The End of the Internet

http://www.shibumi.org/eoti.htm

Very cute.

I'm Bored

This could be a product of the time of year or maybe I am just catching the boredom from my school age kids who are now MORE than ready for them to open the doors to the school.

I'm bored at work. I'm bored at home. Don't get me wrong: I am not equating this with some of the serious issues that I know people are dealing with out there and this is not a sympathy call (the adult version of the booty call). It's just that I have been caught up in the daily routine for the last little bit and would like a little spice. I'm feeling restless, and for those of you that know me, that spells trouble.

I remember this time of year in my long drawn out education process. Many years of preparing the school supplies and, in the university days, working like a dog in the last few weeks trying to bolster the bank account for the September hit of tuition. There was a goal then. At this stage in life, there are no great changes for me during September. And my children are too young to grasp the concept of time well enough to get excited.

Maybe I should lay out their napsacks and neatly aligned school supplies. If I can drum up some excitement in them maybe it will be as contagious as the boredom. And, in Ottawa, we are feeling the after-effects of Hurricane Katrina today. Heavy rain and wind. Yet another explanation for the general melancholy.

Movie Night in the Park

We live in a fairly new residential community. All of the houses were built less than four years ago and some of the homeowners can count their residency in months.
In an effort to continue to drive up sales for the new construction of homes, the builders in our community are partially funding a community organization. There is not much money there but certainly more than other areas of our world.

On Saturday night, the community association hosted a 'movie in the park' night and it was an absolute blast. There were probably about 60 people there and the children far outweighed the adults. They had to wait until dusk and my husband helped hoist a large white tarp on the gazebo. We hauled out out stereo speakers; one of the other families borrowed a projector from work and we had a tuner from yet another household.

A couple of local kids got together and sold kool-aid jammers and popcorn for a dollar each and we all pulled up our lawn chairs and watched The Incredibles. The kids were delighted to have an evening (way past bedtime) with their friends. Until it was really dark, the younger ones who lack attention span played on the nearby play structures and the rest of us snuggled down. There were some glitches with the technology but they were minor considering it was the first time. And the weather was beautiful.

It was a wonderful idea that cost next-to-nothing to host. The builders had to donate a white tarp for use but everything else came from us. I think I will encourage them to do this once a month next year. It keeps my kids entertained and my house clean!

Keegan's Future

I am sure I saw this last night on Showcase!

http://www.luckykazoo.com/media/2005/06/jcb-ballet.html

Putting the Kids to Work

I am finally realizing the gains of having children. We are no where near tipping the scales of daycare, diapers and toys but, at seven years of age, we now have a child making a contribution to the family. Sort of.

Liam is an accumulator. He likes things. Lots of things from the mundane rubber band collection to the expensive Battle-B-Damons that are the latest in attraction for this age group.

Liam is cat-sitting. This upcoming holiday weekend, Liam has rooked (er...solicited) my girlfriend to pay him $28 for 4 days of litter boxes, feeding / watering and entertaining. And he has managed to have her throw in a dip in her pool in case the work is too excruciating. Once the seed was planted, he coaxed his aunt into paying for a one time home visit to her felines (at an outrageous $7) for the same treatment. Did I mention that she ALSO has a pool?

So, the deal with Liam is that he can spend half of the money that he makes: giving him a whopping $17 for Yu-Gi-Ohs and B-Damons. The other half goes into his bank account. He is doing this kicking and screaming but that is the only way that I will agree to allowing him to rape and pillage my friends and family for money.

And, if it not unrealistic to hope that your Yu-Gi-Oh card collecion will be enough to put you through university, then it cannot be too much hope for a mother to think that odd jobs can add up to part of that education as well.

Kids' Organizing System

So, they say the apple does not fall far from the tree. It has been said that my personality is a little (no comments from the peanut gallery here) anal retentive; that I like my life organized and have a system for where things belong. Living in the chaos of three boys and a husband who abhors organization makes noticing this rather difficult.

Last night Liam made it very obvious.

We have been doing the back-to-school shopping routine that all families with young kids are involved in at this time of year. From shirts to shoes, socks to underwear, at this time of year we are the ultimate consumers. Last night, Liam took all of his new things up to his bedroom and began the process of organizing. No word of a lie.

I came in about 10 minutes later to see that he had placed all of the long sleeve shirts in one drawer (for cooler days, he informed me). All of the 'kewl' pants in one drawer and, disappointingly for me, all the others that he will not really consider on the other side of the dresser. But it was the underwear that stunned me.

