and then there were three

Better things on the Horizon

2010-02-26T18:05:00.000-08:00

It has been a tough start to 2010 for my eldest son. Sometimes I forgot how really hard it can be to be 12. He has been acting up at school - nothing serious: not finishing his homework, goofing around in the class. Things like that.

Last week, he and 15 of his closest friends decided it would be funny to laugh at a teacher as she walked away from them. Nothing was said. It was simply laughter. It was enough to trigger her sending the pack of boys to the office and the principal handing them an 'in school suspension'. I had never heard of the concept but, essentially, it means that you sit in the principal's office for the day and do your work.

We had no choice but to react. Hard. He was prevented from travelling to his hockey tournament and had to hear from me (as the manager) about how the team was doing. He lost all home privileges as well.

This week, you have turned things around and I am really proud of him. He has been getting excellent feedback from the teachers. Homework has been getting done. He has been respectful and kind - even to his brothers and that is sometimes hard for the eldest of three.

I am completely confident that we can turn this around with some TLC.

Maybe it is true what they say: sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can climb your way back up to the top.

Getting Back at It

2010-02-22T02:06:00.000-08:00

With three children life has gotten busy on me. The days are sometimes long and yet the weeks whip past. It was only yesterday that I can remember the excitement - and fear - of my first pregnancy. I have allowed the little things in life to slip, things like photos and jotting down memories and chosen to live the experience rather than scribing it.

Now, as I see my youngest off in grade one and asking questions about the past I realise that scribing and photos - those are not the little things. Cleaning my house and walking the dog - those are the little things.

I will try, starting this week, to log the experiences of life a little better. Tools like a blog make it so darn easy. That way, when my grade one student asks me to tell him about the day of his birth I will remember more than running across the park with two two year olds on my hips and asking my neighbour to help out because I was going to be a bit busy for the next few hours. Sorry Keegan, that is all I have for now but I will log your life from this point on.

We Belong Together

2006-11-06T11:35:00.000-08:00

My husband calls me a flake. I frequently do not know where my bank card is. I rarely lock the door on my vehicle and I am constantly purchasing additional pairs of mittens or scarves as I have misplaced the ones that I had been using.

The trouble is not that I am not intelligent. It is that these things are simply not important to me.

I am usually balancing my own three children and a flurry of their friends. These are the things that are important to me. Do I have all the children I am meant to have? Are they happy and safe?

You could ask me a question like that at any given time during the day and I will be able to answer you.

I met a mom in my area walking the kids home from school one day last week. She is a wonderful person and I never feel judged by her. She wanted to let me know that she noticed the cat outside that morning and that my husband had not closed the garage door behind him so, she hopes it is alright, but she opened the door to the house (which was not locked), let the car in then manually closed the garage door. At least that way it was a visual block for a would-be robber.

It was an anomoly my husband told me.... as I snickered in the background. I understand. He is trying to get three kids out the door WITH their school bags and lunches and mittens and hats. I totally get that.

This morning he stooped lower than me though. He called an eight year old who lives across the street as he was driving to work. He asked him to look outside his window to see if Todd had remembered to close the garage door this morning. And DON'T TELL YOUR MOM.

That's flaky.

He's in!

2006-11-01T04:12:00.000-08:00

Aiden was "accepted" into the Beaver Colony in our neighbourhood. He starts tonight!

Check this out:

Where Beavers live
Beavers have a special place where they meet each week. It's a mystical place called the "Pond," where you live in a "Colony," and join a small group called a "Lodge," with other Beavers just like you!

Beaver Tails and Symbols
When you join the "Lodge," you get your very own symbol, to attach to the pocket of your vest. Every fall you get to make a new tail to wear on your hat. The tail changes colours as you get older. Just before you swim up to Cubs, you wear the "White Tail" with the "Magic Light" symbol.

Eager Beavers
When you learn your Law and Promise, you can become an Eager Beaver, during a special ceremony with all your leaders and friends.

Beaver Promise
I promise to love God and help take care of the world.

Beaver Law
A Beaver has fun, works hard and helps family and friends.

Beaver Motto
Sharing, Sharing, Sharing

Beaver Salute
A Beaver salute is a special sign of greeting. To make it, just bend your two front fingers, to look like the two front teeth of a real beaver.

Tail Slap
A "tail slap" opens every meeting. Your leader will help you start each meeting this way.

A Beaver Colony

2006-10-26T08:15:00.000-07:00

We went to a meeting last night for the possible creation of a Beaver Colony in the boys' school. Actually, it was Liam (in the 8 - 10 Scouts age group) that was the most interested in the program however, when Aiden realized there was overnight trips he agreed to try things as well.

The inclusion of girls in the program was something that I remember reading about in the media but was not concerned as it had no direct impact on me.

We listened to the regular schtick about why scouting is a good way of life for kids. We were marketed to about how we should step up and get involved in the kids' activities (namely as a leader). However, it was most interesting to hear the group leaders talking afterwards.

It appears that there were 16 potential scouts that came. Four of which were girls. It has been since 1999 that the Scouting movement allowed girls to join. The men were all leaders and they were overwhelmingly supportive of the girls efforts to join in.

In fact, since there are only 13 spaces, three of the kids will not be able to participate (assuming that all kids decide to join). The men agreed that none of the four girls will be declined the opportunity. Interesting that we have moved to a reverse discrimination. But good for the girls.

Be Prepared.

Any idea how to get bar-b-que sauce out of Irish linen?

2006-10-24T04:20:00.000-07:00

Next time I am going to buy a plastic table cloth from the Dollar Store.

Issuing an Apology

2006-10-21T08:26:00.000-07:00

Grandmaman, I am sorry that I ever doubted you.

You see, I am committed to my all natural, non-chemical solutions to most things in life. At the same time, I fully recognize that they simply do not work.

I have kept my Irish linen table cloth since February when it received a massive red wine stain. It was a heck of a party but no amount of natural cleansers could get that stain out. I even gave in and bought and used bleach. Repeatedly. This table cloth was a wedding present from Ireland. It is special to me. And, with the days of consulting behind me, money no longer grows on trees.

I am having another party tonight. There will be lots more red wine. I could not come to terms with buying another tablecloth, knowing full well that we will all have a little too much to drink. And the tablecloth will not survive. So, I gave in and tried the OxyClean that grandmaman had given me in a little baggy.

The tablecloth and the little baggy had been sitting on my dryer since last February.

OMG - it worked. I doubted that it would work and I doubted the premise that it is a more natural cleanser than bleach. I figured you were wrong on both counts. I have my tablecloth back now though. It is not perfect but you would have to look really closely to see the stain. Something we will not be able to do after a few glasses of the stainer!

Thank you!

Please God

2006-10-20T18:56:00.000-07:00

The routine in my life is that I pick up the children from school. Since both schools dismiss at the same time, it is physically impossible for me to be at both on time. I am grateful that I have made arrangements with another family to pick up their daughter and Keegan at 3:20 and then I meet the father walking home with my other two.

The ride from the school home with two 3 year olds is always a hoot. I hear about their versions of events that happened at school. I hear about things in the other little girl's home and I hear about the things they would like to do.

Yesterday, Jayden (the little girl) informed me that she would like to go for a bike ride with Keegan this weekend. I agreed that this could be arranged and we discussed all the people that would be invited. Keegan's older brothers. Jayden's older brother. It was important to Jayden that my husband Todd be invited. Sure, I say. Of course he will come.

At which point Keegan informs Jayden that he cannot come. Sometimes daddy is mean Keegan says. Sometimes he spanks mommy. I almost choked on my tongue. Willing myself not to laugh I ask the obvious question: "where the heck have I been while this is happening?" Throw a pack of Marlboro's in my pocket, add a NASCAR flag flying proudly and we'll be all set.

Please God, let Keegan be SOOO shy at school that this is not a conversation that he has already had with his teachers. Please God. I would hate to have to move.

Proud Mama Moment

2006-10-20T18:47:00.000-07:00

School is fairly easy for my kids so far. They are intelligent children with parents that work hard with their activities to support their learning. The consequence is that they are generally in the upper portion of their classroom grading. For my eldest, this is important as in Ontario, grade three is the year for province-wide testing. They want to make sure that the kids in a school in Timmins are getting the same quality of education and results as schools in say, Ottawa.

So, Todd and I were quite surprised that over the course of the last six weeks, Liam has had very little homework. So much so that Todd scheduled a meeting with the teacher. We figured that he was simply not bringing the homework home and therefore it was not getting done.

Imagine my surpise when the teacher showed Todd Liam's work so far in the class. His creative writing was done, and done well. His math tests have come back perfect. No word of a lie: the kid has not made a single mistake on his math so far. In English, he has scored 5/5 on four tests and 3/5 on one test. The teacher says that he is assigned his work and he buckles down and does it. And does it well.

Not that I have ever doubted that he is a bright kid. I know that. Just the same way that every parent KNOWS that their kid is bright. I am just surprised that he is committed. This is the kid that will bargain out of brushing his teeth at night if he thinks he can get away with it.

Todd says that it was grade three where he hit his stride. Before that his teachers thought he was just arrogant :-). By grade three they were calling it precocious. Then gifted. I am not big on labels so I am not going to push for gifted testing. In my eyes, all my children are gifted. I am just glad that he has found his groove. He is doing well and it is a big relief for me.

antics that make you laugh

2006-10-20T18:39:00.000-07:00

or something like that.

I went to pick up Keegan from his "school" on Thursday night. I was greeted (nee accosted) by a group of screamin 2.5 - 5 year olds. "Keegan did it. Keegan did it." I wanted to crawl inside a hole before I even got into the classroom area.

It seems (the teacher tells me) that Keegan left the water running in the sink in the bathroom. With a wad of paper in the sink that clogged the drain. And the bathroom is large and outside of the regular school area so it was not noticed. Until the water started to seep into the classroom area.

I would have given my left arm to have been the mother of another child at the school at that moment. ANY OTHER CHILD.

Of course, I apologized. I did not laugh. Then I made excuses. You know, he just turned three. It is easy for someone who JUST TURNED THREE to forget to turn the water off when they leave the bathroom. In my head, I am wondering where the supervision was. But, I know that the curriculum for this school is much more hands off then I choose to be. Of course, I am working with the assumption that this was an accident.

I ask Todd to investigate further when he does the drop off the next morning. It seems that this phenomenon has been a problem at the school for a couple of weeks now. Starting with an older child. It is a right of passage that they transfer this knowledge onto the younger crew. And the teacher mentions, Keegan did it TWICE on Thursday. Not once.

Most of the kids at this school are girls. And most of the kids are extremely docile. Not only would it not occur to them to do this, they would not move from their mats to the washroom without express permission anyway. Ahem, yeah, I have not been blessed with that kind of child. I have the creative, curious and yes, mischevious child that causes grey hairs every time I pick him up at school.

Where is that stone for me to crawl under?

How a Woman's Mind Works

2006-10-18T04:32:00.000-07:00

Things are good in the Robinson household. Both my husband and I are employed. There are no financial issues. While there are a few things hopping health wise, there are no major health problems for us. Relatively speaking, we are coping with health issues in the extended family as well and there has been minimal impact on the boys.

Life is Good.

Yet, when my S-I-L was here over the weekend, we hashed out some issues. I love talking with her: she is at the same stage in life with three young kids, trying to get her act together to get back to work. She is a human being who, like me, is trying to figure out this world.

Together, we figured out that university is only 9 years away for my oldest (10 for her oldest). Now, neither family is scraping to make ends meet but, it is difficult to put away a large nest egg for university. We are paying daycare and mortgages, student loans and retirement savings. This financial sandwich stage probably has the least discretionary income than any other point in life.

And so we stress. When I should be celebrating as we pull our mortgage off our debt load, instead I stress. How on earth will we pay for university for three boys, I ask my husband. How???

Oh, to be a man. And a relaxed man at that. His reply is that we always pull through. There is no reason to be stressed. We will chip away at the savings that we need and, in the event that there is not enough savings there, we will rely on debt and just pay it off later.

Womens' brains? We don't work like that. It sure is refreshing though!

Had a wonderful time this weekend Jen. I look forward to seeing which liner you chose and the wonderful "grotto" they are creating in the back.

I wish I could go back

2006-10-18T04:23:00.000-07:00

Before I was a parent, I had every confidence that my children would NOT be the children in the grocery store acting out and my children would not be the ones the teachers have to reprimand.

When I had one child, I would be concerned with parents who let the children wander out of arm's reach. I would feel badly for the children whose parents would "ship them off to my house" repeatedly. I figured the parents were at home eating bon-bons with complete disregard to the needs of their children.

Now, with three, I would like to go back to a time when I knew so much. I would like to go back to a time when it would bother me that I have to leave my children unattended, locked in their car seats in the van, while I run inside the house *finally* to pee in private.

I would like to go back to a time when my middlest does not tell me "I didn't ASK you, I TOLD you" when I refuse to serve ice cream for supper. At least it wasn't at school.

The Routine

2006-10-05T07:30:00.000-07:00

So, we decided after two unsuccessful attempts at getting a nanny that, basically, I cannot handle not knowing what happens in my house during the day. We have decided on different care options for the boys, based on their needs, on what is available and how things fit with our lifestyle.

Todd and I are switching off shifts: I work from 7 am - 3 pm then race home to get the boys from their respective schools. Todd works from 9:30 - 5:30 and races home for 5:45 for supper. Despite the concerns that we had going in, we seem to have settled into a routine: I have not yet been late for getting the boys and, in fact, now have a trade off going with one of our neighbours where he gets my two oldest from the same school as his son and I pick up his daughter from the same school as my youngest. It stops the Amazing Race of Stress that was going on during the first week and each of the kids is getting home from school with an adult.

Keegan is in the Montessori Program in Ottawa and while it is different from my parenting style, the teachers are kind and the ratio is 1:6 - much better than the school system. He is learning academics as well as social skills in preparation for JK. We have not decided whether or not we will have him continue for JK and SK at the school but we can see how the year progresses.

Aiden is at a girlfriend's house for mornings Tues - Fri. While she only has a daughter at home that is Keegan's age, Aiden is happy to be the leader in the house and she is out every morning at an activity of some sort: from gymnastics to the chocolate factory. On Monday's he has a special day and visits with one of his friends from his class last year. These kids are soul mates and are not in the same class this year so it is nice for them to have a day together.

For Liam, he gets to walk in with a grade six boy. Being in grade three, life could not get any better than that. And, he is picked up by the father mentioned above but they are not even home before I arrive with the other bundle of kids. Effectively, he does not have or need before/after school care and that is great.

We are starting to enlist my sister for help during PD days and we figure between her schedule, and ours, we can cover most PD days and holidays. Todd is going to take off the two weeks at Christmas and I will take off the March break. We are still going to be looking for options in the summer but that is miles away. Who knows what can happen before that point. The nice thing is that every year things will get easier than this year and frankly, going into October, this year is not all that hard.

Whew. There is light at the end of the daycare tunnel!

