Brotherly Love

I pretty much grew up as an only child. My parents split when I was young and I did not have a sibling until I was 12 and my younger sister was born. My husband often complains that this means that I simply cannot understand the interaction of siblings. He is absolutely right.

I have criticised mny eldest for making choices that are not fair to my second born and last night, I had the jaw clenching wonderment of seeing the behaviour passed down.

As we got into the van to head home after swimming lessons, I gave my middlest the option of playing with the toy that he had left sitting in his seat. There had been tensions on the drive over because the 2 year old wanted a crack at it but, Aiden was not yet ready to share. After swimming, he had found an object (don't ask) that held his attention and he did not want the toy. Until I handed it over to the littlest.

Oh, the wailing and gnashing of teeth. I CHANGED MY MIND!!!! Aiden carried on for the full ten minutes home until he realized that we had all left the vehicle and left him behind. Apparently, it is acceptable sibling behaviour to not only want happiness for yourself but, that dish is best served when it means taking it out of your brother's hands.

Should have had girls....

It's not the Job that's Hard

It has been my experience so far in life that jobs are easy, it is finding care so that you can make it to the job that is the big challenge.

Prior to kids, I had no trouble with absenteeism or holding down two jobs. I am interested and challenged by the work that I do. I am committed to doing a job well so I am focussed while at the office ... when I have someone I trust to watch my children.

I have been lucky. For the past two years, my sister has been coming to my house every day reliably to watch my children. They love spending time with her and frankly, my youngest has spent more time in his life with her than he has with me. There is a very special bond there. But, like all good things, there must be an end.

My sister seems to feel that she deserves a life and a future as well as the rest of us. Damn her. She has graduated with a diploma in vetrinary science and is anxious to get into her 'career'. Todd and I have been supportive, secretly hoping that it will take her about two years to find a job. But alas, this is something that she enjoys and is good at. It has taken her less than two months to find something and I am out looking for care AGAIN.

I recognize that I have been spoiled. Between me being home with the boys for two and a half years, then my sister taking over, my kids have no idea what daycare is like. I have been able to make specific demands ranging from what my kids eat, to their activities, to what kids they spend their time with. I will not react very well to having things dictated to me. I also know that, when they do something wrong :-) my kids have the benefit of the doubt that comes from a 'caregiver' that loves them and will work with them to create appropriate behaviour. A regular caregiver might just label them as bad kids.

I am working to try to accommodate my sister through a combination of neighbourly help, working longer days but less of them and placing extra pressure on my husband and myself to alleviate some of the strain on my sister. I am hoping that by doing some of these things, we can convince her to stay - at least on a part time basis - for a little longer. I recognize that this is not fair to her.

At some point in life, the needs of the children became more important than the needs of their three caregivers: mom, dad and may-may. I am sorry that she has been clumped in that group, without ever having made the choice to have children but I think that she would be proud to be there. And I know that my children could not live without her.

'scuze me while I go and have a moment ... just a little stress going on in my neck of the woods right now....

Education in Ontario

When we chose to have a house built in the West End of Ottawa we had considered proximity to schools, resale potential and the strength of the infrastructure. We live in a nice neighbourhood with educated, respectable neighbours and so far there has not been a problem.

Last night I experiences SUCH incredible frustration that this will warrant a call to my local trustee.

Our neighbourhood is full of new construction. Our house is three years old and is one of the older ones in our community. The community is also full of young children so they built us a primary school a couple of blocks away. That school's maximum capacity is 560. It is currently at 890 but that is not the focus on my concern.

My eldest son started out in one grade two class. In the school they had also created a 2/3 split. After school started and they confirmed the enrolment, they received funding to create another grade two class so my son was moved to the new class - IN A PORTABLE - with a new teacher. If it wasn't bad enough to have grade two's in a portable, the teacher has not received ANY of her supplies yet:

No books for the kids to read as they have not been provided. I sent in 10 of my early reader books but I was the only parent to send in books.

No text books for the kids. The teacher was proud of herself that she had gotten a text book from one of the other classrooms and photocopied the pages, shrinking them down so that she could get four to a sheet of paper. This is for the language segment; she has one text book for the science segment (that the kids are sharing) and there is no math segment available yet. ABSOLUTELY LUDICROUS.

