It's not the Job that's Hard
It has been my experience so far in life that jobs are easy, it is finding care so that you can make it to the job that is the big challenge.
Prior to kids, I had no trouble with absenteeism or holding down two jobs. I am interested and challenged by the work that I do. I am committed to doing a job well so I am focussed while at the office ... when I have someone I trust to watch my children.
I have been lucky. For the past two years, my sister has been coming to my house every day reliably to watch my children. They love spending time with her and frankly, my youngest has spent more time in his life with her than he has with me. There is a very special bond there. But, like all good things, there must be an end.
My sister seems to feel that she deserves a life and a future as well as the rest of us. Damn her. She has graduated with a diploma in vetrinary science and is anxious to get into her 'career'. Todd and I have been supportive, secretly hoping that it will take her about two years to find a job. But alas, this is something that she enjoys and is good at. It has taken her less than two months to find something and I am out looking for care AGAIN.
I recognize that I have been spoiled. Between me being home with the boys for two and a half years, then my sister taking over, my kids have no idea what daycare is like. I have been able to make specific demands ranging from what my kids eat, to their activities, to what kids they spend their time with. I will not react very well to having things dictated to me. I also know that, when they do something wrong :-) my kids have the benefit of the doubt that comes from a 'caregiver' that loves them and will work with them to create appropriate behaviour. A regular caregiver might just label them as bad kids.
I am working to try to accommodate my sister through a combination of neighbourly help, working longer days but less of them and placing extra pressure on my husband and myself to alleviate some of the strain on my sister. I am hoping that by doing some of these things, we can convince her to stay - at least on a part time basis - for a little longer. I recognize that this is not fair to her.
At some point in life, the needs of the children became more important than the needs of their three caregivers: mom, dad and may-may. I am sorry that she has been clumped in that group, without ever having made the choice to have children but I think that she would be proud to be there. And I know that my children could not live without her.
'scuze me while I go and have a moment ... just a little stress going on in my neck of the woods right now....
Prior to kids, I had no trouble with absenteeism or holding down two jobs. I am interested and challenged by the work that I do. I am committed to doing a job well so I am focussed while at the office ... when I have someone I trust to watch my children.
I have been lucky. For the past two years, my sister has been coming to my house every day reliably to watch my children. They love spending time with her and frankly, my youngest has spent more time in his life with her than he has with me. There is a very special bond there. But, like all good things, there must be an end.
My sister seems to feel that she deserves a life and a future as well as the rest of us. Damn her. She has graduated with a diploma in vetrinary science and is anxious to get into her 'career'. Todd and I have been supportive, secretly hoping that it will take her about two years to find a job. But alas, this is something that she enjoys and is good at. It has taken her less than two months to find something and I am out looking for care AGAIN.
I recognize that I have been spoiled. Between me being home with the boys for two and a half years, then my sister taking over, my kids have no idea what daycare is like. I have been able to make specific demands ranging from what my kids eat, to their activities, to what kids they spend their time with. I will not react very well to having things dictated to me. I also know that, when they do something wrong :-) my kids have the benefit of the doubt that comes from a 'caregiver' that loves them and will work with them to create appropriate behaviour. A regular caregiver might just label them as bad kids.
I am working to try to accommodate my sister through a combination of neighbourly help, working longer days but less of them and placing extra pressure on my husband and myself to alleviate some of the strain on my sister. I am hoping that by doing some of these things, we can convince her to stay - at least on a part time basis - for a little longer. I recognize that this is not fair to her.
At some point in life, the needs of the children became more important than the needs of their three caregivers: mom, dad and may-may. I am sorry that she has been clumped in that group, without ever having made the choice to have children but I think that she would be proud to be there. And I know that my children could not live without her.
'scuze me while I go and have a moment ... just a little stress going on in my neck of the woods right now....
posted by y-vonne at 5:25 AM
4 Comments:
Finding decent daycare has definitely been one of my most stressful parenting hurdles. Hang in there, though. It is possible to find a daycare provider who will try to accommodate things as simple as what they like to eat and as important as understanding each child's particular strengths and weaknesses. You know I love our DCP, and although I've had to hand over control of more than I would have liked, I know the boys are safe and happy - the most important criteria.
Let me know if you need some resources, I've got a few for finding daycare in the city.
finding the "right" daycare is not only scary but hard...I wish you good luck and hopefully soon you will have tis all figured out.
I'm happy for your sister as I know you are too...I like being proud of my family members (even though some of us don't get along...hehehe).
I'll keep you in my prayers.
You live in the west end? Whereabouts? I had FABULOUS luck through Mothercraft. They helped me find home care for our daughters when they were wee. After they were about 18 months we decided they needed something a little more organized because they both seemed to outgrow their caregivers. They needed more than these people (as sweet as they were) were able to give. So we enrolled them at the Children's Centre. They are awesome there... more like a preschool. Some people are anti-preschool, but the people at the CC were genuinely wonderful, the kids ate very well and did all sorts of wonderful things.
(Ok how many times did I just say "wonderful" ?)
Well, I am nowhere close to you, living in the western part of the US. But my advice is to go with a daycare center, if you can find one. Maybe like the one Andrea mentioned above?
I preferred a center for a number of reasons, not least of which is that there is accountability (ie. you don't have to be worried about the daycare lady doing something cruel or hurtful, and nobody being any the wiser).
Also, the interaction with kids their own ages, and the fact that the older ones get preschool included. For us, that has been a huge bonus. That and the daily socialization.
The downsides are price (centers are higher than in home providers by a lot), and of course, your boys would be in different rooms, with their age groups, so they would be split up.
So, anyhow, just wanted to give you my perspective. It will be hard, I'm sure, but I think you will be pleasantly surprised that most daycares (the good ones anyway) will work with you on most everything. I bring in my own canned vege's for my boys, because I insist on organic - and they've put up with me on this for 3 years now! This and many other things.
Good luck with the search. Whether my advice was helpful, or just plain ignored (I can handle it), I am sure you will find something good that you and your boys will be happy with!
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