Yoda does not use light sabres in the van and other tales from the dark side

Sometimes I cannot believe that spatter that comes out of my mouth. Dribble, drabble … close your mouth when you eat …. Wa, wa, wa … no it is not alright to pick your bothers nose. You get the picture.

Then sometimes I have to laugh at myself. Not the quiet little snicker that comes from reading something interesting; nope, not for me. It is that gut-wrenching, can't explain why I am laughing through the tears one *insert maniacal grin here* where people look at you on the street and speed call Children's Aid.

I had a moment like that this weekend where I had to put a stop to dangerous behaviour while I drove. The conversation went like this.

Me: Aiden, stop swinging that stick around in the van. You will hit someone.
Aiden: But, I am being Yoda. And it is not a stick. It is a light sabre.
Me: (no hesitation here) Yes, but even Yoda's mommy had a rule about having light sabres in the x-wing. You could puncture the side of the vehicle and send us all careening out of control and the anti-gravity devices would cause total devastation.

Aiden: (Looks around and lowers stick to ground with very concerned look on face).

Less than 2 seconds later…

Me: Keegan, stop swinging that stick around in the van. You will hit someone
Keegan: I, Yoda.

Rinse and repeat cycle. Some of you may ask why I would not just ban sticks in the van. You see, there is a general ban against all beating devices both in the house and in the van however, those sticks - they be wiley. They sneak up on you and jump inside vehicles when you least expect them. Or so I am told.

And rather than swinging my arms around in the van to snatch and confiscate said devices I have found it easier to speak in the language of the natives.

Just to be very clear: I am completely aware that my children will need years of counselling just to recover from the parenting they have been subjected to. And there was not even any alcohol involved. When my kids grow up they will face the question (shown by their belief in the impossible and co-dependence) "So, were your parents alcoholics?" "No, man. I wish they had been. Might have been easier than the suspension of disbelief. You never knew what was going to come at you next."