Going to Try Again

2006-10-05T06:50:00.000-07:00

Well, things have settled in our lives finally. We are in a routine so you can expect to see some updates again soon.

y

When you want to run away from it all

2006-06-13T04:50:00.000-07:00

We have taken to watching the Discovery Channel "Animal Planet" just before bedtime. It is on at 7:30 in Ottawa and with baths and teethbrushing done for the night, it allows for some quiet intraspective (ha!) time. As long as they are not crashing elevators.

Last night however, there was a segment on tree houses. Sometimes I think British Columbia (Canada's Pacific Coast province) goes out of its way to attract wacky people. Either that or they consume just a few too many of their magic mushrooms.

Anyhooo ... the guy on the show last night sleeps in this:

Seriously.

It has running water, electricity and sleeps three. Of course, the first question from the peanut gallery is, "Can we make one?" Never mind that I live in a tight (read on top of eachother) community development that was built on farm land four years ago. FARM LAND. Ever see a large grove of trees in the MIDDLE OF A FARMER'S FIELD? No, cause the tractors would run into them. We have no trees. There is a fledging maple out front trying hard to get as tall as the house. I am not sure the branches would be strong enough yet for a bird house, never mind one of these eyes in the sky.

I am all for the environmental stuff but frankly, this weirds me out more than a housing development would. Read more here.

I am a terrible wife

2006-06-13T04:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my 13th anniversary of marriage. We were together for millions of years before that. :-) But, in a life with three kids, important milestones like anniversaries are celebrated with family not as alone adult time. So, we celebrated with a water fight, supper and a little bit of Discovery Channel. Then we both collapsed into bed.

But, Todd bought red long stemmed roses. Thirteen of them to be exact. Even when life is busy, he takes the time to nurture the relationship and, while putting them in a vase involved MANY hands and a little bit of chaos, the effect was not lost. Thank you, honey. For remembering and for still having the energy to do something about it. (Unlike me who never made it to a store of any kind) That is what keeps this relationship alive.

I love you.

For the Love of Boys

2006-05-23T04:35:00.000-07:00

While my boys are active, they are generally well-behaved and liked by the school. There has been the odd bus report and Liam did get a note home because he cannot seem to stop talking with the girls in the class but other than that, I am anticipating smooth sailing at school. But, I think it would be possible to achieve more.

I found a book at the local Indigo, called The Minds of Boys. I am always interested in better parenting and am frequently at a loss to what goes on inside the minds of the men in my house. And, in my faith in academia, I thought a book might help. :-)

For parents of boys, this is an amazing book. It is written by Michael Gurian, well-known in the US for education policies and a behaviour management specialist. When I talked with two teacher friends of mine, they have both heard of him.

The most interesting part of the book is that the author feels that the current set up of our education systems in North America position boys for failure. He starts out with some pretty disturbing facts about ritalyn and behaviour issues in boys and stregthens his "theories" with neural research. This is the part that hooks me. Anyone can have a theory on anything but quantitative research does not lie.

At work, brains of little boys (using national averages) get 25% less blood flow than brains of little girls. Even little girls whose brains are at rest, are getting more blood flow to their brains than little boys struggling to solve a problem.

The body's natural way to increase blood flow is what Gurian calls self-stimulation. Don't get all weird on me. At 5, self-stimulation means tapping your feet when someone is talking with you. Writing on your arm in class. Getting out of your seat to talk with someone. These are not behaviours in the case of little boys. This is the body's natural instinct to increase blood flow to the brain (a muscle, I believe?) in order to allow them to concentrate.

The other interesting part is that boys learn visually. I find that interesting because I learn visually and I am not a boy. :-) When you give verbal instructions to a boy, on average, you will need to repeat it three times before they internalize it. Or you can write it out (spatially), preferably in a grid format of some kind. Once. And they understand and can follow it.

With our school systems, the "excellent" students sit still and listen to the teacher. They complete their work sitting in their chairs and not disrupting the class. They hand their assignments in quietly and sit back in their seats waiting for the next instruction. You can see how this would make it very difficult for boys to succeed.

The interesting part is that Gurian is an education specialist. I have no time for theories where only the complaint is presented. Give me some workable options that could solve the issue or don't waste my time. I am only at page 75 and already Gurian is presenting communication options for young children. Have them repeat the instructions. Don't yell - they don't follow instructions orally anyway. Write out simple steps in a routine. Bedtime Routine: 1) brush your teeth 2) get your pajamas on 3) put your clothes in the laundry basket. Place the list somewhere and offer a reward scheme. Use stickers and books and snuggles. All excellent advice.

The other funny part of this self-stimulation is that Gurian supports allowing boys to "play" with something in the classroom. You know those pokemon cards that the teachers confiscate? They are helping the little boy's brain stay awake. He recommends a couple of pieces of lego or a squishy ball. I have gotten frustrated with my boys as we settle down at night because they both want to fidget with something while we read our night time stories. But, I have learned to ask questions about what we read and so far neither of the older two boys have disappointed me in their comprehension. Now, the third, there is not a squishy ball large enough for that one...

I dunno

2006-05-23T04:23:00.000-07:00

I was speaking with my SIL yesterday morning. at 6:30 am. Apparently, even after two years, the time change from Europe to Canada still escapes her. But I digress.

We were talking about the kids (her three and my three) and some of the differences we have noticed in personalities and approaches in life. She is comfortable in a small town in Germany having her seven and five year old outside in a field about 5 - 6 houses away playing with each other. I would not even consider that. But we talked about reasoning and my thoughts are that 1) I don't trust the people around me and 2) I don't trust that my kids will not get into trouble. Jen had me questioning though - was there ever a time when your kids DID get into trouble? I could not think of a solid answer.

My kids are generally good kids. Will they fight with other kids? Absolutely! But it is rare and, for the most part, they will talk it out (by that I mean a little name calling) and walk (or run) away.

As I cleaned in the silence of an empty house yesterday I thought maybe it was time for me to give my kids more autonomy. It would certainly be easier on me. Then I walked into Keegan's room. Somehow (I dunno how) the picture frames that are on the shelf above his bed are all lying face down. As I approach, I realize that the photos have been pulled out of the frames (they are children's frames with a filmy plastic covering and no glass). They are the shapes of animals. One is missing his tail. All the photos are crumpled into little heaps and the prop on the back of one of the frames has been ripped off.

That Jen, is the reason that my children are not left unsupervised. I have no doubt that my two year old would not have been trying to destroy the frames or the pictures. In his curiosity, he was no doubt wondering how the pictures go in, WHY they go in, how the frames stand, etc. And yet, I no longer have three adorable picture frames in his room.

Soduko

2006-05-03T06:43:00.000-07:00

Thank you grandpapa!

Liam became addicted to the soduku puzzles that you both brought to our place on the weekend. He tells me that you stopped at Chapters and picked up a simple (for kids) version for Liam before heading back to London.

He is completely wrapped up in them and will now move comfortably from road hockey to reading to soduku. It will give us something else that he can see and complete while he is patched. Let's hope this addiction does not cost me the fortune that Aiden's addiction to mazes has cost me!

Update on Liam

2006-05-03T06:38:00.000-07:00

Liam, my eldest, had his specialist appointment yesterday with a pediatric opthamlogist (say that three times fast). He confirmed what the original optometrist had said: Liam has approximately 20% vision in his right eye.

He is guarded about the prospects of patching therapy but, willing to support my husband and I in that, if there is an opportunity to get the vision to 30 - 40% we are going to give it everything we have to get there. We are certainly not the kind of people that will go down without a fight.

So, I go tonight to have my second son tested. I do not believe there is any vision reductions in either of his eyes but time will tell. In addition, I will order the special prescriptive lens for Liam and we will start the patching therapy. While he is not currently a candidate for surgery, if we can get the neurons to respond and transmit again, he might be a candidate for surgery in the future.

Liam is pleased - they have told us that he needs to be completing near-sighted work while wearing the patch. He has been saving up for a gameboy. On the way home from the hospital, he and my husband stopped and bought one of the new gameboys that that he can play that while patched and it will be less of a hassle for us. Here's hoping that it works.

Indoctrination into Catholicism

2006-05-03T06:32:00.000-07:00

So, we did it. My eldest has now officially been devoted to God. He can check the little boxes beside his name that says: confessed, communioned and confirmed. And it was not as painful as I would have expected.

One of the concerns that I have always had with Catholicism is that it is difficult to follow parenting or marriage values when NONE OF THE PRIESTS ARE MARRIED OR HAVE KIDS. But the priest at the congregation to which we are officially members, seems to have one foot in reality. He is young and he has a sense of humour that leads me to believe he gets it. He really gets it.

He explained the Holy Spirit to the kids in terms of chocolate milk. If you don't stir it up a little, it just congeals at the bottom of the glass... kind of yummy but difficult to drink. When dismissing the children for their special liturgy he asked each of them "who prays at night". My children did not know to feel shame here but I quickly looked at the stained glass windows ... and the carpet ... anything to not maintain eye contact. Then he asked "who prays for the Ottawa Senators to win the Stanley Cup" and they all cheered. He admitted that he too, prays for that!

The guy has a sense of humour and may, in fact, win me over to the Dark Side. It will be interesting to see.

Organization Tip

2006-04-21T04:10:00.000-07:00

I love organization. Don't get me wrong: I am not saying that I feel well-organized. Just that I love the feeling of comfort that comes from everything being in the right place at the right time. At work, I am supremely organized. At home, I manage chaos.

One of the greatest challenges that my spouse and I have had is keeping track of important things. Appointments are usually booked by us during business hours at the offce so getting things on to the calendar at home can be hard. Dates and times get messed up. And important things get missed.

My husband though, is a wonder of technology. If it is advanced (and usually if it costs money :-0) my husband will try it. His latest contraption is google calendar. I have to admit. I absolutely love it. We have not been able to sync our Outlook calendars because they are filled with work related meetings and appointments. This one, though, we can both fill up with important events. That way we can blame the calendar when we miss them.

Amblyopia

2006-04-14T05:56:00.000-07:00

Check Ups

I have pretty severe frustration with the Canadian medical system. There are simply not enough doctors for the patients and even families that are relatively healthy have trouble getting in to see their physician. My kids have been going to clinics all year long for their ear infections, colds, flus, etc.

Imagine my surprise when we get a chance to see their pediatrician for their annual check up. I was expecting that we would have trouble with Liam's back. We have known about this for a year or so but not been able to get to see a specialist. Finally, we have gotten a referral to the children's hospital for a proper diagnosis. I was not expecting that my eldest son has almost no vision in his right eye.

Apparently, approximately three percent of kids are afflicted with this. Liam's is extreme at this point and, according to the pediatric opthomologist, there is no way that this is new. This has been ongoing for a few years but has not been caught. I am frustrated with myself and with the medical system. Had this been caught prior to the age of three there is a high likelihood that he would have had perfect vision restored by six. Catching this at eight, there is zero chance that he will have perfect vision however, with "patching" the good eye and using a strong lens on the weak eye, we should be able to restore some vision. SOME VISION.

Absolutely incredible that we had no idea that his vision was that poor. I am including some information below on amblyopia.

As for his back, we are going to get x-rays on the back and hip. There is a good chance that there was hip dysplasia as a baby that was not diagnosed and the curvature in his back is simply the muscles accommodating this. I don't believe this to be serious. Liam plays every sport out there and has excellent dexterity. I am considering chiropractic treatment. Personally, the whole thing freaks me out but I have talked to a number of parents now who regularly see chiropractors with their kids and have excellent results.

I would love to hear your thoughts on chiropractic practices...

Amblyopia
Sometimes even children with perfect eyes can't see well. How can this be?
What is it? Practice makes perfect. Young eyes need practice in order for mature vision to develop in the brain. For this to happen, a clear image of the world needs to land on the retina and be transmitted to the visual cortex of the brain.

Amblyopia is the loss of vision caused when a clear image of the world is not available on the retina during key periods of development. The visual cortex of the brain develops dramatically in babies and young children. It continues to develop throughout the first decade of life.

Anything that interferes with a normal image on the retina during this time can lead to amblyopia – a loss of vision that continues even if no problem remains in the eye.

Who gets it?
Amblyopia might occur in strabismus, when one eye deviates to the side and isn’t used as much. It might occur if there is unequal vision in the two eyes from astigmatism, or if one eye is more nearsighted or farsighted than the other. It might occur if there is a cataract blocking vision in one eye, or if there has been an injury.

Whatever the cause, if the “lazy” eye relaxes, the vision in that eye gets worse, and a destructive cycle begins. The initial difference between the eyes does not have to be dramatic.

Amblyopia only begins during the first ten years of life. It is more likely, and often more serious, the younger the child is when the retina is not receiving a clear image.

What are the symptoms?
Most amblyopia is discovered during routine eye screening – without any symptoms having been noticed. The symptom of amblyopia is decreased visual acuity, but this is not usually found unless the child has her vision checked.

An eye that deviates, cloudiness in one eye, or any signs or symptoms of nearsightedness, farsightedness, or astigmatism might suggest that amblyopia is developing as a result.

How long does it last?
If normal vision is not restored to the eye by about age 6, some degree of vision loss will probably be permanent. Usually a lazy eye should be diagnosed by age 3 in order to restore normal vision to that eye by age 6.

How is it diagnosed?
A March 2002 policy statement by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that all babies have vision screening (including screening for strabismus and amblyopia) at the earliest possible age, and at regular intervals throughout childhood. Rather than relying on informal or subjective assessments of vision, the policy discusses photoscreening, a new test that can make checking vision easier and more accurate for even very young babies. A specially equipped camera takes their picture and a computer or a person analyzes the eye data obtained. Ask your pediatrician about having your baby screened.

If there are abnormal results on vision screening, or any reason to suspect amblyopia, the child should have a complete eye exam as soon as possible.

How is it treated?
The key to treating amblyopia is starting early. The first order of business is to identify and plan to treat the underlying cause of the amblyopia if it is still present.

It is also important to temporarily block vision in the better eye so that the child will use and exercise the “lazy” eye. This process may go on for weeks or months or even years.

Eye patches have long been a standard treatment for amblyopia. But children and parents alike sometimes have a tough time following through. Even if the child is initially enthusiastic about looking like a pirate, the patch ordeal can soon get old. It did in my house.

I was pleased to see a study published in the March 2002 issue of Archives of Ophthalmology that tested children with amblyopia at 47 different clinical sites. Half received patching (6 hours a day for 6 months); the other half were treated with blurring eye drops in the good eye (one drop of atropine a day for 6 months).

Treatment was successful (at least 3 lines of vision improvement, or vision brought to at least 20/30) in 79 percent of the patched kids and 74 percent of those receiving drops. Atropine drops appear to be a great treatment choice for some families.

Busy?

2006-04-11T04:58:00.000-07:00

So, I watch other children. Not like I am stalking them in a weird way. I am just interested in their behaviours and the responses of their parents or caregivers. I like to see how personalities are formed over time.

Yesterday, after a bit of miscommunication between my children's parents :-), I scrambled at the last minute to get my eldest to floor hockey. Picture this...

At 5:40, I realized that Todd was not coming home from work. Ever. And I had not been able to coax the kids in from the park in order to feed them a healthy supper before the eldest played floor hockey so, I improvised. We are going to another park ... a funner park ... I told the two youngest. And I loaded the wagon full (seriously) of sand toys and sand *this part is important for later* into the front seat of the van. I stole the "Lunchables" (only the healthy choice ones!) from the fridge and some apples, a bottle of water and fishy crackers AND I RAN FOR IT!!!

