Sibling Rivalry
Sometimes my children are at a disadvantage in that all my extended family siblings are so much younger than me. The closest in age is 11 years my junior and since I left home for university at 18, I really cannot say that I have had a lot of experience at being a sibling.
My kids are 3 and 2.5 years apart. They have lots of experience at being siblings and my spouse, also one of three kids, assures me that they are very good at it.
Last month I decided that there is downright abuse from the oldest to the second and after regularly screaming at my eldest (er, not that I am a screamer) I decided to tackle this with intelligence. Imagine my surprise in that I think it was effective.
I have spent the last year losing it with Liam when he is kind to others (actually to a complete stranger) then abusive to his younger brother. I decided to *insert hushed tones here* actually TALK with Liam.
I explained (yes, to an eight year old) that personality is half what you are born with and half what you experience. I will accept no comments from the peanut gallery here. My undergraduate degree in sociology allows me to make gross, sweeping generalizations about the nature vs. nurture debate.
Then, I played on his ego. I told him how he is SOOO confident and SOOOO smart and SOOOO popular because his father and I encouraged him at every step of the way. When he wanted to take part in things, we always included him. You get the picture.
Now, I said to my captive audience *insert scary music here* imagine if you will, growing up in an environment where every time you wanted to be included, someone (er, Liam) made fun of you or would not let you play. Now, imagine that this person’s friends picked up that trend because, well, ... they could. Think about what your personality would be like.
As my huge finale I asked Liam, “Do you want to have to coach your little brother for the rest of his life because he is too afraid of rejection to take a chance????” Yes, grandmaman, I am fully aware that this single clause will result in years of counselling for Liam. It is a price that I am willing to pay for family harmony now.
I am very surprised that this 15 minute conversation has changed our household. Liam – who hates to be alone – has found that his younger brother is willing to serve the purpose of sleeping on Liam’s bedroom floor so that Liam does not have to go to sleep alone at night. While we only allow this on the weekends, it is a delight for me to have to go into the room after half an hour and threaten them because their giggles are too loud. They know the threats are empty. I would listen to giggling children for hours on a weekend night. In fact, I don’t care if they ever go to sleep. As long as they are laughing and kind to each other.
Who’d have thought that talking with a child can actually be effective. I guess I learn something new every day.
My kids are 3 and 2.5 years apart. They have lots of experience at being siblings and my spouse, also one of three kids, assures me that they are very good at it.
Last month I decided that there is downright abuse from the oldest to the second and after regularly screaming at my eldest (er, not that I am a screamer) I decided to tackle this with intelligence. Imagine my surprise in that I think it was effective.
I have spent the last year losing it with Liam when he is kind to others (actually to a complete stranger) then abusive to his younger brother. I decided to *insert hushed tones here* actually TALK with Liam.
I explained (yes, to an eight year old) that personality is half what you are born with and half what you experience. I will accept no comments from the peanut gallery here. My undergraduate degree in sociology allows me to make gross, sweeping generalizations about the nature vs. nurture debate.
Then, I played on his ego. I told him how he is SOOO confident and SOOOO smart and SOOOO popular because his father and I encouraged him at every step of the way. When he wanted to take part in things, we always included him. You get the picture.
Now, I said to my captive audience *insert scary music here* imagine if you will, growing up in an environment where every time you wanted to be included, someone (er, Liam) made fun of you or would not let you play. Now, imagine that this person’s friends picked up that trend because, well, ... they could. Think about what your personality would be like.
As my huge finale I asked Liam, “Do you want to have to coach your little brother for the rest of his life because he is too afraid of rejection to take a chance????” Yes, grandmaman, I am fully aware that this single clause will result in years of counselling for Liam. It is a price that I am willing to pay for family harmony now.
I am very surprised that this 15 minute conversation has changed our household. Liam – who hates to be alone – has found that his younger brother is willing to serve the purpose of sleeping on Liam’s bedroom floor so that Liam does not have to go to sleep alone at night. While we only allow this on the weekends, it is a delight for me to have to go into the room after half an hour and threaten them because their giggles are too loud. They know the threats are empty. I would listen to giggling children for hours on a weekend night. In fact, I don’t care if they ever go to sleep. As long as they are laughing and kind to each other.
Who’d have thought that talking with a child can actually be effective. I guess I learn something new every day.
posted by y-vonne at 4:10 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home