No coat rack, shoe rack or anything to hang up their coats on. Apparently, this is on back order.

More seriously, one of kids in Liam's class has a hearing disorder. Nothing serious but it requires that his teachers use a device that removes ambient sounds and clarifies what the teacher is saying. In Ontario, the funding for the schools pays for this device and it is supposed to follow the child from year to year. At the end of the school year last year, the mother went through the adminstrative hoops to have it in stalled in his new classroom. He was one of the kids move to a portable and the device has not yet moved with him. Completely appalling that this child is struggling to even hear the instructions because the school cannot get their act together.

My son's new teacher simply gushed (there is no other way to describe it) about how important it is that this year be 'beautiful' for the kids because they receive two of their sacraments. Hmmm... so my kids soul will be permitted to go to Catholic heaven but he will not be able to read the directions on how to get there. Off to call the school now and get a reputation for myself.

The Terry Fox Run

Now, Liam has been known to be a little shallow, not offering the greatest insight and capable of relating any situation directly to his needs. A perfect 7 year old boy. We have taken to discussing his day at school when he climbs into bed at night. In a busy household it is the only time of day where you can be guaranteed parental concentration.

We have discussed the fact that he has switched teachers and moved to a portable; why convincing someone to stick a pencil in a fan is NOT a good idea; and recently when it is ok to agree to do something that you have been 'triple dog dared' to do. Last night was no exception.

The school is supporting the annual Terry Fox Run. Liam has some pretty serious questions about what happened to Terry's leg. He understands that Terry had serious cancer and, Liam tells me, he did not recognize the symptoms in time for doctors to save his leg. He has not drawn any connections to the cancer survivors in his own life but is anxious to support a worthy cause. Today he is using part of his allowance to pay to wear a hat in the school.

Did you ever have cancer?, he asks me. No, I assure him, non-one on mommy's side of the family has ever had cancer. Oh, he thinks for a minute. How about lice? Did you ever have lice? Sigh. To a seven year old, all afflictions fall into the same basket.

No, for the record, I have never had lice. Nor have I ever had the chicken pox.

First Day of School

In our school board, junior kindergarteners (four year olds) are staggered into the school system. The first week they attend and interview with a parent and one other family. The second week they attend one day on their own, with a group of four other children and on the third week they attend JK full-fledged.

Aiden completed his second week of JK this week, attending the class with four other kids. Despite my reservations he had a great time. In his little lispy voice, he said it was AWESOME!!!

He says that he played with the cars and trucks there, sang some songs and he read some books. No, he tells me, the teacher did not read the books, the kids got to read the books to each other, telling each other what was happening based on the pictures.

Understanding the routine, I had packed kleenexes, wipes, handsoap and antibacterial cream. He told me that he gave everything to his teacher from his bag, 'cept his snack, to which I replied that the teacher probably had her own snack. Hey, he says, that's 'zactly what SHE said!!!

He's hilarious without even trying.

Sublminal Mind F&^% America

OK, I draw the line here. I have noticed over time that Todd and I have different ideas in parenting. Mostly, we are in synch but there are times when one of us has to turn the other way and allow the other person to parent. One of those moments has occurred and I am about to throw Todd under the preverbial bus.

Todd, in his wisdom, has succumbed to Liam's love of music. Not the lilting voices of country, the calming nature of classical or even the throbbing beat of hip hop for my son. No, Liam has chosen hard thrashing rock, specifically Greenday, as his music of choice.

Now, I am not innocent here. I can remember the mocking of colleagues when I shared that one of my favourite performers is Eminem. You can imagine my car-seat laden van, trapsing through suburbia with the screams of Lose Yourself blaring through the speakers. I believe the lines from the peanut gallery went something like this: "Gunna get me a f(&^n grocery cart. And your posse can't stop me." :-) However, I have given over to the Sharon, Lois and Brams of the world and reserve my trash music for headphones at the office. Mostly so I cannot hear said colleagues.

Todd, on the other hand, also a lover of Greenday, made Liam's day last week by bringing home a copy of their new CD, American Idiot. You can imagine from the title that it is not the most PC. However, Todd has tried to turn the volume down at the opportune times, limiting the swear words and concepts that the children hear.