On the way to the floor hockey, I threw back apples and the Lunchable for Liam. I wanted to save the "supper" for the younger kids as entertainment at the game. The first corner that I take I hear "ssssss" sort of like air coming out of the tires... Then I realize, it is the sand stored in the bottom of the wagon .... draining into the socket for my cell phone charger in the dash. At this point, I was wishing I had slid some of that vodka into the water.

We get to the game and get Liam settled with his stick and his jersey and his water bottle ... and I settle down to the role of a short order cook in a REALLY fast diner. Open the cream cheese for one, open the pizza sauce for another, start spreading the cream cheese - EMERGENCY WASHROOM BREAK - ok, ok, squirt out the sauce for the first, pick up the cheese from the floor, bite the tips off the turkey nibblers (cause no-one would actually eat the tip of a turkey sausage) ... you get the picture. Hold the water bottle so none gets spilled. Remove socks on self to clean up the water that gets spilled while I was spreading cream cheese... Once the feeding frenzy is complete (over in 6.2 minutes), I spend the next 50 minutes corralling kids on the gym equipment they have stored on the gym stage. And up and down the stairs. Then cleaning up a bloody nose (Aiden of course), more pee breaks, trips to the water fountain, etc.

At this point I notice, there is another kid on the stage. A little younger than Keegan - maybe just turned two. And she is standing between her father's legs, eating a small container of fishy crackers. And not saying a word. And not running anywhere. I know there is an upside to having active, busy children. But, at this point I fail to see it. And I forgot my wet socks on the stage.

An Exhausted Parent

A Laid Off Perspective

2006-04-04T04:26:00.000-07:00

I tend to read blogs from parents, not just focussed on parenting but talking in general about a parent's perspective. One of the blogs that I read, "Laid Off Dad" had an interesting post on the effects of having been laid off during the high tech shuffle. The effects of a layoff go so much deeper than financial.

My husband and I were lucky ones. We know friends who were off work for more than a year and accepted jobs that were significantly less pay than before. I was laid off in February 2002, after returning from maternity leave. They had replaced me while I was off and I knew that the company was not considered "family friendly" so, when I had no job to go back to and was given pieces of other people's jobs, I knew the writing was on the wall. It did not make the conversation any easier to handle.

It took me a few months to figure out that I could be home with the kids without the guilt of not having a job and rather than looking for full time work, I agreed to watch a friend's kids and work part time (one day at the office and 7.5 hours scattered throughout the week). It actually worked out best for everyone. I was making reasonably good money and getting out of the house one day a week. And I was home to abuse the kids during the day. Even so, when a full time position came up I jumped at it even though I was seven weeks post-partum with my third. I jumped because I just never knew when I would get the next chance.

For Todd, I was already off work. He was laid off in September 2002 and, unlike me, he did not see it coming. The company was doing well however, they had set up Todd's office as a satellite office (always a risky place to be) and they had just delivered on a cutting edge technology. Delivered translates into limited future value. They shut the whole office down. Todd was only off for 6 weeks when he used his contacts and landed his first contracting job. This lasted for 3 months, then 3 months more and during the final weeks of the contract, Todd landed a job with a company making software to help learning and economically disadvantaged kids learn math and English.

In both our cases, we landed on our feet. While there was economic "strain" there was never the possibility of losing the house, or being forced to sell the cars, etc. We were never up against a wall. However, similar to Laid Off Dad, I have never brought in personal items to my desk. I keep one drawer of documents that I would need to bring with me when I leave. And I prefer contracting (there is a clear end date that both parties agree to in advance) over supposed full time employment. At least in contacting you get well paid up front and have the ability to save understanding that there will be times without work.

A tough lesson in Life

2006-03-31T12:00:00.000-08:00

Jan – April are the times for birthdays in my family. It includes everyone but the youngest in the smarmiest cash grab you have ever seen. All of the things that were not successfully vied for from Santa are requested from mom and dad and the host of grandparents that my children are lucky enough to have. Add this to the birthday party grabs and well, there is really no need to purchase toys for the rest of the year.

Unless your younger brother gets a better gameboy than you.

I feel terrible for Liam. Understand though – in my opinion it is not about the gameboy. Frankly, my kids need another electronic device like the need a hole in the head. It is just that it is hard to watch the apparent agony that Liam is going through. I am pretty sure there is physical pain there.

So, as parents, we decided that Liam could work to save the money for the same game boy as Aiden. Aiden’s was used and purchased through a chain in Canada called Electronic Boutique (EBGames). At the time of purchase, it was $29.99 Cdn. Liam has rifled through his pennies and done his jobs (and scammed his aunt into giving him $10), to the point that last night he had $30 to his name. We agreed to pay the tax.

Imagine my horror when we got there and were told that Aiden’s had been purchased on sale. We did not know. The price is actually $39.99 and Liam did not have enough money. Despite the quivering lip and the anger on his part, he maintained composure and resorted to the only other option. He begged. Hard.

However, the sixteen year old clerk and his father did not give in. Liam will be forced to do another week or so of hard labour. Or coerce his aunt into giving him another $10. My bets are on the aunt.

NB – note to all grandparents. I will hunt you down if I find any cards in the mail directed to Liam.

Sibling Rivalry

2006-03-31T04:10:00.000-08:00

Sometimes my children are at a disadvantage in that all my extended family siblings are so much younger than me. The closest in age is 11 years my junior and since I left home for university at 18, I really cannot say that I have had a lot of experience at being a sibling.

My kids are 3 and 2.5 years apart. They have lots of experience at being siblings and my spouse, also one of three kids, assures me that they are very good at it.

Last month I decided that there is downright abuse from the oldest to the second and after regularly screaming at my eldest (er, not that I am a screamer) I decided to tackle this with intelligence. Imagine my surprise in that I think it was effective.

I have spent the last year losing it with Liam when he is kind to others (actually to a complete stranger) then abusive to his younger brother. I decided to *insert hushed tones here* actually TALK with Liam.

I explained (yes, to an eight year old) that personality is half what you are born with and half what you experience. I will accept no comments from the peanut gallery here. My undergraduate degree in sociology allows me to make gross, sweeping generalizations about the nature vs. nurture debate.

Then, I played on his ego. I told him how he is SOOO confident and SOOOO smart and SOOOO popular because his father and I encouraged him at every step of the way. When he wanted to take part in things, we always included him. You get the picture.

Now, I said to my captive audience *insert scary music here* imagine if you will, growing up in an environment where every time you wanted to be included, someone (er, Liam) made fun of you or would not let you play. Now, imagine that this person’s friends picked up that trend because, well, ... they could. Think about what your personality would be like.

As my huge finale I asked Liam, “Do you want to have to coach your little brother for the rest of his life because he is too afraid of rejection to take a chance????” Yes, grandmaman, I am fully aware that this single clause will result in years of counselling for Liam. It is a price that I am willing to pay for family harmony now.

I am very surprised that this 15 minute conversation has changed our household. Liam – who hates to be alone – has found that his younger brother is willing to serve the purpose of sleeping on Liam’s bedroom floor so that Liam does not have to go to sleep alone at night. While we only allow this on the weekends, it is a delight for me to have to go into the room after half an hour and threaten them because their giggles are too loud. They know the threats are empty. I would listen to giggling children for hours on a weekend night. In fact, I don’t care if they ever go to sleep. As long as they are laughing and kind to each other.

Who’d have thought that talking with a child can actually be effective. I guess I learn something new every day.

My Apologies

2006-03-29T08:10:00.000-08:00

And I didn't even have the grace to inform readers.

About six weeks ago I realized that I had taken on more than I could chew work-wise and some serious buckling down was going to be required if I was going to survive the end of the government fiscal year (March 31, 2006).

Luckily so, I put almost my whole life on hold and focussed completely on the tasks at hand. Apparently five contracts concurrently ending with deliverables on the same day is enough to occupy all waking hours.

March 31 is coming this week and I am putting the final touches on my projects. In a more sensible approach, I have renewed only two of the contracts - with deliverables in June and August. I am anticipating a more balanced lifestyle starting April 1.

My mortgage thanks you for your patience. I will start blogging more regularly in a couple of days once I have finished my apologies!

Johari Window

2006-02-17T04:43:00.000-08:00

It is not often that I put myself out there for comment. Hmmm...other than the regular posts on blog and, er, every time I request an evaluation form after a presentation... Ok, so actually, I seem to put myself out there for comment on a regular basis. This Johari Window seems neat. I found it on a girlfriend's blog and was interested to see that it creates a graph of similarities: comparisons of how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you. Only compliments are available. Who can ask for anything more than a stream of compliments???

I have taken a crack at how I see myself. Once you pick the 5 - 6 words, you get to see how they compare with how I hope that I present to the world.

Liams Gunna Kill Me

2006-02-15T07:27:00.000-08:00

So, this is the post where my eldest son looks back and wants to die out of embarrassment. You see, we went through his Valentine's last night. While completely stripped of anything edible, many of the cards had not yet been opened and given the decent viewing they deserve. And many of them were from girls.

Liam is lucky. Unbeknownst to Todd and I, we have somehow :-) created a visually appealing version of ourselves. Yes, we too are shocked at times. Liam, you see, is hot. In an eight year old, still picks his nose kind of way.

And the Valentine's that he received showed that. There were curly cues and smiley faces and hearts with 'I love you' written on the inside. The only things missing were the promises of marriage and the dowries of candy. Which, when I explained it, seemed quite interesting to him. Hmmm....the completely self-focused boy asks, do you think I could get a guitar? Or a pair of healeys if I promise to marry them?

Sigh. The only difference as he ages will be the content of the question, not the nature of the question. So, uh, mother, do you think Suzie's family will buy us a lambourghini if we marry? A cottage in the poconos? Nice to know that I have created a kind and conscious kid...

Wasn't that a Party

2006-02-15T04:12:00.000-08:00

So a week or so back, we had a party at our place. Six couples, no kids, costumes and murder mystery and sangria. Whoa sangria. Things got a little out of hand and, if the one with the pictures would EVER download them, I could prove it. In the spirit of the moment, I am including a recipe for hangovers - and pretty much anything else - that really should be known by all.

Tequila

Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila®.

Tequila® is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila® can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Tequila® almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila®.

Tequila® may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila®. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

A Letter to the Teacher

2006-02-08T06:51:00.000-08:00

Dear Mrs. Bergeron

I regret that I am having to bring a case of obvious bullying to your attention. You see, Aiden has come home with scratches, albeit small and sometimes invisible, every day since school resumed after Christmas holidays. I am told that a little boy named Noah is a self-assigned bully and has been responsible for torturing Aiden, among other children, in the classroom.

I understand from speaking with other parents, then corroborating the story with my son, that Noah is actually NOT in my son’s class and does not come into contact with him, well, ever. Aiden is fully aware of this and yet, this terrible little boy somehow manages to push and scratch my son, without ever having to be in the same room. This just speaks to the awesome powers that this child has. He is a super hero bully.

Aiden and I have talked about coping strategies. Yes, I used the words coping strategies with him – he is very smart you see. But, I am at a loss in teaching him how to cope with his invisible aggressor. Somehow, my advice to use your words is lacking in force when the aggressor has no visible ears.

Aiden assures me that he has brought this situation to your attention repeatedly. However, in speaking with you, you remember nothing of the conversations and do not have Noah in any of your classes. What are you trying to hide??? Who are you trying to protect???

I would appreciate you invoking special security measures in your classroom, akin to a HazMat scene. According to my only source (Aiden), this is the only thing that will stop this other child.

PS. Please do not call social services.

PPS. He seriously believes this to be true and has even come home from school crying about the issue. I have heard kids can have imaginary friends. It just never occurred to me that I would be dealing with an imaginary enemy.

Yoda does not use light sabres in the van and other tales from the dark side

2006-01-31T05:04:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I cannot believe that spatter that comes out of my mouth. Dribble, drabble … close your mouth when you eat …. Wa, wa, wa … no it is not alright to pick your bothers nose. You get the picture.

Then sometimes I have to laugh at myself. Not the quiet little snicker that comes from reading something interesting; nope, not for me. It is that gut-wrenching, can't explain why I am laughing through the tears one *insert maniacal grin here* where people look at you on the street and speed call Children's Aid.

I had a moment like that this weekend where I had to put a stop to dangerous behaviour while I drove. The conversation went like this.

Me: Aiden, stop swinging that stick around in the van. You will hit someone.
Aiden: But, I am being Yoda. And it is not a stick. It is a light sabre.
Me: (no hesitation here) Yes, but even Yoda's mommy had a rule about having light sabres in the x-wing. You could puncture the side of the vehicle and send us all careening out of control and the anti-gravity devices would cause total devastation.

Aiden: (Looks around and lowers stick to ground with very concerned look on face).

Less than 2 seconds later…

Me: Keegan, stop swinging that stick around in the van. You will hit someone
Keegan: I, Yoda.

Rinse and repeat cycle. Some of you may ask why I would not just ban sticks in the van. You see, there is a general ban against all beating devices both in the house and in the van however, those sticks - they be wiley. They sneak up on you and jump inside vehicles when you least expect them. Or so I am told.

And rather than swinging my arms around in the van to snatch and confiscate said devices I have found it easier to speak in the language of the natives.

Just to be very clear: I am completely aware that my children will need years of counselling just to recover from the parenting they have been subjected to. And there was not even any alcohol involved. When my kids grow up they will face the question (shown by their belief in the impossible and co-dependence) "So, were your parents alcoholics?" "No, man. I wish they had been. Might have been easier than the suspension of disbelief. You never knew what was going to come at you next."

One Red Paper Clip

2006-01-27T04:33:00.000-08:00

I found this fascinating blog yesterday while I was er... on my break ....

It seems this guy in Montreal decided he wanted a house. But he had no money so he wanted to trade his way to getting the house. This blog simply confirms my theory that all Montrealers are whacked.

So, being young, poor and broke, all he has to start with is "one red paperclip", hence the name. Now, he is appearing on US and Canadian television shows and notes proudly that he has reached the pinacle of seven radio interviews and two television interviews on one day. This guy is now the happy owner of a cube van and is looking for someone to trade up with him. A cube van. From a paperclip.

This is absolutely fascinating and I, for one, hope he ends up with a mansion. Innovation and sloth mixed together? He needs to be rewarded for this!

Fighting Your Canadian Heritage

2006-01-27T04:12:00.000-08:00

So, it stands to reason that all people are different. One would think that having the same experiences in life, coming from the same family, etc. you would be “more” similar to your siblings than say, a perfect stranger. Boy, would that be a mistaken assumption.

My four year old is rebelling against hockey. As a Canadian, and coming from a long line of hockey supporters, I am shocked. I may not understand how to properly call offside (who really does?) but as a family we have attended NHL games, done tournaments and taken part in all the requisite Canadian pass times. We all own sticks, have a net and can be seen playing shinny – road hockey, for the international readers.

I have offered to take my middlest to an Ottawa 67s game this Friday, special time just for him and I watching a hockey game. “No, thanks,” he says. Can we just play x-box instead?