All of the NEW Spiderman underwear went neatly folded into one pile; all of the older Spiderman underwear in another; and, in a flash of maturity, we purchased PLAIN underwear, that was relegated to another pile for the feeling grown up days.

You would think that after 17 years with me, my spouse would have learned to admire the art. Instead, he broke the karma by offering to help him. He was greeted with a look of recoiled horror. "Dad, you don't mess with the system..." He should know that his role is to pass the items to the organizer. And to resist the urge to sneak back in the dead of night and mess with the organizer's system.

Escaped Snake!!!

For those of you with excellent disciphering skills, you will guess by this title, that we have ridded our home of the stinky snapping turtle, to be replaced quickly by one small, grasshopper eating snake. An excellent trade in my opinion: not smelly, eats one time per week and the cage should be cleaned at least once per month. I was considering trading one of the children for another snake...

Until Sunday afternoon.

The herbarium (fancy word for expensive snake home) was sitting on the fireplace mantel to be safe from prying little hands. Apparently, that site is NOT safe from prying little paws. We returned home to find the cage on the floor, open with two worms, one grasshoppper, two crickets and the beloved snake missing. And a very contented cat, licking his paws in the afternoon sunshine.

We did a thorough search and located two of the worms, none of the grasshoppers and crickets. And no snakes. There were hysterics and accusations flung towards the cat that I will not repeat on the Internet for the sake of attracting the kind of google traffic that would be disappointed at my content.

When my spouse came home, he was in the house less than 15 seconds and caught movement in his peripheral vision. It seems the snake had not run for cover under the couches or entertainment unit but rather had taken the long and torturous route to the bathroom.

Though there is still the issue of the crickets....

Little Girl's Birthday Party

So, my niece is turning four in a couple of weeks. While I was travelling with child number two in Germany and France :-), my husband took my other two children to my nephew's birthday party, six hour's drive away. With school starting soon, it is NOT my intent to drive six hours any time soon. It has been a thorn in this little one's side that her cousins travelled for her big brother's birthday party but not for hers.

So, with said soon-to-be four year old visiting this weekend, we took matters into our own hands and threw a four year old GIRLS birthday party. I have never had a little girl's birthday party in my house. My home is filled with hot wheels, roaming reptiles and Star Wars.

I was stunned at how much fun it was to shop for cute little hair clips, a tiara (every four year old girl NEEDS a tiara), beady crafts and baubles. I have never had the chance to see a little one slowing open wrapping paper and squeal with delight over the contents. I have never had the chance to have fancy necklaces for the guests (which, to their dismay included only boy cousins and the aforementioned boy brother).

It was an absolute delight. Thank you little girl, for indulging my fantasies, if only for an evening.

I have a rant

I don't rant often :-) and reserve it for times when I am right pissed off. I am that right now.

So, those of you who know me well know that my sister-in-law has cancer. Very serious, uncurable cancer. This is not a sympathy call. We are all growing to understand the implications of this and, as a double-edged mercy, cancer is slow to take its affects so we have the benefit of time.

Now, this sister-in-law has two young kids (4,5) and is forced by necessity to be strong and independent through the day. She has received a handicap pass in order to park close to the places she needs to be. Her cancer is in the bones of her legs and some of the invasive procedures they have done have caused deep vein thrombosis - deadly blood clots in the legs. Her mobility is absolutely restricted and when there are others around to help, she is often limited to a wheel chair.

Yesterday, taking the kids out to WalMart, she returned to her car to find a note attached to it. Telling her to get off her ass and lose some weight then she would be able to walk. Her kids were there to see her reaction. Certainly, with limited mobility and cancer-fighting drugs weight gain is evitable. And this person, despite her condition is rarely ON her ass: she has two young kids, a household and constant medical appointments.

My point: We do not know what an individual is dealing with. While I can understand the frustration if it appears someone is 'using' the system, do not pass judgement until you have walked in their shoes.

The two small lines on that note will haunt her every time she parks in a handicap spot at this point. Wondering if she'll have to defend herself. Be kind to others today, if just for me.

Our Family is Growing

Yes, we have made another addition to our family. Unbeknowst to me, my son has picked up my heritage of providing shelter to lost dogs and stray cats, or in this case injured snapping turtles. Apparently, he witnessed this little (8 inch) snapping turtle go over a waterfall (read: large turtle, small waterfall) and was so overcome with emotion that he needed to bring him an hour away from his home in a small plastic container with a rock and shell and a little water.