Aiden poignently showed us how effective that is. Driving home in the van last night Aiden was singing a song, his little lisp making the words a bit hard to understand, until one line: "subliminal mind f*&k America" which came out clear as day. The CD has now been confiscated, amidst the crying and nashing of teeth from all four boys. This is the trump card called Mother's Perogative.

I had to make room for Eminem...

Cube People

This is absolutely hilarious.

http://www.mcphee.com/

Homeopathic Medicines

I am a bit of a strange person when it comes to chemicals. With just enough knowledge to be dangerous, I have converted my house to all non-chemical based cleaners, use tea tree oil based ointments and skin treatments and was soaked for almost 3K for an electrostatic, hepa filtration system that is supposed to clean every particle of air in my house over 24 hours. And, this autumn, I will need to pay $350 for a new filter for said cleaner.

But there is one thing that I cannot survive without. Thank you large pharmaceutical companies for anti-biotics. Despite all the research out there on how they can lower the immune system and/or create super powerful viruses that will take over the world, they offer effectiveness and peace of mind that I have yet to find in a natural based alternative.

Kudos to those parents who can proudly say that they do not resort to antibiotics for their kids but, with accident prone asthmatics in my house, traditional medicine here I come.

Last week Keegan fell while chasing a squirrel. He will confidently tell you "Aiden did it" but alas, there were witnesses. He scraped his knee up pretty bad but through bandages and the expensive natural topicals I thought we had it licked. But Keegan is a picker; first in a long line of pickers... And he attacked that scab with a commitment I've not seen before in a two year old. And of course, five days later, it errupted in a flaming circle with little white pussy spots. Off to the doctor and 24 hours of an oral antibiotic later, all is healed.

I could not have gotten that quick a response from a natural topical. And there would have been agony and angish over trying to keep the bandage on the knee. Now, all I have to worry about is the inevitable scarring.

BTW - It is my youngest's second birthday today. He is my big two year old now. And halfway to school age....

He's MYYYY kid

I always knew I would have trouble with school. I am a bit of a control freak and have have been known to not share nicely with others. And by school, I mean my children attending grade school.

It always seemed weird to me that I could spend the first four years of their lives constantly keeping them safe, guiding their values and occupying their time with things that I think are appropriate for children. Then, at the old age of four, I should confidently HAND THEM OVER to another person who will in the end spend more time with them than I and shape their core learning. NOT ON MY WATCH, I scream.

I was mocked, apparently appropriately, by other mothers in my neighbourhood that I stayed for the first 2 hours of my grade two's first day of school. They cast suspicious glances my way: wasn't he embarrassed that you stayed? Didn't you feel a little weird as the only parent there? Did the teacher finally ASK you to leave? No, I replied. My whole possessive neuroses seemed completely normal in the setting. I helped the other children get their pencils settled; helped to organize who goes on which bus and made sure that my child was not with a psychopath that could affect his life forever. After all, he came from my body.

Now we move on to JK, which starts for my second son next week. I know his teacher - she is the same kind-hearted JK teacher that my first son had. But my second son is different. He is more reserved; more tentative in social settings and can get himself so upset that he has cried until he vomited. Come on moms out there, you KNOW the type. So, for his first real day of school, I have booked the day off work and it IS err ... WAS my intent to stay with him while he integrates. His interview was today so I asked my spouse to pass this message along to said kind-hearted teacher.

Then things turned nasty. Apparently, they are restricting volunteers in the JK classrooms this year as they found things too chaotic last year. I will be relegated to one day in his English class and one day in his French class over the course of the year. ONE DAY. When Liam was in JK, I was regularly around and had a wonderful relationship with his teachers so I do not think this is directed towards me. HOWEVER... sometimes I think that teachers do not realize that the responsibility for raising healthy, well-adjusted children falls to MY shoulders NOT theirs.

And that it is MY choice to place them in a school in JK and SK. It is not mandatory. I am not one of those sainted mothers who would choose to homeschool: while I respect them greatly, I think they are crazy. But, that does not mean that I want to sign away my responsibility for 8 hours a day. I want to be a part of my children's lives and, for the next umpteen years, those lives will revolve around school.