There are enough issues in life that I will have to force compliance: you MUST do your homework, you MUST put your laundry away. I am absolutely, fundamentally NOT forcing a sport on the kid. He complains about going to his skating class and is miserable on the ice.

He needs to learn dexterity though. He is a clumsy kid and has had (minor) problems at school because he hugs too hard (and made a little girl fall down) and today, at reading circle, he fell on a little girl (I pray it was a different one than the recipient of the hug.) Part of it is that girls at that age are pansies; prone to crying fits at the least thing. However, part of that is needing dexterity on Aiden’s side.

Hockey might not help him with learning co-ordination but I am looking for suggestions at this point. Gymnastics? Soccer? Baseball? If he continues to struggle with coordination, match that together with the fact that he sometimes spits when he talks because he has two missing teeth, he is going to have trouble finding friends. I have sired a geek; an academic; I thought I would be more proud!!!

And then there were two!

2006-01-25T05:06:00.000-08:00

Life is all relative.

I can remember having my first child and being stunned at the grocery store when there were no clerks to help carry my groceries to the car. After all, I had a baby with me. Who could be expected to cope with a baby?

I would notice mothers of more than one child and be appalled that sometimes their kids would seem to wander off or that the mothers were not paying attention to the children one hundred percent of the time. I have learned in life that close minded thoughts like this are a little like karma: it is guaranteed that they will come back and bite you in the ass when you least expect it.

Now, as the mother of three boys, trips to the grocery store generally involve at least one child. And I lovingly remember how much more pliable a baby is than a squirming toddler. And when we are out as a group, I can only hope that I can keep the kids corralled (sic?) in one place and not breaking bones someplace. It is a little like Linette Skavo from Desparate Housewives, except that I lost the sexy undergarments somewhere along the line ... er, and the will to try to tame the masses. Three kids can wear you down.

Flashback to this weekend:

I lost a spouse to the Canadian tradition of hockey tournaments. Out of town with the eldest at a hotel (bless their souls) filled with other seven year old hockey players and their dads. It was an exhausting weekend of sitting by the indoor pool and reading a book. An exhausting weekend of rating the abilities of seven year old boys to make farting noises with their underarms. Gratefully, my son was not the winner of this competition.

And my weekend, of just two boys was delightful. We went train riding. Literally.

There is a light rail train in Ottawa called the O Train.
Understand this: it covers a total of about 10 kilometers going from "close to downtown" to "closer to downtown" over a series of five stops. It is not expensive and the total trip is less than 10 minutes, assuming you don't ride back and then repeat the cycle four times.

There are photos coming as soon as I can get the from the laptop to the blog, a seeminging easy thing for most bloggers. Decidely complicated when helped by six additional hands. Anyway, I digress. The challenge that I find with three boys is that there is a six year gap between the youngest and the oldest. The almost eight year old is bored of anything that does not involve 1)friends 2)technology 3) food. Preferably all three at the same time.

BTW - Here is the map of the path taken by the train:

It was an absolute hoot. My four (and three quarters) year old brought a friend and we changed seats at every station. We talked about the tunnels. We checked out the connections between the cars. We went over an "ocean" (who would have thunk that Ottawa had an ocean) and we were pretty sure we spotted a whale. It is amazing how life is seen through the eyes of children. There were people on the train there that take it every day (it is the equivalent of a subway) and never see the wonder that these four year olds were able to see.

And, of course, there were snacks. The one bit of advice that I would give is that jello jigglers are NOT a good train snack, despite the assurances of people under three feet tall.

Voting Assistance

2006-01-19T06:50:00.000-08:00

The challenge with a federal election in Canada is that many people (myself included) simply do not have the time to get informed about the issues. I have been following only the information that is directly related to me and had made up my mind about who I was going to vote for. Then I received this "poll" that apparently places each of the positions of the major parties (though I am not sure that I would call the Bloc a major party) in a questionnaire format. I was stunned by the results.

Naked Olympics

2006-01-18T06:00:00.000-08:00

I have seen one of the wonders of the world. And I think it should be mainstreamed.

You see, my kids have this thing about being naked. Last night was supposed to be swimming night but, it appears, the daycare person indulged child number two and let him make, bake, then eat, two Easy Bake Oven cakes. By the time I got home, he was holding his stomach, would not eat his supper and was making frequent unsuccessful attempts in the washroom. I decided it was not in our best interest to put him in a public pool. And not in the best interest of the other swimmers either.

So, we needed to get some excercise. Er, "we" being the figurative word. After cleaning up from supper, we went upstairs to read and have some quiet time. The clothes, they slip off more quietly than a cheap stripper, I tell ya! Before I knew it, Aiden was sitting beside me in his underwear and Keegan was asking for "elp e. I naked too!"

Well, I am smarter than I look. I am not falling for that naked - NOT POTTY TRAINED - thing again. It was messy enough last time. But I succumbed to the almost naked thing and the running began.

Apparently naked bodies feel good running in the wind. There was jumping on couches (yes, I allow that on the old basement furniture), there were races back and forth and finally there was jumping over each other. All excellent choices for the next Olympics. I think I will submit the idea.

The Endless Forest

2006-01-13T10:34:00.000-08:00

This is totally plageurized from a web site that I visit from time to time. Usually the gaming information is both out of my league and out of my interest but I frequent there to spy on my spouse :-0.

Sometimes, an idea for a game comes along that is so breathtaking, so novel, that it stuns you.

Not necessarily in a good way, mind you.

And so it is with The Endless Forest.

Here's the game description
(from the website: http://www.tale-of-tales.com/TheEndlessForest/):
You are a stag, a male deer. So are the other players. You meet each other in an endless forest on the internet. The setting is idyllic, the atmosphere peaceful. You communicate with one another through sounds and body language.

The Endless Forest is a virtual place where you can play with your friends. There are no goals to achieve or rules to follow. You just steer your deer through the forest and see what happens.

Currently The Endless Forest consists of a forest, a mysterious ruin and as many deer as there are players at any given time. You can play the game anonymously but we encourage you to name your deer so other players can recognize you. Although not goal-oriented, there are several activities that you can engage in. Nothing very demanding or violent. Just fun things to do in a nice environment.

Nothing personal, dudes, but if my friends are pretending to be deer in an online game, I'm getting new friends.

And what are the "activities" that can be "engaged" in? Why, white-knuckle moments like
--Lie down
--Stand up
--Rub a tree
--Hop
--Listen
--Roar
--Sniff

See, this is exactly why I don't want to be a deer.

I know what you're thinking: I made this up. How I wish I had.

Challenges with the Public Education System

2006-01-13T10:11:00.000-08:00

The fact that I think there are huge problems with the current education system are only touched upon briefly here. I hope. In the light of yet another challenge with the school, I found this and absolutely love it. This was written by George Reavis, who was an assistant superintendent of the Cincinnati Public Schools.

Once upon a time the animals decided they must do something heroic to meet the problems of a "new world" so they organized a school. They had adopted an activity curriculum consisting of running, climbing, swimming and flying. To make it easier to administer the curriculum, all the animals took all the subjects.

The duck was excellent in swimming. In fact, better than his instructor. But he made only passing grades in flying and was very poor in running. Since he was slow in running, he had to stay after school and also drop swimming in order to practice running. This was kept up until his webbed feet were badly worn and he was only average in swimming. But average was acceptable in school so nobody worried about that, except the duck.

The rabbit started at the top of the class in running but had a nervous breakdown because of so much makeup work in swimming.

The squirrel was excellent in climbing until he developed frustration in the flying class where his teacher made him start from the ground up instead of the treetop down. He also developed a "charlie horse" from overexertion and then got a C in climbing and D in running.

The eagle was a problem child and was disciplined severely. In the climbing class, he beat all the others to the top of the tree but insisted on using his own way to get there

At the end of the year, an abnormal eel that could swim exceeding well and also run, climb and fly a little had the highest average and was valedictorian.

The prairie dogs stayed out of school and fought the tax levy because the administration would not add digging and burrowing to the curriculum. They apprenticed their children to a badger and later joined the groundhogs and gophers to start a successful private school.

I guess the moral is obvious.

Tic Tac Toe with a Twist

2006-01-13T04:48:00.000-08:00

This is an awesome learning tool for the young ones! I hope I am not alone in the fact that I get stuck playing tic tac toe for hours.

http://www.funbrain.com/cgi-bin/ttt.cgi

Moulding Developing Minds

2006-01-11T05:29:00.000-08:00

My two year old is figuring out the world. He has an excellent vocabulary, though he is sometimes hard to understand. And he now has graduated to having his own thoughts, independent of the conversation at hand.

Driving home last night, with AC/DC playing in the van (a whole other story), he asks me, "Do elephants swim?" It sounded more like "epants wim?" It was out of the blue and extra points should be awarded to the translation expert who manages to deciper a question - in toddler language - that has nothing to do with the current conversation. In his defence, we were coming home from his swimming lessons.

I looked around frantically for that source of all information useless and settled knowlingly on my signigicant other. Yes, he assured me elephants can swim. I pass that information along to a satisfied response. But we were not done there.

"Epants fly?" he asks. No, I explained. Epants ... er ... Elephants do not fly. He has developed this thing when he gets excited: he stutters his "w's"; nothing else. But w-w-w-w-why and w-w-w-w-what are hilarious. I knew it was coming. I was prepared. I braced for it. W-w-w-w-why mommy? So, I intelligently explained the elephants were too heavy to fly.

Only to be quickly shot down by the know-it-all seven year old. Mom, he yells (to be heard over the blaring thrash music) planes are heavier than elephants. All three children look and me and there is the preverbial silence in the van. What will mom say? Rather than talking about the relative distribution of weight over mass and um, THE WINGS, I mention the super powerful engines that planes are equipped with.

Effectively shot down, the seven year old yells to his brother - let's play the opposites game. Elephants don't swim. Elephants fly. Poor, poor youngest brother. At two you have no idea what an opposites are. The poor thing looked at me confused and continued to thrash to the racket - er, music.

Week One Down

2006-01-09T12:22:00.000-08:00

For those of you following the nanny saga, the first (and hardest) week was survived by all.

It is always hard to have someone else looking after your children during the day. Sage advice came to me early on to watch for changes in my children. This could signify problems that you cannot know about not being there.

There are changes in my children and I am not sure how to handle them. My children make their beds in the morning. My children are cleaning up after themselves. They got in trouble for something last week (fighting, I think) and they informed me that Banana had taken away the X-Box for the following day. They did not complain and whine and lament about how unfair life was. They told me: we did not listen and Banana took away the X-Box, matter-of-fact like.

Is she different from me? Yup, a little. But I am not sure that those differences are a bad thing. While I tend to allow my children the time to enjoy their youth and tend to pick up a great deal of their slack, it is a nice relief to have them being responsible for some of their own chores. It is not all about work though. The kids are doing crafts and baking muffins.

And she cleans. In the past, I have spent around four hours every Saturday morning catching up on chores that did not get done during the week. Instead, she vacuumed the upstairs (except my room) while the boys put their laundry away. I got a chance to enjoy my Saturday morning a little more than normal. I think I could get used to this.

Web Developers On Acid

2006-01-06T05:43:00.000-08:00

The Hippo Song

Privacy Protection

2006-01-06T05:27:00.000-08:00

The future is near.
Nothing is safe.
Your identity.
Your personal records.

It's like a bad Tarantino movie. Uh, I mean a good Tarantino movie.

Here's what ordering a pizza in the year 2010 will be like:

http://www.adcritic.com/interactive/view.php?id=5927

Interesting parenting approach

2006-01-05T06:57:00.000-08:00

I have started to hate Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I love the bows and the wrap and the smiles. It is the colds and the flu that seem to go hand-in-hand with this that I find less than heart-warming.

Over the Christmas season, my youngest developed an ear infection. Of course, New Year's Day was when it reared its ugly head and there was not a doctor's office open for miles. So, my husband placed a call to the emerg of the local hospital and explained the situation. We were assured they were not busy yet (it was 6:30 am) so I trotted off with him in tow to get a prescription.

He was darling. Fully medicated and feeling no pain, he read a book in the waiting room, watched a little of the hockey highlights and played with the 1-2 toys they had. When it was our turn, he trotted along beside me (in his PJs to the triage nurse) and stopped dead in his tracks. He can be nervous around strangers. And remember, he is sick. And well, two.

The nurse wanted him up on a chair. He refused so I sat on the chair and pulled him up on my lap. The nurse, in her nursely authority voice informed me: " You know mom, it is actually good for them to say 'no' every once in a while."

A few years back this would have sent me into a tailspin. Was I being too lenient? Would I raise a delinquent because I did not force him to sit in a chair on his own at the Emerg department? Who was I to think that I knew anything about this parenting job?

Having done this before with other children I politely thanked her for her advice and (ok, maybe there was a 'tone' to my response) I informed her that Keegan was not my first little boy and I had dealt with two year olds with ear infections in the past. I was pretty comfortable picking my battles and this was not one that I was going to win. Nor was it really worth it.

Her response, while it sounds snarky, was honestly not. "Oh, so you're an expert," she said. "Three boys?" I quickly told her that I was not a parenting expert, simply a mother who had found the rhythm that worked for each of her children and their lifestyle. That I chose NOT to have a power struggle with a sick two year old.

Her following honesty surprised me: She told me that she too had three kids. Two girls and a boy and that she had had her children young. She wished that she had had the wisdom to pick the fights that are important to win and to let her children win a couple sometimes too. It might mean that they would now be a bigger part of her life.

I have no idea whether I am picking the right issues. I have no idea whether I am too lenient or too strict. I know that my seven year old is a wonderful child, well-behaved and liked by his teachers. My four year old can be a difficult work in progress but I have every faith that by seven or eight, he too will have learned the social graces needed for successful relationships in life. As for the two year old? Bets are still out on that one.

Day One: The Nanny vs. the Four Year Old

2006-01-04T04:46:00.000-08:00

All children have their blessings. Some of them just make those blessings harder to see at the beginning. :-)

Aiden is very strong-willed. Of my three, he is the brave one, having to undergo oxygen masks and hospitals at a very young age. As he explores his environment and his personality develops this strength can show advantages and well, NOT advantages.

I had thought that the youngest child would prove to be the most challenging for a new caregiver. At only two, he is quite attached to my husband and I and certainly not used to be cared for by strangers. According to the sitter though, he was as good as gold yesterday. I could hear the tension in her voice when she spoke about Aiden though.

You see, there is very little in Aiden's life that HE has control over. The middle child of three boys he often gets hand-me-down clothes and toys and plays the same games with the younger siblings of Liam's friends. His reaction to this can be very difficult. He is stubborn, nee obstinate. And will argue the colour of the sky with you until you want to pull our his hair.

If the caregiver suggested going outside, he wanted to stay inside. When the caregiver made chicken wraps for lunch, (which he loves) he refused to eat them. He fought with (and hit) his younger brother repeatedly. Apparently, he sat on the cat, which I have never seen him do. All in all, he was in a mood.

I have offered coping strategies like "maybe Monopoly is not the kind of game that three boys 2 - 7 can play together easily" ... "sure, 2 - 3 hours of xbox is alright over the holidays". That kind of thing.