I can see no injury in this turtle but, never have it be said that I did not provide shelter to an animal in need.

So, last night, when all of the kids SHOULD have been settling into bed, my household was finding a tank (yes, we now have extra fish tanks just lying around waiting to be used), setting it up for a turtle and feeding him (yes, we also have stacks of food just waiting for random animals). And, when all was done and lights were turned off for the night, I heard screams (top of the lung, terrified screams) coming from my son's room.

It seems our snapping turtle is not so injured that he cannot climb OUT of his tank, fall from the 1 foot level he was at, and crawl menacingly toward the 7 year old's bed. Liam knows that snapping turtles can bite and we warned the kids last night about salmonila (sic) poisoning and how important it is to wash your hands. Liam had himself so upset at the prospects of being bitten and poisoned to death that he was sobbing and shaking.

So, (drumroll please) in, screams Super Mom, taking the steps two at a time, stubbing her toe on the door and shaking uncontrollably at the thought of the shrieks coming from her child. To pick up said turtle, place him back in his home and put two (NOT ONE) books, a piggy bank and a potted plant on top of the tank.

Liam, in his usual loving big brother style, told his younger brother that he now had permission to sleep on the floor in his room and told me with a sly smile, that way the turtle will get him first. Aiden complied. I guess he understands his role as the younger brother.

A weekend for a four year old

Studies show that birth order can have an affect on personality. Being an only child until I was twelve (when my younger sister came along), I have had no input to this theory. Until this weekend.

We had a busy weekend with soccer tourneys and camp recitals but my girlfriend offered to take my eldest to her cottage on Saturday night and we will pick him up tonight. What a difference in a four year old when you take away an older sibling. It is like he came out from the shadow he had been covered by.

Sunday was a day for Aiden - he invited a friend over and they spent the day walking along the Ottawa River looking for snakes, frogs and snapping turtles. Of course, my son was the only one to actually FALL into the water. TWICE. But, that is what we have come to expect from him. He was giggly and light-hearted, only showing his somewhat melancholy self a couple of times.

And bedtimes were SOOOOO easy. There was even time for Todd to catch up a couple of chapters on his Harry Potter book DURING THE DAY!!! People ask me whether there was a difference going from two kids to three kids and I usually respond that once you have one, you may as well have a litter. It is amazing that having only two children around can be perceived as such a break.

I love my eldest dearly and cannot wait for him to return but it was nice to allow my four year old the chance to blossom without having an older sibling to keep up with.

Some People are Very Weird

So, in surfing the Internet regularly I have discovered two things: I need more to do in my day and other people are VERY weird. Check out this site for a person that collects lost things. Any lost things...

Insulin and Fatigue

I am very conscious of what I eat. I eat pretty much only whole grains; high amounts of fibrous fruits and vegies and love things like soymilk and tofu. However, since having children I find the almost constant sense of fatigue is being held at bay with crap: chocolate and skittles and cookies and chips. Just plain crap.

As a result, it has been impossible to lose the 'baby' weight that I put on and I carry around an extra 25 pounds now. Frustratingly so. Also, I had attributed this to the fatigue again, but I have noticed that I am much more prone to common illnesses, colds especially.

In speaking with a colleague who is very knowledgable in health issues, he said that there has been links to increased insulin and a lowered auto-immune system. It seems that research is showing that consuming too much sugar, increases your insulin levels and that same insulin attacks the immune system, making you more susceptible to illnesses. I have found one site that seems to provide information on this but I am leary when it is a completely holistic approach to medicine.

But, knowing this, I am hoping this will provide the incentive that I need to be able to stay off the junk and get back my previously svelte body; not for the esthetics, but to stop this flipping cycle of colds, coughs, infections and flu symptoms. I make a lousy sick person anyway.

Bribery as a Parenting Technique

Todd has figured it out. He has found a soul in a seven year old of the male persuasion. Other than food that is. He is using bribery to cajole my latent reader into putting some effort into it.

Each chapter of a kid's series called The Magic Treehouse that Liam reads (not is read to) will get him a booster pack of the dreaded Yu-Gi-Oh cards. It seems pricey to me at just over $3. That is considering he read a chapter to Todd last night then insisted on reading a chapter to me as well.

This is a double-edged sword though. When you think about the costs of programs like Kumon, I think we are ahead. Liam did not lack the intelligence or the ability, he just would not bother trying. He would get to a word that he had to think about and say he was too tired to try. Stricken with my husband's penchant for hard labour, :-) it seemed that reading ahead of his class would simply not happen.

