthens his "theories" with neural research. This is the part that hooks me. Anyone can have a theory on anything but quantitative research does not lie.

At work, brains of little boys (using national averages) get 25% less blood flow than brains of little girls. Even little girls whose brains are at rest, are getting more blood flow to their brains than little boys struggling to solve a problem.

The body's natural way to increase blood flow is what Gurian calls self-stimulation. Don't get all weird on me. At 5, self-stimulation means tapping your feet when someone is talking with you. Writing on your arm in class. Getting out of your seat to talk with someone. These are not behaviours in the case of little boys. This is the body's natural instinct to increase blood flow to the brain (a muscle, I believe?) in order to allow them to concentrate.

The other interesting part is that boys learn visually. I find that interesting because I learn visually and I am not a boy. :-) When you give verbal instructions to a boy, on average, you will need to repeat it three times before they internalize it. Or you can write it out (spatially), preferably in a grid format of some kind. Once. And they understand and can follow it.

With our school systems, the "excellent" students sit still and listen to the teacher. They complete their work sitting in their chairs and not disrupting the class. They hand their assignments in quietly and sit back in their seats waiting for the next instruction. You can see how this would make it very difficult for boys to succeed.

The interesting part is that Gurian is an education specialist. I have no time for theories where only the complaint is presented. Give me some workable options that could solve the issue or don't waste my time. I am only at page 75 and already Gurian is presenting communication options for young children. Have them repeat the instructions. Don't yell - they don't follow instructions orally anyway. Write out simple steps in a routine. Bedtime Routine: 1) brush your teeth 2) get your pajamas on 3) put your clothes in the laundry basket. Place the list somewhere and offer a reward scheme. Use stickers and books and snuggles. All excellent advice.

The other funny part of this self-stimulation is that Gurian supports allowing boys to "play" with something in the classroom. You know those pokemon cards that the teachers confiscate? They are helping the little boy's brain stay awake. He recommends a couple of pieces of lego or a squishy ball. I have gotten frustrated with my boys as we settle down at night because they both want to fidget with something while we read our night time stories. But, I have learned to ask questions about what we read and so far neither of the older two boys have disappointed me in their comprehension. Now, the third, there is not a squishy ball large enough for that one...

I dunno

I was speaking with my SIL yesterday morning. at 6:30 am. Apparently, even after two years, the time change from Europe to Canada still escapes her. But I digress.

We were talking about the kids (her three and my three) and some of the differences we have noticed in personalities and approaches in life. She is comfortable in a small town in Germany having her seven and five year old outside in a field about 5 - 6 houses away playing with each other. I would not even consider that. But we talked about reasoning and my thoughts are that 1) I don't trust the people around me and 2) I don't trust that my kids will not get into trouble. Jen had me questioning though - was there ever a time when your kids DID get into trouble? I could not think of a solid answer.

My kids are generally good kids. Will they fight with other kids? Absolutely! But it is rare and, for the most part, they will talk it out (by that I mean a little name calling) and walk (or run) away.

As I cleaned in the silence of an empty house yesterday I thought maybe it was time for me to give my kids more autonomy. It would certainly be easier on me. Then I walked into Keegan's room. Somehow (I dunno how) the picture frames that are on the shelf above his bed are all lying face down. As I approach, I realize that the photos have been pulled out of the frames (they are children's frames with a filmy plastic covering and no glass). They are the shapes of animals. One is missing his tail. All the photos are crumpled into little heaps and the prop on the back of one of the frames has been ripped off.

That Jen, is the reason that my children are not left unsupervised. I have no doubt that my two year old would not have been trying to destroy the frames or the pictures. In his curiosity, he was no doubt wondering how the pictures go in, WHY they go in, how the frames stand, etc. And yet, I no longer have three adorable picture frames in his room.

Soduko

Thank you grandpapa!

Liam became addicted to the soduku puzzles that you both brought to our place on the weekend. He tells me that you stopped at Chapters and picked up a simple (for kids) version for Liam before heading back to London.

He is completely wrapped up in them and will now move comfortably from road hockey to reading to soduku. It will give us something else that he can see and complete while he is patched. Let's hope this addiction does not cost me the fortune that Aiden's addiction to mazes has cost me!

Update on Liam

Liam, my eldest, had his specialist appointment yesterday with a pediatric opthamlogist (say that three times fast). He confirmed what the original optometrist had said: Liam has approximately 20% vision in his right eye.

He is guarded about the prospects of patching therapy but, willing to support my husband and I in that, if there is an opportunity to get the vision to 30 - 40% we are going to give it everything we have to get there. We are certainly not the kind of people that will go down without a fight.

So, I go tonight to have my second son tested. I do not believe there is any vision reductions in either of his eyes but time will tell. In addition, I will order the special prescriptive lens for Liam and we will start the patching therapy. While he is not currently a candidate for surgery, if we can get the neurons to respond and transmit again, he might be a candidate for surgery in the future.

Liam is pleased - they have told us that he needs to be completing near-sighted work while wearing the patch. He has been saving up for a gameboy. On the way home from the hospital, he and my husband stopped and bought one of the new gameboys that that he can play that while patched and it will be less of a hassle for us. Here's hoping that it works.

Indoctrination into Catholicism

So, we did it. My eldest has now officially been devoted to God. He can check the little boxes beside his name that says: confessed, communioned and confirmed. And it was not as painful as I would have expected.

One of the concerns that I have always had with Catholicism is that it is difficult to follow parenting or marriage values when NONE OF THE PRIESTS ARE MARRIED OR HAVE KIDS. But the priest at the congregation to which we are officially members, seems to have one foot in reality. He is young and he has a sense of humour that leads me to believe he gets it. He really gets it.

He explained the Holy Spirit to the kids in terms of chocolate milk. If you don't stir it up a little, it just congeals at the bottom of the glass... kind of yummy but difficult to drink. When dismissing the children for their special liturgy he asked each of them "who prays at night". My children did not know to feel shame here but I quickly looked at the stained glass windows ... and the carpet ... anything to not maintain eye contact. Then he asked "who prays for the Ottawa Senators to win the Stanley Cup" and they all cheered. He admitted that he too, prays for that!

The guy has a sense of humour and may, in fact, win me over to the Dark Side. It will be interesting to see.