All in all, they need to find their routine together. The caregiver "banana" needs to learn to negotiate and explain to Aiden, differing greatly from the simply commands that Liam and Keegan will (sometimes) listen to. She will need to learn to see the huge capacity for love and the tenacity of his loyalty. And he will need to learn to cope better with others and learn the social graces that come from bowing down, even though you completely believe the sky to be pink.

I just hope this works out because the other boys seem to really like her.

Showdown at the Salon

2006-01-03T11:22:00.000-08:00

I’m engaged in a showdown. There are many times in life where one needs to muster their strength and rally the troops. And now is that time in my life.

You see, I am a push over for hairstylists that “know” more than me. I have been given hair cuts that look terrible on me with the stylist (not hair dresser for the record) raving at how slick I look. And me handing over $75.

The last time was only a few weeks ago. I had thought I was strong but it seems these people with professional hair stylist credentials are able to brow beat and manipulate me. And, for the record, they are holding scissors while we are discussing the potential of my bone straight hair. Oooohhh…. Jennifer Aniston, I get... Oh, wow, if we could just layer/blunt/stagger cut this and use all the latest techniques ...

I ended up walking out of the salon with my mangled hair blowing in the breeze. For the umpteenth time, my hair is layered. It looks like a rat’s nest. While I requested professional, the stylist kept assuring me that the “just hopped out of bed” look is really sexy. I said I am grateful to finally be making as much as a hooker – not that I wanted to LOOK like a hooker.

It will take me months to grow this out. And I’ll learn ‘em: I will never venture back to that salon. Instead, I will find yet another butcher with scissors who “knows” my hair better than I do. Why is it that I can be strong and professional in so many other areas and I turn into a bowl of jelly in a salon chair. It must be the weapons.

Take a Quiz About Me

2005-12-30T07:00:00.000-08:00

I noticed a quiz on a blog site that I regularly visit and thought it was a "cute" idea (sorry Huw).

However, I was stunned at how difficult it is to think up ten questions about myself that readers of my blog would know the answers to. Me thinks my blog needs more content in the future.

Anyhoooo, here is the link to the quiz. All results are reported directly to me. Yup. You got it. This is a test. And .... go!

Technology and Gadgets

2005-12-30T06:21:00.000-08:00

So despite having worked in the technology industry and having an understanding of packets and IP transmissions, I am technologically challenged. Living with uber geek has helped me feel inferior in my ability to work something as simply as a DVD player. You see, my DVD player has four remotes in order to play a "wide screen, surround sound audio" Mighty Machines "At the Garbage Dump" DVD.

But technology is what excites my significant other so, like in any good relationship, I fake it.

This year for Chrismas, I received an MP3 player. I did not know that I WANTED an MP3 player but, now that I have one, I love it. The challenge here is that my spouse is a controller of technology, even when it does not belong to him. He very nicely loaded all my music on to my MP3 player for me: GreenDay, Evanescence, U2 and Sarah McGlochlin (sic). The trouble is that I listen to dance music (cue the groans). There are a few songs I really like by GreenDay, nothing by Sarah McWhatever and who is Evanescence anyway?

I searched frantically through the playlist (I could figure out how to do that and increase - not decrease - the volume). There was no Eminmen.... there was no Usher ... no fiddy cent .... This MP3 player is broken I assured my spouse. It has been sold to you containing garbage not music! As the one in the house that is NOT the controller of technology though, I have no idea how to take off the garbage and re-load music. I hate being dependent on anyone. Especially for something as simple as music choices.

I will master this MP3 player and make it mine! Waa haa haa. Now, how exactly do I turn the music down, honey????

A Canadian Childhood

2005-12-30T06:03:00.000-08:00

I wish I had had pictures of this.

There is something very distinct about childhood in Canada. In the winter it is synonymous with skating, hockey, snowball fights and snowmen. It seems a shame for those further south to miss out on what seems a vital part of being a kid to me.

This winter my eldest is playing hockey on an organized hockey team. So is everyone of his friends. In addition, because hockey twice a week is simply not enough, almost every day after school he drags his net across the park to his friend's street. His friend also has a hockey net. They will happily play road hockey for hours with their respective younger brothers.

For Christmas, nestled gently among the MP3 players and X-Boxes, was a set of goalie pad gear: pads, face mask, goalie stick, etc. Now, for the record, this is the THIRD set of road hockey goalie pads in our house but this set was black and red: the colours of the Ottawa Senators. Funny enough, Liam's cohort in crime also got goalie gear for Christas (but in the Toronto Maple Leafs colours, poor sot).

Hang in there. I really am getting somewhere with this.

A couple of nights ago there was freezing rain in Ottawa. It layered the park with a beautiful sheen of glimmering ice. Very slippery ice. But, hockey does not stop for freezing rain, man! Liam straps on his hockey pads and helmet, snow pants, gloves, etc. and ventures across the park carrying his hockey net. My significant other calls me hysterically laughing. You see, he got about ten steps and slipped on the ice. The net falling on top of him and getting caught in his helmet. Rather than running out to help, my loving spouse chose to laugh.

Liam's friend, also seven and completely loaded in goalie gear ventured out to help him. Also falling all over the place on the ice. The final time, he had fallen on his back and could not get back to a stand because of the bulky goalie pads. Again, my SO offers zero help but by this time he is laughing so hard that incontinence is a problem.

Finally, the two boys get over to the other side of the park, nets and all. It is at that point they realize they have two goalies, two nets and no players. You see, the four year olds have gone on a hockey strike until they TOO can be goalies. So he and his buddy settled on the side of the road, goalie gear, nets and all, to play tamagatchis instead.

Ah, a Canadian winter.

What Movie Am I?

2005-12-23T16:41:00.000-08:00

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

My Logic is Below Average and Other Tales

2005-12-20T08:21:00.000-08:00

Your IQ Is 115

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average

Your Verbal Intelligence is Exceptional

Your Mathematical Intelligence is Above Average

Your General Knowledge is Above Average

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

The Riot Act

2005-12-20T04:49:00.000-08:00

Todd and I are mean parents. Mean, mean, mean.

You see, our house is unlivable these days. We are all busy and under a great deal of stress preparing for the Christmas Season but, apparently, none of our three children are capable of playing independently, even for five minutes, without chaos erupting.

Now, I am sure you think I am exagerating. I assure you I am not. I have timed them while trying to clean up the kitchen after a meal. The two youngest cannot play with their toys for more than two minutes without a fight erupting. And they are the ones that get along. When you bring in the eldest, there is no limit to the nasty exchanges.

So, contrary to my husband's soft spot parenting, mean mom came in. When I arrived home my spouse had lost it. Completely. All three boys had been sent to their rooms. And there was wailing and nashing of teeth. So, I took away a Christmas present.

For the record, this was not a surprise. I too, had lost it over the weekend and sat down for a heart-to-heart. The boys are given ample warnings but, when they do not listen, I will take away a present. Grandmaman, I know this will kill you to hear but the situation has really gotten to this point. So far, Aiden has lost two presents and Liam has lost one.

They do have the opportunity to earn them back with good behaviour. When they are "caught" being kind to each other or helping out they can earn back a present that they have lost.

I have no idea if this system is going to work and how I will manage this after Christmas but it seemed to work last night. I can home to an unhappy house filled with chaos and aggression. At bedtime last night, the boys helped each other get ready for bed. Without being asked. Without fights. The only trouble that I see is taht they were looking over their shoulders to make sure there were witnessed. I can only hope that the behaviour becomes internalized at some point.

Either that or I am giving them away to a farm. And not a nice one.

How MisCommunication Happens

2005-12-20T04:48:00.000-08:00

Even the best relationship based on honest, open communication has its ups and downs. It is frequent, nee constant, that I think I communicate clearly and the result is a slightly stupefied look on my spouse’s face. A stupefied look that I can even see through email.

Today, in an email thread discussing our plans for New Year’s Eve, we were throwing around the idea of heading to a friend’s house party. In working the idea back and forth, I put in a note that one of my clients (Corrections Canada) has asked if I can drive to Kingston (about 2 hours away) to visit a correctional facility. Then the conversation moved back to New Year’s.

I came back to my email an hour later from my spouse. Under the heading New Year’s Eve, it said: Where something sexy. It might be a nice treat for the boys who have not seen a girl in a long long time.

To which I asked more about the nature of the New Year’s Eve party and what exactly was planned…

Quitting before you even start

2005-12-13T17:15:00.000-08:00

So, some of you faithful readers :-) know that I have been looking for a caregiver. We have gone through multiple routes and finally decided on a woman coming into our home. We have completed police checks, reference checks and gone through an agency. While no-one can predict the future, she looks like a good fit for our family. Her nickname is even "banana" shamelessly unprofessional UNLESS you are a nanny.

So today was to be her first day. She was supposed to start at 7:30 am and shadow my current caregiver to get an understanding of school times, bus times, preferences, etc. And that is how the story begins.

I work early, you see. This morning, I had left the house by 6:10 and was given the responsibility of calling at 7 am to wake the house up. I was busy and did not get to the call until 6:20, when I got the voicemail. It seems that "banana" arrived early for her first day. Very keen. Unless your spouse (who I might add is 6'1'' and a big guy) thinks it is your sister and runs down the stairs to the door wearing his wife's fuzzy purple robe. Short, fuzzy, purple robe.

But wait, there's more.

My darling sister, who is my current caregiver, had another morning with car problems. While she is supposed to arrive at 7:30, I spoke to her at 7:25 and told her to get in a taxi pronto, since her car had not started. I now have a strange (and probably nervous) woman in my house with no-one else awake and a naked husband.

So, my new caregiver - I will call her that since she has not yet given me notice - had to jump in with two feet today. The look on her face when I got home said it all.

I am calling another agency now, just in case. And I think I will enter "sense of humour" as a necessary dominant trait.

Election Platforms

2005-12-07T04:07:00.000-08:00

So, as the Canadian readers know, Canada is "in the throes" of a federal election. There was a vote of non-confidence over some miniscule thing that no Canadian really cares about however, it toppled the Liberal government, allowing the rest of us to spend our holiday time listening to the garbage each side will throw at each other.

Or is it?

This week we learned that this election will be based on something unthinkable: daycare and support for parents. So, I says PARDON??? That is completely interesting to me. Talk more, I encourage the newspaper.

All three of the potential parties have differing platforms:

The Liberals will throw more money at the problem and allow a decrepid, federally supported daycare system to create spots for more children. This is a great solution for parents living under the poverty line. Now, they will only have to wait 6 months for subsidized daycare, living from welfare cheque to welfare cheque because they cannot afford to pay a sitter.

The Conservatives have decided *until they get into power* that stay at home mothers need a break sometimes too. And in fact, even the middle class finds it difficult to pay $2000 a month in care for their children. They have offered the voting massess $100 a month for each child in the family under 6. Currently, there is no talk of income qualification and no details on what the family should do with the money. It is their assurance that they understand it is expensive to raise children and sometimes you will need daycare.

The Democrats ... well, who really cares what their platform is? They have no chance of getting into power and if they did the deficit would balloon to mammoth proportions in their term, crippling the Canadian economy for generations. Wait...?

The chances of the Conservatives getting into power are pretty slim but, if that is to be the election platform of choice I will be ringleading as many people as possible to vote for the one that makes my life easier. When you tack that together with a 2 percent reduction in the GST, I am on board. Nah, it won't happen until my kids are 6, 8 and 11. I just know it!

O, Santa Claus

2005-12-06T06:33:00.000-08:00

My middlest has written a note a note to Santa. Rather than a long, lengthy explanation he has chosen the efficient route: he wants a train for his Thomas the Train set and he wants a Terrain Twister.

This would seem simple for most parents. The child has set reasonable expectations and is not greedy by any stretch. The trouble is not with the train set - both my father and my father in law have "purchased" trains for him for Christmas. My trouble is with the Terrain Twister. It is $80 at Toys R Us and, more importantly, is completely lame.

He will play with it for a day and never look at it again. It is a ball that turns into a car and runs over things; then turns back into a car. It is no better than a 97 cent Hot Wheels car stuck inside a tennis ball. I can make that for under $2 and it will have the same play value. It is the one thing that he has consistently requested though and there are concerns in the household (read, not by me) that he will be disappointed on Christmas Day.

In my opinion, he will open up his multitude of trains, match that with the x-box from Santa and this Terrain Twister will never rear its ugly head again. However, I defer to the uber MIL and have directed the letter to Santa to his alternate address in SouthWestern Ontario. Sorry grandmaman. I have no idea how to respond to this one and am tossing the ball over to the more experienced player :-). It will be interesting to see how "Santa" responds.

Be Careful What You Wish For

2005-12-04T17:39:00.000-08:00

I always wanted to have one of those houses where the kids congregated. I grew up with a friend whose house always had a fridge packed with food and whose couch was always comfortable for the *then* stylish Nintendo64. We all met there to go out places. Half the time we never made it out the door. We just stayed where we were comfortable. And, because his mom never interfered but never seemed too far away, we were never able to get into too much trouble.

I want(ed) that for my kids. Be careful what you wish for though, cause sometimes you get it. Friday night there were seven kids at my place watching a movie. For the record, I only have three. So I did what Nick's mom would have done. I ordered pizza and became the short order cook for drinks and snacks, and the referee for when things did not go right.

As my spouse was out enjoying a night of Christmas shopping, it was a hectic night of keeping everyone's stomachs full, minds challeged, and,for one, their bottoms dry. And I rolled along with that.

Saturday was no different. The doorbell rings constantly. And now, the kids just show up. They don't need to call. They know, if we are home, they are welcome. Sunday, saw an additional two kids playing in the backyard then warming up inside with the Nintendo. And more snacks.

What I never realized with Nick's mom was that she HAD to work. They could not have afforded all the groceries on just one salary. :-)

I Did It

2005-12-01T05:36:00.000-08:00

I have finally made it to the stage in my career where I am paid more for my brain than a common prostitute makes for a day of sex.  Sad comments on society in my opinion however, supply and demand apparently drives this silly economy and as long as there is demand, there is usually someone willing to supply.

I have done the dance between the private sector and the feds for as long as I can remember.  I like the money and the freedom of the private sector but the job stability and benefits of the feds.  I am hoping that I have found a compromise.

On November 28th, I left employment in the federal service and began consulting.  Same job, same responsibilities, more money.  Since I had contacts in place, I already have three federal clients with two more in the wings.  Three at a time would be the maximum that I can juggle successfully and will be more than enough to pay the bills.

It is a risk, I understand.  And I am not a risk taker.  In the past I have been known to make all the sensible choices and take the road that looks the most solid.  This has done me well and frankly, this consultancy path is also looking quite solid.  When you have the contacts in place anything is possible.  And the money....oh, the money!

The challenging side is that I am not a vacation taker.  I am a worker. With a regular job, you look forward to your 3 weeks holidays; you use up a reasonable amount of your sick leave; and you take days off here and there for family commitments.  As a consultant, when I don't work, I don't get paid.

The per diems of consulting are supposed to allow you to store up a bit of cash and take the time off when you need it.  But commitments to clients and the drive to please make taking those days off difficult, entitled or not I feel like I am letting people down.  It will be something to balance and no doubt my spouse will strive to keep me in check.