Then along came peer pressure to own the rares and ultra-rares of the Yu-Gi-Oh world. While I question the logic of the game and the amount of money that some can spend on cards, I will be grateful if Liam will spend the month of August reading two chapters a day. No doubt he will start grade two well ahead of the pack - something that boosters self-confidence and will enable him to enjoy going to school. As long as his parents don't need a second mortgage to keep up.

Yu-Gi-Oh Card Review

Get this.

We went to our Yu-Gi-Oh card training session and I know you are all waiting for the reviews. Well, the 17-18 year old that led the 'class' was patient and kind, helping the oggling group of 7 - 10 year olds build decks and learn the mastery of dueling.

Liam even met a kindred spirit - a little boy that had a stutter of excitement where every sentence seemed to end with 'you know' or 'whatever'. Something like this...

"So ... so ... so ... what if you get, like, a card, and it has the guy with two eyes and a million arms, you know ... what is that guy worth? That card with the arms and ... whatever."

To which the instructor would patiently reply that there are a number of cards like that but, if he would like to bring in his card the store would be happy to appraise it for him.

Up until that point, I had a great deal of respect for the instructor. Then he dropped the bomb. He encouraged the kids to take care of their cards (good), not to 'play for keepsies' because you could be losing a rare (good) and if you follow these simple rules, you could use your cards to fund your university educations.

STOP THE TRUCK! Did you just tell me that there are people out there that honestly believe they should be buying cards and saving them so they will be able to go to university? I used my advanced mathematics and financing skills :-) here. So, a booster pack is 3.25 with five cards that, assuming you can find a willing buyer, MAY be worth as much as a dollar each in ten years. Assuming you never play with them.

Yeah, when I entered the store I promised that I would not roll my eyes or groan for the full hour. In fact, I pinky sweared it. But, this was too much for my delicate soul. Do these people have such suspended belief systems that they do not get the basics of supply and demand??? In ten years, something else will have come into strength and the tale of the Yu-Gi-Oh card selling for $2500 will be again relegated to the urban legend that it is.

Uber Geek - your opinions are not welcome here....

Third Child Syndrome

Dear mommy and daddy -

It sucks to be the littlest. Not only do I have to watch as my big brothers go off to school each morning, all my best two year old tactics are wasted.

Last night, I DID NOT WANT to go to bed. I kept telling you, "I do it" with my diaper and PJs and you just smiled and laughed. This is serious stuff for me - a brewing tantrum is not to be taken lightly or mocked by you. Finally, out of frustration I let loose the wrath of my fury.

I kicked my legs - even trying to get you a couple of times. I screamed at my loudest pitch (looking around for brotherly support on this critical issue of nighttime routines). I rolled to my tummy and pounded the floor. That was the crux - it should have set you quaking in your slippers. Instead you smiled. And asked me if I would like some help now.

My brothers have completely ruined all of the fun for me at this stage of life. The tantrums, the pure frustration at my limitations. The "I do its". You guys have seen it all. No-one but me seems to lose their cool. That's it, I'm moving to a house with first-time parents. Wait a minute, Auntie Meghan has not experienced this before. I think I will save all the fun for her!

From -

The almost two year old.

Editor's Note: Good luck Auntie Meghan. Welcome to two!

Active Parenting

I consider myself an active parent. I go out of my way to spend time interacting (not just watching) my children. I try to find things that interest us both but can also be found mucking around in mud - though this might not be considered a current interest of mine.

Having said that, I have a dilemma. My eldest son is branching out and finding his own interests. Sometimes from his friends and sometimes from school, he has found pass-times that he enjoys. I entertained his interest in geology, albeit weird, because I too have been known to take an interest in the occassional rock. His latest, though, Yu-Gi-Oh cards, is beyond my grasp and frankly, my interest. A bunch of card that duel each other with a winner and a loser? It sounds like a complicated and expensive version of the kids card game, 'war'. And at least that one was easy.

There is a beginners tournament on tonight at a local 'gaming' shop. There is no way that I would allow my seven year old to attend on his own and he is constantly pestering me to 'dual' at home so there is some value in learning the nuances of the game. However, this does not interest me in any way. Now I am forced to decide: do I attend with him so that we can continue to have things in common over the years or simply let him branch out on his own?

I think this will be a turning point. I have already decided to go and learn, without rolling my eyes, as I do not want to be one of those parents that asks 'where did we lose touch' when my son is 17. I just hope he appreciates this when he is 20....

Did You Check in the Dishwasher?