I want to see who they choose to play with, what activities they enjoy the most and I want to be able to help in areas that they find challenging. Cause thats what a mom does. When I was in school, my mother worked full time and was not able to spend time in the class room. With my younger sister, we were afforded the luxury of a stay-at-home mom who volunteered daily in the school office and was very involved in my younger sister's schooling. And I am sure that kept her in line and focussed.

Wish me luck as I express my outrage to the school at being limited in the amount of time I am ALLOWED to volunteer. I have arranged a compressed schedule that allows me one full day of volunteering every 2 weeks. Just try to keep me out of those classrooms. I can't imagine that having an extra adult pair of hands would ever be a problem in a classroom packed with 21 four year olds. Now I know the teachers in my life are rolling their eyes right now. Beware - this is a mother on a rampage: worse than a back of running hyenas. Clear the way ladies and gentleman and offer comments carefully.

I love language

Now, I am NOT a Yankee and pride myself on being fully Canadian but, on a lark :-), I took this language quiz and discovered that I am only 55% English. I wonder which 55%....

Your Linguistic Profile:

55% General American English

20% Yankee

10% Dixie

5% Midwestern

5% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Structural-Functionalism

Being well-schooled :-) in useless but interesting university facts has created in me a persona that ponders. Alot. I think about things that I find interesting and I wonder why cultures have taken on beliefs. I thought I found refuge in anthropology in university: the study of the whats and whys of other cultures.

Now, I am a culture junkie. Talk to me about life in the India or Asia and I am riveted: you go to the store for milk, you say??? Fascinating. As North Americans we are not comfortable simply accepting that other cultures are different from ours, we need to understand why. OK, maybe that is just me. That is why I have taken such a shining to one anthropological perspective: structural functionalism.

I cannot remember who created the theory but I remember the meaning: all cultural norms in life have a purpose, from somewhere. At some point there was a reason why a culture behaved a certain way and despite the need no longer being relevant, the behaviour has continued to exist. Take for example, the sacred cow of India. In India, the cow runs rampant and can be seen wandering the streets of Mumbai. Strange to Western thinking but, not long ago, cows were killers :-). They were filled with disease in Asia-Pac and people were warned to stay away from them lest they 'catch' what the cow was carrying. Even now, many of the wandering cows are diseased: ever seen a rabid, nasty, cud-chewing cow???

Anyhoooo.... there are still some things that I cannot explain but, my pondering brain, and my government job :-) will allow me to research some of these things in the near future. Stay riveted to your seats, now...

Australia --> mentioning the names of the dead

Jews and Muslims --> Eating pork

Arabs --> Displaying the soles of the foot, touching shoes, eating with the left hand

India -->Public display of affection, kissing in public, addressing elders by first names, smoking/drinking in front of one's elders

Chinese --> Public displays of affection, addressing elder by first names
Chinese women--> Appearing in public in late pregnancy, staying indoors for the first 100 days post-partum, planting at tree at the 100 day point

Japanese --> lowering your eyes when speaking with an equal or an elder

Mountaineers --> Stepping on climbing ropes, even when not in use

Technical Update: To Spam or not to Spam

Spam: The bane of modern communications:

Telephone solicitors interrupt our Sunday Dinners, junk mail fills our mailboxes and land fills. Spam mail fills our inboxes. It has inundated online role-playing games, and as of today has hit the blogging community( or at least this blog).

Effective today the comment section has had word verification enabled. What does this mean? Well it means to post a comment you are going to have to enter a randomly selected word you see on the screen. This word is rendered in such a way as to prevent auto-botting systems from spamming the comment section. It is displayed in a skewed image so that text-recognition systems cannot read it, but the human brain can.

Sorry for the inconvenience folks, but it is better this than random links to those NOT SAFE FOR WORK sites.

Tech support

First Day of School

Well, yesterday was the first day at school for my eldest son. He entered second grade with a sense of confidence that I wish that I could mirror in my everyday life.