There is something to be said for the freedom and the - get in, get out - philosophy.  I think it will play well into my ADHD, always looking for the next thrill philosophy.  It is an exciting path with the opportunity to meet new people and learn new skills along the way.
There's always the feds as a back up as well, I suppose.

I had an accident

2005-11-30T04:09:00.000-08:00

I got called to the school on Monday afternoon. Luckily I was already driving home (3:10) and more than half way there. It seems my 7 year old had an accident at school. By "accident" they did not mean falling in the playground. Ahem.

So, I was a little concerned. It has been 3-4 years since he has had an accident. I was wondering if he was ill or if something was going on that I was not aware of.

When I got to the school, my eldest was waiting in the vestibule at the front door. He was noticably wet and uncomfortable.

It seems the downside of the portable is showing its ugly self: the rule is that kids must travel to the washroom in pairs (very good) and that only two kids are allowed out at any given time (completely understandable). Two kids had left quite a while ago and were not quick in hurrying back to the class (yep, I get that too) and my son had to go. Had to go bad.

When it was his turn, he made it out the door but never made it all the way to the washroom. He felt terrible. No doubt the teacher felt pretty bad as well. I decided not to pursue the issue with the school but I cannot imagine being told that I am not allowed to go to the washroom. Sigh.

How many more years of this is there?

Canada's Blues Awards

2005-11-23T04:07:00.000-08:00

I come from a family remarkably talented in music. How it missed me and left me puttering around trying to see and keep a beat is one of those things that has bothered me for years. However, showing how gracious I can be, I would like to request that each of my 14 readers vote for my uncle as the best Toronto, then Canadian, drummer.

He plays for the Downchild Blues Band and has for years. Any of you die-hard blues lovers will know the band. If not, vote anyway. :-)

Vote for MIKE FITZPATRICK

as Canada`s blues drummer of the year

How?

Go to www.mapleblues.ca

Go to: Register to vote

Sick, sick, sick

2005-11-21T09:27:00.000-08:00

Optomitrist Joke

2005-11-21T04:30:00.000-08:00

So, in being 'on loan' to another federal department and knowing that this is short-term the other department is not exactly motivated to create an ergonaumical work station for me. They have thrown together a PC and a monitor. Unfortunately, the monitor is so large that it takes up the whole desk top and while I work it is about 8 inches from my face.

Not surprisingly, six weeks in, my eyes are starting to pay the price: I am struggling to drive at night, my distance vision is challenged and - the worst of all - I have developed this little eye twitch in my left eye. Not noticable by others but completely disctracting to me. And it seems constant.

So, I book an appointment with the optomitrist to discuss the situation, my mind working miles an hour about all the bad things that can cause an eye twitch. The Doctor is just what you expect: a small, quiet middle eastern man who is very unimposing.

I discuss the situation, asking him gravely if I should be talking with a neurologist. *Stop laughing here Jon* He checks out my eyes and tells me that I need to get more sleep (cue laugh track here), stop drinking coffee (simply an impossibility) and reduce my stress (ROFL).

Then he offers me one more trick when the twitch starts: roll up a tiny bit of tissue and place it on your eyelid.

So, later that day, in the car with my large Timmy's, going on 5 hours of sleep with all the kids screaming, my eye starts to twitch. I figure I will try his trick so I roll up a little piece from the only clean tissue I can find and try to place it on my eyelid with no success. See, gravity works on eyelids as well.

But, I am the master of my universe: I can beat this silly thing they call gravity. I tilt my head back, swatting blindly at the child in the back who is touching the other child's car seat. I place the tissue on my left eyelid and wait.

Then I realize: this is the idea of an optomitrist's joke. I can hear the conversation around the dinner table now: So.... so ... then I tell her (snort, giggle) to roll up a tiny piece of tissue and she is listening to me like I am dispensing the word of God, see ..... and she buys it. She really believes that this piece of kleenex is going to fix the problem of sleep deprivation, caffeine high, stress ... man, some people will believe anything.

Ahem, Announcing ...

2005-11-18T10:00:00.000-08:00

My SO has recently joined the ranks of the bloggers.

While it is not specifically parenting - ok, so little of it is parenting - you get insight on chips and stuff... way out of my league.

http://realityvillusion.blogspot.com/

Ghost Post by the Significant Other

2005-11-16T11:07:00.000-08:00

Chicken Soup for the Father's Soul

I beat my children last night and it felt really, really good. I even managed to lay down a few on my wife. That felt even better.

I was merciless, they begged me stop, they pleaded with me to stop, but I kept up my relentless assault. I hit their heads, their chests, their stomachs and legs. At one point I even knocked the legs out from under my eldest and dropped him to the floor, following with a huge blow to his abdomen. Age gave no mercy. I attacked the 7 year old as much as the 2 year old.

I am not sure how the pillows made out though. Man, did it feel so good to get into a full-fledged pillow fight with all three boys. I whacked a lot of pent up aggression out on them. An hour later the boys were sweaty, mostly naked (apparently pillow fighting must be done in your underwear) and exhausted. I was feeling pretty good myself. *editor's note - the father resisted the insistent pleas that he also get down to his skivvies*

For future reference if your kids are frustrating you ... disguise a good beating as a pillow fight: it is great for your soul.

Avian Flu Pandemic Warning

2005-11-16T11:06:00.000-08:00

The Center for Disease Control has released a list of symptoms of bird flu. If you experience any of the following, please seek medical treatment immediately:

1. High fever
2. Congestion
3. Nausea
4. Fatigue
5. Aching in the joints
6. An irresistible urge to shit on someone's windshield.

Sexy, sexy, sexy

2005-11-16T04:19:00.000-08:00

OK, mom. You SHOULD NOT READ THIS POST.

I had an experience a couple of nights ago. It was an epipheny of sorts. You see, like all 'girls' I have gone through stages of finding different kinds of men sexy. I did the high school cheerleader thing where I dated only those 'big and dumb'. For a while there, I think my choice in men was limited to jerks. Then I decided that intellectual was what suited me.

Now, I have thrown away all - er, most - of the physical characterisitics. I don't care about blonde vs. brunette, or hair at all :-). Just stick a baby bottle in your back pocket and you will have to fight me off. You all know the photo that I am talking about.

There is something about a man with the ability to show a tender side that is SO sexy. It must be part of the genetic code for procreation. The dominant alpha male not only hunts for food (ok, works in a a bank), protects the family (knows how to lock a door at night) but he also must show that Brad Pitt taking a kid for a ride on a motor bike side. Sheesh, there are a lot of expectations on being a man.

While women look for football players in our teens, once we move out of that stage a man's ability to show compassion becomes paramount. Though, I suppose the ability to throw the skin a bit is not a bad thing either. Wonder if that can be done with a snuggly and a baby bottle tucked in your back pocket?

Jen, I know you agree with me on this one...

Fashionable and Will Keep You Warm During the Winter

2005-11-15T11:41:00.000-08:00

Nov. 14, 2005— For the woman who wants to stay both warm and environmentally conscious this winter — and isn't bothered by extra bulk under her shirt — a lingerie maker Wednesday unveiled a thick bra that can be heated in a microwave.

Triumph International modeled the bra in Japan which has launched a "Warm Biz" campaign urging people to bundle up to save on heating.

The bra pads are filled with an eco-friendly, reusable gel that can be heated up in a microwave or with hot water. For good measure, a pendant of a hot pepper dangles from the front.

But the bra isn't for those favoring understated attire. A long strap flows down from the back, which is meant to be wrapped around like a boa to keep one's neck warm.

"We hope this will not only help prevent global warming but also provide a little fashion chic to the office," Triumph's Japan branch said in a statement.

But for the time being, the bra, which comes with matching shorts, won't be in stores, though the lingerie maker will use the technology to develop other warm clothing.

Japan, the land of the Kyoto Protocol, is encouraging people to set their heating at no more than 20 degrees Celsius (68 Fahrenheit) this winter to save energy.

It follows a "Cool Biz" casual-dress campaign promoted by Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi, who eschewed his tie for most of the summer, to reduce air-conditioner use and therefore greenhouse gas emissions. The drive is estimated to have saved enough energy to supply 240,000 households for a month.

Who's on the Phone?

2005-11-14T05:40:00.000-08:00

So, not that many years back I can remember mocking my in laws. You don’t have to worry about me throwing insults here - the whole family was in on it and it was usually to their faces.

See, his hearing had faded a little bit and, well, she was a bit distracted. It seemed that they were regularly misinterpreting what the other had said. And man, the funny places that can lead you. They were mocked regularly for telling each other the phone was for them when the phone had not even rung.

On the weekend, I approached that mocking stage. We, in our wisdom, and between hockey, skating, playgroup and gymnastics took the enfants out rollerblading. Halfway down the path and going at mach five I decide NOW was the appropriate time to start a conversation with my spouse. It went something like this.

Me: My knees feel like jelly.

Spouse: WHAT?

Me: My knees feel like jelly.

Spouse: coming to a full stop and looking at me with daggers. Do you really think that now is an appropriate time to tell me that your needs are not being fulfilled?

Me: laughing so hard I fall flat on my butt, pulling down a four (and three quarters) year old and tipping a stroller.

We All Have our Crosses to Bear

2005-11-10T11:35:00.000-08:00

It seems that in life we are all given little challenges: for some it is physical challenges that they are forced to overcome; some carry emotional crosses and some are just not born with the mental prowess of the rest of us. Ahem…

I have carried my cross in life quietly where possible. Hiding my crutch with shame and surrounding myself with people that are stronger in the area of my weakness than I. Sometimes that just seems to make my weakness more pronounced.

Let’s face it. I am directionally challenged.

I have now lived in the same city for 15 years and I still take the familiar routes home. As frequently as 3 – 4 times a year I have had to call my spouse and shameful admit that I have no idea where I am and need directions on the best way home.

Now, for those of you who know me, I am also fiercely independent and proud. I will NOT admit to being lost. Being lost is something that happens to unintelligent people. Not for me. Out of pride I opt to simply take familiar routes – even though they are 15 minutes longer that a direct route. I drive straight in a line until I find a familiar road. And I use maps. Even of familiar cities.

‘fess up all you people out there. I cannot be the only person in the world with a weakness.

It's Snowing

2005-11-10T10:18:00.000-08:00

It is a very Canadian thing about me that I get excited when it snows. Nothing is more fun than those big flakes of white on your tongue! It is not snowing hard enough to have any accumulation but the kids will have a blast at recess today watching the snow!

Is Happiness Elusive?

2005-11-10T04:43:00.000-08:00

I just read a blog comment from a woman that I respect a great deal. She noted that – and here I bring in the quotes, “Happiness is elusive. Reach for it and it vanishes. But then when you are looking away it can surround you and fill every pore of your soul like a warm bath.”

Hmmm….

Those are wonderful words of peace and tranquility and especially soothing for a soul that is constantly striving for the next best thing. Do they ring true? Yes, I believe so. Many of us spend our lives wondering what is around the corner and thinking that we would be happy if only …. If only we had a new car; if only we lost 10 pounds (ok, 30); if only I could get this specific job; and for some people, if only they had children.

This is not a ticket out of trying to reach your dreams. At your core there are things in life that you just know you need to achieve. It could be as complex as education, as physically challenging as skydiving or as long-term as having children. Whatever you dream, you should dedicate yourself to achieving this.

But you should understand that simply achieving the goal is not what will make you happy in life. It is enjoying the path along the way. And learning and growing and interacting with others while you do that.

And the champagne when you are able to grasp that brass ring!

Liar, liar, pants on fire

2005-11-09T04:50:00.000-08:00

It is a fact of life that adults lie. Sometimes lies that have impact but most of the time it is just little things like status or salary. As adults engaged in a conversation we are usually aware of these little stretches in what people say and accommodate for it, finding the reality someone in the middle.

Kids on the other hand, have not learned things like social graces. They do, however, understand the desire to meet the expectations of another person, getting praise as a result. Some kids will even lie to get that praise. Not mine, of course.

When does it become socially acceptable to lie? We find other words for it as adults - exagerating or stretching the truth, little white lies or telling a half-truth to avoid hurting someone's feelings. All in all it is lying and it must confuse the heck out of a child trying to learn social structures. Poor things, they really don't stand a chance of being normal, do they?

Public Service Announcement

2005-11-03T04:36:00.000-08:00

While some would argue that I should have come to this conclusion years ago, I would like to announce that I am officially done. It is over. Not even a glimmer.

Last night, I went to the hospital to visit a girlfriend who just had her first child. I have three children and, at times, struggle to cope to keep up with the chaos. Yet, somewhere in my head I never wanted to believe that the baby stage of my life was over. I was not seriously considering four – that would be insane – but I was not ready to accept that I would never feel the kicks of a growing child inside me again.

Until last night.

The baby was cute. Only two days old and angelic looking. I held him for the whole time that I was there and felt the inner peace that comes with such trust. And I sensed the anxiety of the mother – would he EVER nurse well? Will I make the right choices? How will this affect our lives?

And I realized, I have been there. I did not feel the pull to take this little guy home (cute as he was) and make him mine. While I loved the nursing bond and nothing is better than snuggling with a sleeping little sausage baby (they all look like sausages at that age), I am done and am content to sleep with other people’s sausages .

I have moved on to the stage where the children can interact – God save me – and have their own opinions and are capable of compassion for others. While I would love to be able to freeze my life right now and have none of us grow older, that is not a possibility and I am content to simply watch them bloom.

Public Service Announcement is complete.

My spouse can breathe again.

No Parenting Information Here

2005-11-02T05:35:00.000-08:00

Move along if you are looking for any details about my personal life today. There is nothing to see here. I am completely focussed on work this morning.

You see, I have a meeting with one nasty individual. And they usually bring friends for these kinds of meetings.

While my responsibilities for federal government departments have evolved over the years, at this point my role is policy direction for the Charter of Human Rights and Freedoms and the Access to Information and Privacy Acts. These legislations are fundamental influences in the Canadian federal government and their interaction with citizens.

Some people take them a little too far. This morning I am meeting with two local lawyers who have decided to take a position against the department that I work for. This ‘negotiation’ faze will be an exercise in futility as all my attempts (with my ever-so-dazzling personality) to engage these individuals in meaningful conversation have deteriorated to abuse.

Being retired members of the military, with law degrees, these individuals are the ultimate disaster for a consensus builder. I am at the stage now of wondering when I am within my own rights to walk away. Every time the conversation moves from facilitating to personal: I have been accused of hiding information, refusing to comply with the law and the ultimate for me - “had I been more experienced I would not have come to that conclusion.”

To date, I have held my tongue. I am sure that responding to personal slander in this case would only escalate the problem and I am trying to address the issues. Honestly, their challenge is that I am using all the tools in my scope: I have obtained legal advice, consulted multiple other departments and the government of Canada watchdog agencies. I, and the Department that I represent, are working within the scope of our legislations.

At some point I just want to climb up on my chair and start the two year old chant: liar, liar, pants on fire. And I thought that this post would not deteriorate to child rearing. Maybe these meetings will be just like it is at home!

cute comment

2005-11-01T03:57:00.000-08:00

Religion, politics and money

2005-10-28T04:26:00.000-07:00

I was always told to avoid discussions on these subjects but, well, I was never one for advice.