Kids are funny creatures. You never know what they will take an interest in and how it will end up.

Let me set the stage. Last night my 'not quite two year old' fell face first off the swing into the sand, resulting in a full facial sand blast. You can imagine the little eyelids peeking out through the layers. Needless to say I brought him into the kitchen, sat him up on the counter and started washing.

Well, he picked up and dumped any cups or containers on the counter, then moved to the soap, then to the scrubbers, then to the plug for the garborator. Hang in there - this is not just a list of the things on my kitchen counter, I am going somewhere with this.

Back to the garborator. The plug had lettuce and refuse on it so I took it from him (or so I recollect) and told him it was dirty. However, these little creatures move fast and, while I was not looking, re-took possession of the garborator plug and made off with his treasure. I did not even notice the booty missing until the telephone calls from home started this morning.

Darling Husband: Where did you put the plug for the garborator
Me: Uh....
Darling Husband: I have checked the garbage, the dishwasher, the pantry, the toilet, outside in the sandbox, in the dryer, in the recycling container. I am out of ideas
Me: You do know I am at work, right?
Darling Husband: And I asked your 'less than two year old' son for help in finding it...he took me into the pantry and handed me an apple sauce.
Me: Uh... were you hungry?
Darling Husband: This is very frustrating. I am going to go and check in his crib.
Me: Good luck on that. (note to self: screen telephone calls for the rest of the morning).

Finally, it was located under the dishrack in the dishwasher and in order to retrieve it, all of the dirty dishes needed to be removed. Hmm...that is where I would have stored a treasure....

And Now for Something Completely Different

Finally, off the parenting ideas and onto something work related and really damn funny:

In Hell Bill Gates is given the option to pick his own punishment.

Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever."

Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner.

Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."
"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room.
Satan locks the room after Bill.
As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.

"That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"
"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan."The bottle has a hole in it!"
"What about the PC?"
"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan."And it's missing three keys,"
"Which three?"
"Control, Alt and Delete."

Some days, technology just ain't funny.

Absolutely Hilarious Letters

http://www.mcsweeneys.net

Rick Mercer has a Blog!

http://rickmercer.blogspot.com/

Hurricane Robinson

My boys are a whirlwind of fun activity. That can sometimes just be interpreted as a whirlwind.

Going away for a weekend and staying at a house without children is sometimes stressful. Don't get me wrong: the kids grandparents are wonderful and they never say anything to make me feel uncomfortable. However, (insert sigh here) my kids are active, always needing to climb on the big stones or trees my father has in his backyard. Or jump from the table onto the mattresses or go in and out of the sliding glass door. Or digging a hole in the gravel driveway. You get the picture.

Sometimes I feel like I am trying to control a force of nature. To contain the amount of chaos and resulting destruction. As the kids get older (and there are more of them) it becomes harder and harder to control individual actions. I have to rely on their insticts for what is acceptable behaviour. Apparently, it is acceptable behaviour for a 7 year old boy to spit on a frog to see what its reaction will be. Sigh.

Nature will never be the same. And I have decided that not allowing my children to interact with the outside world would be beneficial. To me. To them. Possibly to the world.

Then, I see other children and I am proud. My father decided as a parting gesture, he would treat the boys to McDonald's playland before we hit the road. There was another little boy there alone with his grandmother. Probably around six, and probably an only child, I would have been mortified if my children spoke to another individual with as little respect as this little boy did.

Yes, they break branches off trees to make forts but they don't destroy things out of disrespect. Yes, they are active but not malicious (with exception to the 2 year old). I think I have good kids. But, I may still hide them from society until they are completely respectable.

Taking Care of Your Body

So, we all know that for a car to run well it needs regular oil changes, good gas, tune ups, etc. To get to a goal financially, you need to set milestones and invest energy / mental capacity towards obtaining that goal.

I would be surprised if people (myself included) did not believe that to have a healthy body with longevity that will perform under pressure, it also requires regular tune ups and good fuel. But I bet that people today spend more time keeping their cars and finances healthy than they do in maintaining their health. I am sure there are exceptions to this rule but, mostly, we just expect that our bodies will continue to be dependable without the necessary maintenance.

Well, not any longer ladies and gentleman! Starting today, I promise to spend time on massages, manicures and pedicures. Spend time exercising and enjoying a wide variety of fuels. Getting more sleep and taking vitamins. I am turning over a new leaf. Now that my kids are a little older they can learn to be more independent.

If you need me you can find me at the spa...with my cell hone turned off!