Church of Scientology

So, Tom Cruise has made quite a ripple in society recently with his association with the Church of Scientology and criticisms of Brooke Shields. Since I liked him in Mission Impossible, I wanted to see what makes him tick and stumbled upon the recruitment questionnaire for entry into the Church of Scientology.

Now that questionnaire only has 200 of the 343 more revealing questions so I have pulled some interesting ones out for your perusal ...


• Have you ever set a poor example?
Yes, and I will never again be allowed to drive in the State of New York

• Have you ever made a practice of confusing people?
Whenever possible, preferably my children and always on days ending in "Y"

• Have you ever castrated anyone?
Literally or metaphorically?

• Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead?
Hmm...I often act when maybe I should philosophize. Does that count for something?

• Did you come to Earth for evil purposes?
Hell no, I came because Earth Boys Are Easy

• Have you systematically set up mysteries?
I'm not even sure what angle to take this question, but for some reason I wanna say yes.....

• Have you ever gone crazy?
When was I actually sane again?

• Have you ever sought to persuade someone of your insanity?
Oh...there's no need to persuade...

• Have you ever deserted, or betrayed, a great leader?
I can't think of it that way.....I loved him, things just didn't work out......

• Do you deserve to have any friends?
Only good friends...that will take care of my kids and do nice things for me

• Do you deserve to be enslaved?
Didn't I see this in a porn movie at one point? Not that I would know anything about that.... (this is a church questionnaire right?!?!)

• Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real?
Only on the weekends, never a weekday, and only in the comfort of my garage ;-)

• Have you ever zapped anyone?
Ooh, is that considered sexual harrassment?

• Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so, did you spread it?
Does one get multiple bodies in this Church? Cause if I can have a back up to clean and cook and work for me, then I'm in! I'm so caught up in the thought of an extra body that I forgot to request one WITHOUT the v/d.

• Have you driven anyone insane?
Ok, well, technically no...yeah, that's the response I am gunna stick with

• Have you ever killed the wrong person?
Not sure, cause I usually run away quickly when I strike


I, to the contrast of my better judgement, actually completed the whole questionnaire. I don't recall it being this much work to become a Catholic or a Baptist :-). I wonder if I will qualify to become a Scientologist. I wonder if Brad Pitt is a Scientologist. I need more in my life so that I stop wondering like this...