My children attend a Catholic School. Not a private Christian school. In Canada there are two active school boards - the public and the Catholic school board. Both are equally funded by tax dollars.

My husband and I grew up Catholic, attending Catholic schools and following general Catholic practises. It was no surprise when we chose to baptize our kids. Having said that, neither of us has attended the Catholic Church regularly since well, our parents stopped forcing us some time in high school. In fact, over the last few years, we have drifted towards a local Southern Baptist Church as we like the community values and the people share our commitment to children. And the music rocks. None of the ritualistic stand up, sit down that the Catholic masses are so famous for.

Even our attendance at that Church has waned since balancing the needs of three kids has taken priority. But, my kids receive Christian values at home and attend the requisit Christian camps during the summer time. They know the odd bible story and have heard of the concept of praying.

This year my eldest is being asked to 'pony up' to his commitment to the Church, first expressed through baptism. He is taking his sacraments of reconciliation (first confession), first communion and confirmation all during the same year. And he is asking some difficult questions about things like original sin, the creation of the world and the kicker - 'who is our pastor? '

Errr....

I started the unavoidable conversation with, ' Well different people believe different things and these rituals are important despite ...' I expected the lightening bolt from the sky as I started this speech. I did not expect that lightening bolt to come from my spouse. He is more cynical of organized religion than I am. However, he is concerned that by telling him that we don't necessarily believe that Adam and Eve were the first people on the earth and that it might be true that the Noah's Ark is really just an analogy for something.

My spouse is worried that by telling our son that we don't necessarily believe in all of the teachings of the Church that we will somehow take away from his joy in experiencing the sacraments.

I am more worried about how you tear down the story of Moses bringing the ten commandments down from the mountain on stone tablets, without losing credibility in your belief that what was contained on those tablets are words to live by.

And there is the ultimate confusion of his first time attending a Catholic mass since he was baptized. And I thought telling him about Santa Claus was going to be hard.

Rhetorical Question

2005-10-27T09:22:00.000-07:00

So I know this family whose father-figure delights in all things technical and gadgety. They even have a speech-enabled television controller that the wife and children have never managed to figure out. No matter how many times the mother talks, cajoles, yells 'the weather network' she gets porn. They do not own but are considering an independent vacuum cleaning system that wanders around the floor, unaided by humans, sucking up things like cat hair all day long. You get the idea.

Here is the dilemma. This family, rhetorically speaking, is considering an x-box 360 for Christmas from Santa. Scratch that – at a total of $600 Cdn. the wife is not considering this in any way but the father has already put a pre-order down payment on it.

The kids are young in said rhetorical family: seven, four and two. In the mothers lowly opinion spending that kind of money on a gift for children that rivets them to the television for hours is not only a waste of money but irresponsible as a parent. The father figure feels differently.

I think the father figure – if he were to exist in the non-rhetorical world – wants the x-box for himself and is going to have a canary if the youngest of the group picks up the electronic idiot box and drops it once or twice, as two year olds are prone to do.

Any thoughts out there?

The Value of Cousins

2005-10-26T04:18:00.000-07:00

I grew up in a large family. Irish. Catholic. You get the picture. When I was three my parents separated and my mother and I moved in with my grandmother. Err.... grandmother and two uncles. I was raised by my mother and extended family until I was nine and I have some of the best memories of my life from those days.

There were cousins from my mother's seven brothers and sisters always around. Visitors dropped by unexpectedly almost on a daily basis. It was a hive of activity and despite losing touch with some of my cousins, I still cherish the times we spent together and have no doubt that we would be there for each other in a pinch.

And so, family has always been important to me. In my eyes, they are the ones that bail you out when you are down so low that you just cannot get back up on your own.

My significant other has different ideas. While close to his immediate family, we have lived in Ottawa for 14 years and, for the last seven, only spoken to his aunt, uncle and two cousins resident here, at family functions located elsewhere.

I was delighted when this weekend, one of my spouse's sisters decided to come for a visit from London. Braving the six hour drive, the cousins - ranging from two to seven - got the chance to spend some good times together. It was the best kind of chaos. The kind that involves painting and running and jumping and yelling and well, the occassionaly punch thrown.

Many days I wish that the world had not expanded so far, allowing families to be spread across geographies. From my spouse's perspective it will make the kids stronger learning not to lean on family. From mine, you miss the unconditional love - shown through the occassional thrown punch :-) - and the bonds that blood can bring.

Soon, driving the six hours will seem easier. Once we can get the youngest to zone on the portable TV.

Christmas Lists

2005-10-26T04:09:00.000-07:00

And so it begins.

In some countries, preparation for Christmas starts once Hallowe'en or Thanksgiving is over. In Canada, preparation is marked by the delivery of the Sears Christmas Wish Book. For reasons that I won't go into, Sears has deemed it necessary for us to pick UP a copy, rather than the home delivery enjoyed by so many others but I digress.

About two weeks ago we got our books (not one but three to avoid fights). The boys reviewed each page of the special 'Toys' edition with care, ensuring no pictures of toys were creased in the process. And then the lists started.

My eldest has informed me that he will be thoughtful this year, only asking that Santa bring him 10 presents. He has culled the list down, deciding that the remainder of things will have to come from grandparents, parents and brothers. He was even so generous as to 'spend' one of his presents on an extra controller for the X-Box so that his friends (READ - NOT BROTHERS) will be able to play with him when they come over.

Aiden is trying hard to keep up with his brother's drive. He can think of a couple of things but doesn't yet get the writing to Santa concept. People - it IS only October.

And then there is Keegan. Doomed to a life of hopping up and down yelling, "Me too, me too", he doesn't get the concept of Christmas or Santa but he knows that he wants a piece of the action. He has picked out EVERY dump truck, garbage truck and tractor from the book. This is despite the fact that he already owns all of them.

This year we are playing things quiet at Christmas. We have been famous for our 4 city over 8 days Christmas tours and last year was one that I will never want to repeat. This year we are staying at home. It will be quiet. Except for all the trucks crashing together.

The Best Advice Ever

2005-10-21T04:26:00.000-07:00

People are full of advice: good advice, bad advice, etc. But there are times in ones life where a nugget of wisdom is passed down that so contributes to your life that you can't forget it.

Years ago I had a friend - let's call him sugar daddy :-) who took a special interest in my career and life in general. We would meet for suppers and outings and he actually got me my first job with the federal government using his connections.

One of the last times that we got together I was struggling with time. I was balancing a full time job and volunteer work that he had nominated me for. And he wanted to go for a long leisurely supper and talk about the world. I just wanted to go home and catch up on my deliverables.

Sensing my stress (really, I flat out told him) he offered me some sage advice. Whereever you are in business: be there. If you are in a meeting, block out your other stresses and obligations and focus on that meeting. If you are at home, BE at home. You will not be successful if you are not engaged.

Over the years I have found creative ways of staying half true to this idea. In some cases I have fallen completely off the bandwagon but, for the most part this bit of advice has helped me to impress others with my committment despite turmoil in other areas of my life. It is the piece of advice that I cherish the most in life despite the fact that my sugar daddy has disappeared.

For me it has become a mantra. Along with don't slow down cause the ride keeps going.

How Company Policies are Developed

2005-10-19T08:48:00.000-07:00

I completely pilfered this from another blog that I love to visit:

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water.

After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked.

Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana. Why not? Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done around here.

And that, my friends, is how a company policy begins.

Yvonne 1, Bear 0

2005-10-17T05:21:00.000-07:00

Mom - you do NOT want to read this post. For the rest of you, it will be a great laugh!

So, a few years back my father owned a cottage in Gravenhurst, North of Toronto. It was a beautiful place and my significant other and I would travel from Ottawa for the occassional weekend. As it is North of Toronto, we would drive across Highway 60 through Algonquin Park.

The last time that I drove it was on my own and I came head-to-head with a moose. He was far enough away that I had ample time to stop but he was literally in the middle of the road. As I pulled around him, he charged the car and I stepped on the gas. Hard. I was a little shaken but absolutely fine.

This weekend I had a wedding to attend. For personal reasons, I was attending this wedding on my own and driving through Algonquin Park again. As is my personality, I write off fear to being irrational, bury it and keep going. There was absolutely no way I was going to meet up with a deer again. And I was right.

However ...

On the other side of the park, doing my victory lap I am only 15 minutes away from the hotel. I was driving by a precipice (big word for cliff) and a black bear jumped down and in front of my vehicle. I did not have the grace of ample time this time. I hit him. Hard.

The whole thing happened so quickly that I did not even have the benefit of being able to think. Surprisingly, I took my hands off the steering wheel and my foot off the gas. I didn't even attempt to stop at the impact point. A second or so later I stopped and (I believe for some reason unknown to me) I turned the vehicle off. Then I heard the screeching of tires.

The car behind me also did not realize what had happened. They managed to pull into the ditch and around my vehicle AND KEPT GOING. I realized that I needed to get over to the side of the road so I pulled over. I could not see how badly my vehicle was damaged but I could see that the bear was on the side of the road still alive. Three vehicles passed and despite my honking my horn none of them stopped.

I figured I had better drive to civilization rather than staying with an injured - and just a little ticked - black bear. I tried to shift gears and realized I was shaking too badly to get anywhere safely. At that point a van pulled up beside me and told me that he lived a few yards back and had heard the impact. Once I assured him that I was fine, he told me to stay in the vehicle that he had both a gun and a bow in his van. He pulled up on the other side of the road. For the rest of the story he will be known as the hunter because I never did ask him his name.

It was here that I lost it. I guess my psyche had trouble deciding between staying in the smoking vehicle, standing outside with the angry bear or getting in a vehicle with a strange man armed with not one but TWO weapons. I called 9-1-1. I wanted my daddy!

I was surprised at the efficiency of the hunter as well. He waited almost 40 minutes for the police to arrive as you are not supposed to kill bear at this time of year. However, the animals was menacing and in a great deal of pain. He used a bow to kill the bear with one ‘shot’ to the head. When that only seemed to anger the bear further he managed a shot to the heart then retrieved both bows for re-use. I turned slightly to toss my cookies and the whole thing was over. :-)

At this point my father and the OPP arrived and helped the hunters put the bear in their half-tonne *my father in his tux*. The SUV was towed to Huntsville where they will let me know the next steps at some point today. According to my husband, this is a very expensive way to force him to get an oil change.

Thank God for Todd here. Despite the fact that I could not have called at a worse time (he was putting the boys to bed) he dropped everything and through a combination of internet, cell and landline managed to get me the details that I needed about how to get the vehicle towed and what the next steps were. Being able to focus on the tactical made things much easier.

The next day I swam laps in the resort’s pool for more than 2 hours. I swam and I cried – not tears of anguish or fear but gratitude. Gratitude that I was driving a larger vehicle (I will never apologize for that again), that I was going the right speed and it was the right timing. Had any of those things gone wrong I would have been killed. As it stands, I do not even have bruises from my seat belt.

The hunter told me that the bear was between 300 – 400 pounds and probably between 3 – 5 years old. Apparently, the best way to tell is to check the teeth but I was not getting close enough to do that. They can have the meat, the teeth and the fur. I have no interest in meeting that bear again and delighted in my very rare steak, and ample vodka paralyzers to wash it down.

Sacred Cow

2005-10-13T10:27:00.000-07:00

So, a while ago I promised titilating conversation as much as a blog can conversate discussing traditions that seem strange by modern terms and some of the research behind those traditions. I had decided to start with my favourite: the sacred cow. The challenge that I have been having and the reason this has taken longer than I would have expected is that I have not been able to substantiate what I had been taught as truth in university.

Shocked and amazed? I'm sure. HUW you professers out there have some 'splaining to do.

In my undergrad social traditions class, multiple theories for why social traditions develop were discussed. In the end, the theory that all things have a purpose was dominant. For example, at this stage in society, the notion of Noah's Ark is arcane and rather silly. However, at the time that the story was "created" (nee delivered from mouth of God!) the concept had a purpose. Personally, I am not sure of what the purpose is but I am ...errr... was sure about the cow.

Once upon a time, in rural India many generations ago, animals roamed the streets. Unfortunately, some of these animals carried disease. Groups of people would eat these animals, specifically cows, and die from it. Rather than considering the cow sacred, the cow was considered a killer. Reverence for the animal only developed once people had forgotten the original reason for not eating the animals and were telling the next generations of the tradition.

Currently, the cow is considered sacred and its protection is a recurrent theme in Hinduism where she is symbolic of abundance, of the sanctity of all life, and also of the earth that gives much while asking nothing in return. Most Hindus respect the cow as a matriarchal figure for her gentle qualities and providing nurturing milk and its products for a largely vegetarian diet. While most Hindus do not worship the cow, it holds an honoured place in society and most will not eat beef even at risk of death through starvation.

That's my theory anyway. Discuss amongst yourselves. Here is a link of interest.

Stress Reduction Technique

2005-10-12T04:28:00.000-07:00

Picture yourself near a stream.

Birds are softly chirping in the crisp cool mountain air.

Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place.

You are in total seclusion from that place called "the world."

The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

The water is clear.

You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water.

Look. It's the person who caused you all this stress in the first place.

What a pleasant surprise. You let them up... just for a quick breath... then ploop!...back under they go...

You allow yourself as many deep breaths as you want.

There now... feeling better?

Things that Make you Go Hmmmm....

2005-10-12T04:02:00.000-07:00

Well, it is always my goal to stretch your brain out :-) when I write and I was reading an article over the Canadian Thanksgiving Weekend that piqued my interest.

There is a debate heating up over the 'super parent' phenomenon. They, being mass media, actually call it super mommy but I think that is unfair to those stressed out fathers out there. Using a sociological perspective, it is trying to explain why mothers two generations ago were having broods of 12 children and seemingly coping while parents of families as small as two are having troubles juggling responsibilities in this generation.

The article went on to offer interesting insights such as changes in the economic market place forcing more competition and parents who want their kids to succeed are making choices that give them a competitive advantage. All these explanations are 'gimmes' in my mind. However, one struck a chord in my sociological heart.

Nature vs. nurture.

There has long been a debate over whether you can influence what skills (IQ, disposition, looks) you are born with and mold them for success. By long I mean for the last 40 - 50 years. About two generations ago. The article posits that in our grandparents generation, genetics research was limited and parents felt they were there to deal with the cards as they were dealt so to speak. Sure was easier to parent when you did not have to worry about piano lessons, KUMON extra curricular activities, hockey, skating and Yu-Gi-Oh clubs. If the child was meant to be a successful prodige they would be - without all those extras.

Parents then simply categorized their children: the good one, the easy one, the smart one, the bad one. I suppose that would have been easier than remembering their names. Since there was nothing to do but allow them to be 'themselves' there was no pressure to develop them and test their limits. Hmmm...

Filled with gross and easy to refute generalities? Yep. Rings a bell of truth as a hypothesis? Absolutely. Jon - add this to the sociological study of why European urban planning is so different from North America. Hope that Todd wins a lottery soon cause I want to go back to school to figure some of this out. Imagine a world without knowing these things!