His teacher this year is absolutely fantastic. I stayed for the first two hours to see how things panned out and the woman opens the class by taking out her guitar and singing with the students. I think Liam is in love. She will have no trouble getting control of this class: she is young and pretty. I was worried about the girl to boy ratio 8:18 in her class but after seeing her in action I think she will be fine.

I was surprised when I went to leave the class and he asked me to stay a little longer. It made me feel good that he is still in the stage where he wants me to be active in his life. I know that all too soon he will ask me to walk behind him in public places. As busy and all-consuming as this stage is, I am not looking forward to my kids moving off into their own lives...

Hurricane Katrina

Well, I have avoided posting anything on this topic as there is no limit to the qualified sites that are available right now with up-to-date information. However, this morning on Postcards, a friend of mine posted about individuals who are trying to help.

So, in an effort to ensure that each of you knows HOW you can help, here are some links that can start the process. For those parents out there, these links are not for the faint of soul. It breaks my heart to hear of the mothers looking for children and of children (in one case a family of seven) who now have no living relatives.

I am working with officials in the government department that I work for to see if they will allow me to collect items from staff (there are 4800 of us in Ottawa) and have the department pay to have the items shipped to:

Marksville City Hall
Attn: Myron Gagnard /Hurricane Relief Coordinator
427 N. Main Street
Marksville, La. 71351
Phone # to the mayor's office for verification: 318-253-9500

Here is THEIR list of what they are in need of at the shelter:

*Baby Items: baby wipes / disposable diapers/ formula / baby bottles / baby shampoo / baby blankets >anything for babies
*Purell or some type hand sanitizer
*Pillows / blankets
*little T-shirts ( babies to childrens sizes)
*Over the counter pain relievers (tylenol, motrin, tums, alka seltzer, pepto bismol, band-aids, etc)
* color books / colors / board games / books (for kids in shelters)

Kudos to you Cooper and Emily for trying to pull this together.

Made my Goal for Run for the Cure

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I have surpassed my goal of $150 for donations to the Run for the Cure cause already. The deadline was (is) September 16th so this really reduces my stress. For those of you who did not yet have the chance to donate, you can always donate to my 'run' or you can help my spouse Todd reach his goal. It all goes to the same place.

Thanks again.

CIBC Run for the Cure

And this is the part where I hit you up for donations... sorry all ...

As some of you know, I have two individuals in my life currently battling the effects of breast cancer. Each year, the Canadian Cancer Society puts on a promotion called the Run for the Cure. Sponsored by one of the local banks, it raises a great deal of money by having the participants run or walk and get sponsors.

For the second time, my husband and I will be participating. This time, I think we will try to take the kids. We opted NOT to last year as the event is very emotionally charged: people create and carry signs to show who they are walking for and their current status. Many of the 'walkers' sported the bald heads or bandanas that have become the hallmark of chemotherapy.

This year, while the situation has not changed, I think it is important that my children learn the impact they can have by donating their time and sometimes money for a valuable cause.

I have registered on the CIBC Run for the Cure site and listed my personal goal as $150 Canadian. The site makes it easy for you - you can donate using your VISA card, as little as $5 Canadian. I am never able to know who has donated or how much they have given, nor for the record, do I get a listing of your VISA number, despite frequent attempts :-).

I just get to see the donations thermometer rise, knowing that I am doing what little I can to help my mother in law and sister in law. For any of you that do not know my full name, post me a comment and I will send it to you directly. Most of you can figure it out anyway.

I know that many of you are dealing with your own finacial demons right now, but if you could spare a couple of pounds or one US dollar, that would really add up from a Canadian perspective!

Thanks

yvonne

If Bill Gates Ran GM's Helpline

I totally have stolen this from this site but it was absolutely hilarious.


General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if they did....
-----------------------------------
HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!"
HelpLine: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
Customer: "What's an ignition?"
HelpLine: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."
Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!"
HelpLine: "Is the gas tank empty?"
Customer: "Huh? How do I know?"
HelpLine: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?"
Customer: "It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?"
HelpLine: "It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you."
Customer: "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Your cars suck!"
HelpLine: "What's wrong?"
Customer: "It crashed, that's what wrong!"
HelpLine: "What were you doing?"
Customer: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed and it won't start now!
HelpLine: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?"
Customer: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't crash any more!"
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