Yvonne Needs

2005-10-11T05:04:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I pilfered this one from Postcards from the Mothership but in not wanting to bore my childless readers with yet another complaint post, scaring you all off from pro-creating...

Go to Google.
Type, "(Your name) needs".
Yes, in quotes, so it looks like this "Yvonne needs". But with your name, not mine, unless you really want to look through the eight pages I did.

Here were my results:

yvonne needs to meet more writers. Apparently I'ma top ten finalist in some best
of the whole world blog contest. I'm not exactly sure how that happened...

Sex educator, author, and consultant Yvonne K. Fulbright gave her first talk ... Yvonne has focused on the needs of adolescents and young adults. WOO HOO!!!

Yvonne needs urgently a small stations wagon to transport all the equipment....

Yvonne needs money but can't (won't) go out to work, so Julie gets a job instead
and pays Yvonne to look after the child. (I had to snoop through this whole one...)

It is clear that Yvonne needs to get out on her own and that her mother needs to
be free of her. The play gets a lift when mother and daughter play a trick ...

Ordering is an intensely personal experience - Yvonne needs to be alone. (Yep!!!)

Chief Referee

2005-10-11T04:46:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think that being a mom is a lot like being a wrestling referee: you are only heard by the participants when there is a 'flag on the play' otherwise all the other screams and cheers drown out your message.

I had an interesting conversation on the weekend where I was told, in no uncertainty, that I do nothing to help one of my sons. That's why he is choosing to not be helpful to the rest of the family right now. Sigh.

I do not take him to hockey (never mind that I stay with the other two, enabling him to be taken to hockey). I do not make his school lunch (that is a daddy job) and I do not walk him back and forth to school; that task is relegated to my sister.

He has missed all the book reading, homework doing, laundry-doing, cooking, etc. I worry that he will grow up believing that his mom did not do anything to make his life easier because she is focussed on the younger ones and working. I suppose this is the age old issue for the working mom.

It's all about balance

2005-10-07T04:15:00.000-07:00

I was invited to a friendship party this week. Decidely different from the vodka paralyzers from last weekend :-), this one involved singing, crafts and hundreds - nee, thousands - of the afore-mentioned rice krispie squares.

And I almost declined.

You see, this party was for grade twos and their parents. I had just taken time off the previous week when my caregiver was ill and I was concerned about the perception that I was not committed to my job. Never mind the long hours I put in or my attempts to do things the right way (not the easy way) at work. Fact is, working parents take more time off than those without kids. And it is a sensitive issue.

In the end, I snuck out to the party with only seconds to get there. The parental guilt of a 7 year old looking around for a familiar face and seeing none was more than I could take. And afterall, I had not had a chance to actually try any of the goodies that we had prepared.

I won't always place my kids before my job. But I wish I could.

And Here's Where I Brag

2005-10-07T04:11:00.000-07:00

I have been meaning to get this story on 'paper' so to speak but, being otherwise occupied with turkeys and rice krispie squares, have not been able to squeak out the time. I wanted to tell you about my 4 year olds first day at school. With staggered entry, he was there with only four other children on the first day.

The teacher shows the kids where to place their bags and coats when they come in the door. The conversation with Aiden goes something like this:

Teacher: You put your bag on the hook that has your name on it.

Aiden: (pointing to the sign above the hook) What does that say?

Teacher: That says 'Aiden'

Aiden: (arguing) No, it doesn't.

Teacher: You have probably not seen your name with a big letter 'A' and small letters after that.

Aiden: (still arguing). That is an 'H'. Not an 'A'. And the letters are H-E-L-L-O. That DOES NOT spell Aiden.

Me: snickering delightedly in corner - you go boy!!!

You think you're busy???

2005-10-05T07:07:00.000-07:00

So, the lives of parents are busy. Multi-tasking is a mode of survival but yesterday was unbelievable.

In order to ease up some financial stresses, I have taken on consulting again. I am consulting Tuesdays and Thursdays for 10 hours each day 7 am - 5 pm. It makes for long days for me but is very lucrative. It also adds additional stress to dad as he has to do swimming lessons, etc. on his own on those days.

So, I arrive home at 5:30 and realize that my eldest son's teacher has sent home an assignment for me: trace, cut out and glue googly eyes on 25 Thanksgiving turkeys. And make 25 rice krispie squares. Which of course, I cannot do just for one child so: make that 50 rice krispie squares. Then pack up the old plastic containers for a friendship party for the next day.

And make dinner, bathe the children before bed, do homework with the two school age kids and try to keep up with laundry and chores.

Who else can say they have done gaggles of turkeys and huge tracts of krispies all on the same day!

Stumble for the Cure

2005-10-03T04:55:00.000-07:00

Well, we did it. The CIBC Run for the Cure for Breast Cancer has been participated in for another year. And what a year it was. Let me set the stage:

This year we brought the children. It is an emotional event for my husband and I and we have chosen in the past to complete it together because we didn't want to freak out the kids. People wear signs showing 'who' they are running for. Young kids with signs that they are running for their moms. Older (not ancient) ladies with signs that they are running for their daughters. And I bawl. Openly. With gooey kleenexes all over the place. In fact, for most of the race, I cannot carry on a conversation. I am a suck.

This year, I made it challenging. Not only did we decide that getting three children out the door and downtown for 8:15 would be possible, I got drunk the night before. Stop the truck I hear you say. I am not a drinker at all. In fact, I think it was a couple of years prior to my eldest that I had more than a couple of glasses of wine in the evening. Saturday night though, we were at a friends having a wonderful time and vodka snuck up behind me and got the best of me.

So, now I am gathering three children, sobbing uncontrollably and looking for the portapotties along the way. DOH!!!

The kids had a wonderful time. We stopped - honestly - to pick up every piece of garbage that had fallen along the way. My littlest not understanding the environmental rules, picked up every leaf and stick that he could find as well. By 1/4 of the way in, the stroller was filled with old juice boxes, cereal bar wrappers and every twig dropped along the downtown corridor by the old majestic trees.

The funniest part is that we started about 20 minutes before the crowd so that our double stoller would not get in the way. In the end the unmarked police car ushered us along the path as he removed the pilons and re-opened the road. We were officially the last to arrive. In fact, they had already dismantled the finish line before we got there. Fun was had by all though!

I think I will be a little smarter at this next year though...

Brotherly Love

2005-09-28T08:42:00.000-07:00

I pretty much grew up as an only child. My parents split when I was young and I did not have a sibling until I was 12 and my younger sister was born. My husband often complains that this means that I simply cannot understand the interaction of siblings. He is absolutely right.

I have criticised mny eldest for making choices that are not fair to my second born and last night, I had the jaw clenching wonderment of seeing the behaviour passed down.

As we got into the van to head home after swimming lessons, I gave my middlest the option of playing with the toy that he had left sitting in his seat. There had been tensions on the drive over because the 2 year old wanted a crack at it but, Aiden was not yet ready to share. After swimming, he had found an object (don't ask) that held his attention and he did not want the toy. Until I handed it over to the littlest.

Oh, the wailing and gnashing of teeth. I CHANGED MY MIND!!!! Aiden carried on for the full ten minutes home until he realized that we had all left the vehicle and left him behind. Apparently, it is acceptable sibling behaviour to not only want happiness for yourself but, that dish is best served when it means taking it out of your brother's hands.

Should have had girls....

It's not the Job that's Hard

2005-09-26T05:25:00.000-07:00

It has been my experience so far in life that jobs are easy, it is finding care so that you can make it to the job that is the big challenge.

Prior to kids, I had no trouble with absenteeism or holding down two jobs. I am interested and challenged by the work that I do. I am committed to doing a job well so I am focussed while at the office ... when I have someone I trust to watch my children.

I have been lucky. For the past two years, my sister has been coming to my house every day reliably to watch my children. They love spending time with her and frankly, my youngest has spent more time in his life with her than he has with me. There is a very special bond there. But, like all good things, there must be an end.

My sister seems to feel that she deserves a life and a future as well as the rest of us. Damn her. She has graduated with a diploma in vetrinary science and is anxious to get into her 'career'. Todd and I have been supportive, secretly hoping that it will take her about two years to find a job. But alas, this is something that she enjoys and is good at. It has taken her less than two months to find something and I am out looking for care AGAIN.

I recognize that I have been spoiled. Between me being home with the boys for two and a half years, then my sister taking over, my kids have no idea what daycare is like. I have been able to make specific demands ranging from what my kids eat, to their activities, to what kids they spend their time with. I will not react very well to having things dictated to me. I also know that, when they do something wrong :-) my kids have the benefit of the doubt that comes from a 'caregiver' that loves them and will work with them to create appropriate behaviour. A regular caregiver might just label them as bad kids.

I am working to try to accommodate my sister through a combination of neighbourly help, working longer days but less of them and placing extra pressure on my husband and myself to alleviate some of the strain on my sister. I am hoping that by doing some of these things, we can convince her to stay - at least on a part time basis - for a little longer. I recognize that this is not fair to her.

At some point in life, the needs of the children became more important than the needs of their three caregivers: mom, dad and may-may. I am sorry that she has been clumped in that group, without ever having made the choice to have children but I think that she would be proud to be there. And I know that my children could not live without her.

'scuze me while I go and have a moment ... just a little stress going on in my neck of the woods right now....

Education in Ontario

2005-09-23T05:16:00.000-07:00

When we chose to have a house built in the West End of Ottawa we had considered proximity to schools, resale potential and the strength of the infrastructure. We live in a nice neighbourhood with educated, respectable neighbours and so far there has not been a problem.

Last night I experiences SUCH incredible frustration that this will warrant a call to my local trustee.

Our neighbourhood is full of new construction. Our house is three years old and is one of the older ones in our community. The community is also full of young children so they built us a primary school a couple of blocks away. That school's maximum capacity is 560. It is currently at 890 but that is not the focus on my concern.

My eldest son started out in one grade two class. In the school they had also created a 2/3 split. After school started and they confirmed the enrolment, they received funding to create another grade two class so my son was moved to the new class - IN A PORTABLE - with a new teacher. If it wasn't bad enough to have grade two's in a portable, the teacher has not received ANY of her supplies yet:

No books for the kids to read as they have not been provided. I sent in 10 of my early reader books but I was the only parent to send in books.

No text books for the kids. The teacher was proud of herself that she had gotten a text book from one of the other classrooms and photocopied the pages, shrinking them down so that she could get four to a sheet of paper. This is for the language segment; she has one text book for the science segment (that the kids are sharing) and there is no math segment available yet. ABSOLUTELY LUDICROUS.

No coat rack, shoe rack or anything to hang up their coats on. Apparently, this is on back order.

More seriously, one of kids in Liam's class has a hearing disorder. Nothing serious but it requires that his teachers use a device that removes ambient sounds and clarifies what the teacher is saying. In Ontario, the funding for the schools pays for this device and it is supposed to follow the child from year to year. At the end of the school year last year, the mother went through the adminstrative hoops to have it in stalled in his new classroom. He was one of the kids move to a portable and the device has not yet moved with him. Completely appalling that this child is struggling to even hear the instructions because the school cannot get their act together.

My son's new teacher simply gushed (there is no other way to describe it) about how important it is that this year be 'beautiful' for the kids because they receive two of their sacraments. Hmmm... so my kids soul will be permitted to go to Catholic heaven but he will not be able to read the directions on how to get there. Off to call the school now and get a reputation for myself.

The Terry Fox Run

2005-09-16T04:49:00.000-07:00

Now, Liam has been known to be a little shallow, not offering the greatest insight and capable of relating any situation directly to his needs. A perfect 7 year old boy. We have taken to discussing his day at school when he climbs into bed at night. In a busy household it is the only time of day where you can be guaranteed parental concentration.

We have discussed the fact that he has switched teachers and moved to a portable; why convincing someone to stick a pencil in a fan is NOT a good idea; and recently when it is ok to agree to do something that you have been 'triple dog dared' to do. Last night was no exception.

The school is supporting the annual Terry Fox Run. Liam has some pretty serious questions about what happened to Terry's leg. He understands that Terry had serious cancer and, Liam tells me, he did not recognize the symptoms in time for doctors to save his leg. He has not drawn any connections to the cancer survivors in his own life but is anxious to support a worthy cause. Today he is using part of his allowance to pay to wear a hat in the school.

Did you ever have cancer?, he asks me. No, I assure him, non-one on mommy's side of the family has ever had cancer. Oh, he thinks for a minute. How about lice? Did you ever have lice? Sigh. To a seven year old, all afflictions fall into the same basket.

No, for the record, I have never had lice. Nor have I ever had the chicken pox.

First Day of School

2005-09-16T04:43:00.000-07:00

In our school board, junior kindergarteners (four year olds) are staggered into the school system. The first week they attend and interview with a parent and one other family. The second week they attend one day on their own, with a group of four other children and on the third week they attend JK full-fledged.

Aiden completed his second week of JK this week, attending the class with four other kids. Despite my reservations he had a great time. In his little lispy voice, he said it was AWESOME!!!

He says that he played with the cars and trucks there, sang some songs and he read some books. No, he tells me, the teacher did not read the books, the kids got to read the books to each other, telling each other what was happening based on the pictures.

Understanding the routine, I had packed kleenexes, wipes, handsoap and antibacterial cream. He told me that he gave everything to his teacher from his bag, 'cept his snack, to which I replied that the teacher probably had her own snack. Hey, he says, that's 'zactly what SHE said!!!

He's hilarious without even trying.

Sublminal Mind F&^% America

2005-09-13T05:06:00.000-07:00

OK, I draw the line here. I have noticed over time that Todd and I have different ideas in parenting. Mostly, we are in synch but there are times when one of us has to turn the other way and allow the other person to parent. One of those moments has occurred and I am about to throw Todd under the preverbial bus.

Todd, in his wisdom, has succumbed to Liam's love of music. Not the lilting voices of country, the calming nature of classical or even the throbbing beat of hip hop for my son. No, Liam has chosen hard thrashing rock, specifically Greenday, as his music of choice.

Now, I am not innocent here. I can remember the mocking of colleagues when I shared that one of my favourite performers is Eminem. You can imagine my car-seat laden van, trapsing through suburbia with the screams of Lose Yourself blaring through the speakers. I believe the lines from the peanut gallery went something like this: "Gunna get me a f(&^n grocery cart. And your posse can't stop me." :-) However, I have given over to the Sharon, Lois and Brams of the world and reserve my trash music for headphones at the office. Mostly so I cannot hear said colleagues.

Todd, on the other hand, also a lover of Greenday, made Liam's day last week by bringing home a copy of their new CD, American Idiot. You can imagine from the title that it is not the most PC. However, Todd has tried to turn the volume down at the opportune times, limiting the swear words and concepts that the children hear.

Aiden poignently showed us how effective that is. Driving home in the van last night Aiden was singing a song, his little lisp making the words a bit hard to understand, until one line: "subliminal mind f*&k America" which came out clear as day. The CD has now been confiscated, amidst the crying and nashing of teeth from all four boys. This is the trump card called Mother's Perogative.

I had to make room for Eminem...

Cube People

2005-09-12T10:05:00.000-07:00

This is absolutely hilarious.

http://www.mcphee.com/